Chirky

I read a book tonight.

Well, that's not fair. I read one-half of a book tonight, and it was more than I needed to read. Halfway into the second chapter, I skipped ahead to the end. I read the last chapter. And satisfied by that, I skipped to the middle and read a few chapters.

Typically, I don't skip around in books. I read them straight-through, the way we're taught to do it, the order in which society expect us to to do it.

But this book...this book was different.

* * * * *

There are lots of things I don't really talk about on this blog, and sexual abuse is one of them. I have a lot of thoughts about sexual abuse, a lot of experience helping women grow through their own hurts. For the past several years I have led self-help support groups for women in the Dallas metroplex.

* * * * *

Last week, I received a press release about a controversial book, asking if I was interested in reviewing it. Typically, those press releases find their way into my trash can before I can get past the greeting -- but this one, for whatever reason -- I read. Then I responded. And today the book arrived in the mail.

* * * * *

In all fairness, I knew what this book was about before I started reading it. I knew that it was about sexual abuse. I also knew that the author was victimized as a young girl. And though this story is represented as fictional, I can tell you that it's not. This is a woman's story. It may not be the author's story, but that doesn't mean that it's any less real.

To Meg Tilly, the author: Gemma made me want to vomit. It is too graphic, the detail too accurate, the emotions too spot-on. That is a compliment to you as an author, to your ability to portray the way so many sexual abuse victims shut down, process emotions, trust false beliefs that are fed to them by their abusers.

This book is not recommend for individuals under 15. I am almost 32 years old. This book -- it haunts me, as many stories of sexual abuse do.

Admittedly, I did not read the book in its entirety. But I read enough. What I read turned my stomach. It got me angry. I wasn't sure if I want to throw up or punch a wall. Because this was a true story, even if you don't know the name of the woman it happened to. But I do. Her name is Amy. Her name is Jennifer. Her name is Sondra, or Carolyn, or Jeanine, or Marie. She's any woman. She's one in six women.

To be honest, I'm not angry with Meg Tilly for telling a story that needs to be told. Too many people talk about sexual abuse as though it is a taboo subject. I'm revolted that this story even exists. I'm repulsed by those whose sadistic natures rule them and attempts to ruin the lives of their victims. I'm angry for Gemma, and I'm angry for every woman I personally know, whose lives have been touched by pedophiles and rapists and molesters.

To every woman whose story can be found in Gemma's pages, even to the slightest degree, know this: There is a way out. It is possible to heal, to recover, to move on with your life. Even if it doesn't seem that way in the moment.

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The first time I ever saw a woman Price Matching was during a Back-to-School sale in 2008. I don’t remember why I had gone to Wal-Mart – I didn’t shop there often – and somehow I found myself in line behind a woman whose shopping cart was brimming with paper and pencils and rulers and backpacks and crayons. And more. Oooooohhhhh, was there more. She pulled out circulars from local stores and began going through them with the cashier. Suddenly, she turned to me.

Now, let’s stop for a second and discuss Wal-Mart. Admittedly, I used to be a little prejudiced. I really disliked shopping at the store. I don’t know why that is, because they carry just about everything under the sun, and if there’s one thing I like (especially as a working Mom), it’s convenience. If I could go through a drive-thru to purchase sunblock, I would. [Note to Wal-Mart: You know what would be awesome? Having the ability to order 20 items or less online, and then swing through a drive-thru to pick up my order. Please consider beta-testing that in Plano, Texas.] [Second note to Wal-Mart: The entrance to your store in Denton, Texas carries the overwhelming stench of vomit. Please send help.]

Anyway, so this woman just turned to me and said: “I’m sorry – this is going to take a while for me to check out. Price matching is something I do to help our family afford for me to be a stay at home mom.”

I just smiled and dismissed the issue, telling her I was fascinated by what she was doing. And really, I was. For the next five minutes, I stood there watching her flip through circulars and compare prices. I watched the cashier ring up the purchase. I watched as this Mom surrendered coupons. And I was stunned. I never knew that you could take an advertisement with lower prices from Tom Thumb or Sprouts or CVS or the dollar store and get that same price at Wal-Mart.

Since then, I’ve tried to emulate her. Each Wednesday, I pull the store circulars from my newspaper. I find the items that are on sale – meats and fruits and veggies and whatever – and I circle them with a giant black Sharpie. Then I make a list of grocery purchases vs. Wal-Mart purchases. I do most of my grocerying now at Wal-Mart; but there are some things Wal-Mart doesn’t honor, like store coupons and Buy One Get One sales. So, when Tom Thumb offers an 18-pack of eggs for $0.88 (with a Tom Thumb coupon), or a Buy One Get One sale on Pork Tenderloin, I’ll typically swing by my local store for those items and those items only. [Note to Tom Thumb: Sooooo disappointed that you’re discontinuing the AA frequent flier miles with every purchase! My loyalty just flew (Get it? Flew? Haaaa!) out the window.]

And yes, it takes a while. It takes a while to create my grocery lists, and it takes a while to grocery shop and compare prices, and it takes a while to check out. But when I’m saving – on average – $50 to $60 every time I shop? Well, that’s worth it to me. So thank you, Wal-Mart, for helping me Save Money and Live Better. I think I’m doing that, a little bit at a time.

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My obsession with quinoa all started last summer in Chicago. BlogHer '09 had just come to a close, and I went out to lunch with ElisaC, who is vegan.

We headed to The Chicago Diner. (Meat Free since '83, hey ya!) Looking over the menu, I was beginning to feel a little clueless. I quizzed Elisa on ingredients: What is acai? What is seitan? What is quinoa? What is seitan, again? And pronouncing those ingredients! It was embarrassingly obvious that I had no idea what I was talking about. I finally settled on the Southwestern Tostadas, spread thick with mashed black beans and topped with quinoa and avocado. WOW, were they good. They were so good -- I liked the quinoa so much -- that I decided right then I had to make it again when I got back to Dallas. (You might notice that very dish - the Southwestern Tostadas - is on my menu for this month!)

And that's how we get to today's recipe from Fat Free Vegan: International Quinoa Salad. I took Susan's recipe and developed it into the Lazy Woman's Recipe, because that is what I am: a lazy cook. I like foods that taste good without too much fuss, not that Susan's recipe really looks like much work, but mine is even less. I cut out the chickpeas, and because I usually don't have them on hand I cut out the jalapeno and scallions. I've had lactation consultants warn me that parsley and mint reduce milk production (sage stops it entirely, FYI, though that's not in this recipe), so since I'm nursing right now I've removed those from the recipe. And I've also added back in the olive oil. I tripled the avocado. And I use chicken broth instead of vegetable broth, because that is what I usually have on hand.

This salad is ultra-flavorful and tangy (and a new favorite). I think you'll like it, too. (I would like to include a photo of the salad here instead of just the ingredients, but I took these pictures with my phone, and can we all agree that the iPhone was not made for food photography? So if you want to see what this salad looks like (believe me: you do), check out the images on Fat Free Vegan. They're drool-worthy.)

International Quinoa Salad, for The Lazy Cook

Quinoa:

1 1/2 cups quinoa, rinsed very well
3 cups water
1 clove or 1 tsp garlic, minced or pressed
1/2 tsp. sea salt

Vegetables:

1 large cucumber, peeled, seeded, and diced
2 medium-large tomatoes, finely chopped
1 cup cooked corn kernels
2 1/2 ripe avocados, peeled, pitted, and diced
1/2 ripe avocado, peeled, pitted and sliced

Dressing:

1/4 cup lime juice
3 tablespoons chicken broth (or vegetable broth, if that is what you have)
1/2 teaspoon salt, or to taste (optional)
1/8 teaspoon ground pepper
1 clove garlic, pressed or minced

QUINOA
Cooking quinoa is very simple - a lot like cooking rice. To cook it on the stove, bring the water to a boil and add in the quinoa, garlic and salt. Stir. Return to a boil, then reduce the heat to low and put a lid on the pot. Remove from heat after 20 minutes and allow to cool. Try not to eat it straight from the pot.

VEGETABLES
Combine all of the diced vegetables in a large bowl. Add the quinoa and mix gently. I usually add it straight from the pot, because I'm not only a lazy cook, I'm an impatient cook.

DRESSING
Stir the dressing ingredients together and pour over the salad. Mix well. Susan refrigerates hers until chilled, but I usually don't bother and serve it lukewarm-ish. If you want to be fancy, or to cover up the fact that you ate half the salad before serving it (oops!), garnish the top with avocado slices.

Maybe the best part about this salad - besides how delicious it is - is that it's very filling and really low in fat/calories. So you can pretty much eat as much as you want without feeling guilty. Which makes me The Lazy, Impatient and Indulgent Cook.

[If you're uncertain where to buy quinoa, I'd check your local Whole Foods-type store. I also just saw it in the bulk section of my neighborhood Kroger.]

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Last week, I read about the Pantry Cleanout Challenge and thought: Hey. I should do that.

And then I forgot.

But when a reader commented that she recently cleaned out her freezer and fed her family of four for the next month, plus spent only $100 at the grocery store on items like dairy and fresh produce, I knew I had to do it, too. And this time I didn’t forget.

So this weekend I emptied out my freezer, took an inventory of every item, and re-organized it all. It was a little embarrassing to discover I had more than 15 pounds of pork, turkey, chicken and beef – that is: the meat in our freezer weighs as much as our daughter – plus bag upon bag of frozen veggies, fruits, cheeses and puff pastry dough, as well as three pounds of butter. Seriously, who am I? Paula Deen?

This morning I glanced over my freezer inventory and made an entrée list that I think will last the next five weeks (since there’s just two of us, we generally always have leftovers – I’m incapable for cooking for two):

• International Quinoa Salad (I’m using up fresh produce before digging into the freezer)
• Southwestern Tostadas
• Turkey Tacos
• Cranberry Pork Roast
• Shepherd’s Pie
• Spaghetti
• Dijon Pork Medallions
• Quiche Lorraine
• Chili
• Chicken Pot Pie (speaking of Paula Deen, hers is my favorite recipe)
• Pork Fried Rice
• Enchilada Casserole (idea stolen from Nicole)
• Breakfast Quiche
• Pork Chops
• Swedish Meatballs

I’ll try to post pictures and recipes as I go through this list, because these dishes are so fabulous that you should have them in your repertoire, too.

So: who’s with me? Are you doing a pantry or freezer cleanout challenge? Or have you recently finished one? (And if so: do you have recipes to share?)

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For the past week, I've been staying up late reading a ridiculous number of frugal blogs. This is quite a feat for me because I'm typically falling over with exhaustion by 9pm. I don't really ever talk about money on this blog, but it's something that is persistently on my mind, especially since Rayah came into our family. First the medical bills piled up (which are now paid off, thankfully). Next there was that home renovation we began nearly two years ago. That home renovation that took over our lives.

It's kind of like - and bear with me, because I haven't eaten anything yet - when you go to a Chinese buffet, and that Pineapple Fried Rice tastes awesome, but you think you might also sample the Sesame Chicken. And the Spring Rolls. And the Mongolian Beef. And maybe some Dan Dan Noodles. And whoa - those Garlic Snap Peas - I bet those are good. And then you just can't resist the Mango soft-serve ice cream. With sprinkles. And maybe a cherry. That's what renovating your house is like. Or, that's what renovating our house has been like. Like an over-indulgent Chinese buffet.

Nothing we've done has felt indulgent, of course. But in retrospect, maybe we should have tackled it differently. We scraped the ceilings. We re-textured the walls. We painted. We ripped out the floors. We tore off the baseboards and the trim. We removed a wall here, we built a laundry room there. We installed tile in the kitchen. We're scheduled to install hardwood floors this month. And even though we've tried to do as much as possible ourselves (read: I never knew what a handyman Roger was until we bought this house - he's worked so hard on it!), we've paid an unreal amount to contractors to do the hard parts. And now I'm left looking at our checkbook, thinking: How did we get here? How can we get back to where we were? What changes can I make to our budget?

And since reading these frugal blogs (to name a few: Money Saving Mom, Surviving the Stores, Kingdom First Mom, Mommy Snacks, WithPurpose and Bargain Briana, though I've been following a rabbit trail through these sites, and there are so, so many more), I've been inspired to make changes in both our budgeting and my grocery shopping. Now, I'm not a clothes horse, so there's really nothing to change there. I've always been a bit of a deal finder, but not when it comes to grocery shopping. And these women - they do magical things with coupons. One even went so far as to say that she never pays out of pocket for things like diapers, household cleaners, makeup, hair products, etc - the coupons take care of it all. Another said that she saves thousands - THOUSANDS! - every year by couponing. (Did you know that is a verb? Couponing? Because it is.)

I haven't yet figured out all their secrets. I feel like I'm doing good if I just remember to take my grocery list to the store - forget toting along coupons, too! But I'm trying to make an effort. Last night I dutifully clipped and filed my coupons. I even bid on coupons on eBay, like a pro! I made a grocery list. I want to go through my pantry and freezer and see what recipes I can put together without re-purchasing items I already own, since I generally forget what I already have on hand. I want to figure out how I create more $5 Dinners, rather than what I'm currently making: $15-$25 Dinners.

I want to be less overwhelmed with the frugality of these bloggers. I want to make smarter decisions when shopping. And I'm determined to make it work. So if you've got tips for me, I'd love to hear them. What do you do to stretch your dollars further?

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Rayah was born with a head full of hair, so I've had fun over the last several months buying bows of all colors and coordinating them with her outfits. Since I was traveling to Nashville with Rayah, my mother-in-law flew in town to hang out and spend a little time with her newest granddaughter, too. While we were dressing her for the first day, Mom turned to Rayah and said, "I think your Mommy thinks you're a doll!"

Which, yes. Yes I do. She's a total doll, and I love dressing her up in sweet clothes with accessories to match. Baby clothes are just too much fun! One of the bloggers I met at the conference, Lindsey of The Pleated Poppy, gave Rayah the precious headband pictured above. Isn't it cute on her? Rayah only has a couple other headbands, and somehow neither are pink (one of the colors she wears most often, besides blues, purples and reds), so we're particularly thrilled with this newest addition to her hair accessories wardrobe.

Doll, indeed.

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Last night I arrived home from attending Blissdom, entirely worn out from a fun-filled weekend of learning and networking with other bloggers. I attended BlogHer last year as an enormously pregnant woman, so this was my first time to attend a conference with baby in tow. And while it was a little extra effort, it was the most awesome experience ever.

Most of the the first day, I wore Rayah in my Moby sling - an 18-foot long piece of fabric that wraps Rayah securely against me. And until now, it's been my favorite sling. But this is the problem: since giving birth, my internal thermostat has heated up. I've changed from a woman who curls up in a blanket mid-summer (in Texas!) to someone who wears t-shirts in 60-degree weather. So having an 18-foot piece of fabric wrapped around (and around, and around) me gets kind of...hot.

That, and Rayah really dislikes being in a sling of any kind if I'm sitting down. (Does anyone else have this issue? Is it just Rayah?) When I was sitting during one of the sessions, Rayah was usually sitting on my lap playing or lying on a blanket, playing (I mean, as much as five-month-olds play. This mostly involved dropping her toy and looking around her). If she got fussy, we'd step out into the hallway for a minute until she calmed down. The third time I stepped out into the hallway, a MomBlogger I'd been talking to earlier in the day followed me out. I was Having Issues, and she was there to help.

See, Jessie also works for DittanyBaby.com, a company that makes and sells the Mei Tai sling. She followed me into the hallway, sling in hand. While I held Rayah, Jessie showed me how to wear the sling. And then? Then she told me to that I could HAVE the sling. You guys! This sling is magical!

First: it is not hot, because it has simple straps that hold it in place, not 18 feet of fabric.

Second: Two minutes later, Rayah was asleep. And she STAYED asleep for the rest of her naptime. And then everyone commented on the magicalness of a baby who slept. EVEN AFTER I SAT DOWN. (!)

I wore the sling the rest of the conference, and have been wearing it again since I've been home. Jessie, you're an angel, and I'm an official Mei Tai convert. Thank you so, so much for all your help throughout the weekend!

As for all of the other amazing women I met over the weekend, I'll be linking them here soon. I love having new additions in my feed reader!

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The other day a friend said: "I remember when I stayed up all night on purpose…now it's just painful." And I couldn't sum up my experience as a new mother who tries to Do It All better. I am awake every morning around by 5am because Rayah has sooooo much she wants to say, she can't wait for daylight. So she wakes up, lies in her crib and babbles, and then falls back asleep. And that's pretty much how my days go untll 9pm, when I'm falling over myself to get in bed. Since Rayah came along, my life has been so busy. So exhausting. So full, in the most awesome way I could ever imagine.

When we had Rayah, I was concerned I would struggle with baby blues. I expected it. I prepared for it. And I feel so, so blessed that so far, it has not been a part of my story as a mother. Roger and I wholeheartedly agree that our daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to us. She's so fun, so lively, so curious. She's beautiful, and she's smart. It's been so fun watching her grow, watching her learn to bat at toys, and then grab at them, and now she's putting them in her mouth. EVERYTHING goes in Rayah's mouth: toys, stuffed animals, burp cloths, anything within her reach. I love it when she locks her eyes on me and smiles, that wide-open, toothless, dimpled smile.

I realize that every parent feels this way, or I hope that every parent feels this way. Because becoming a mom has been the greatest privilege of my life. Any doubts that I might have once had about whether I wanted to become a mother have been erased, and now I'm realizing that this is the role I was created for. And that just makes it that much sweeter.

Rayah and I are attending BlissDom10 this weekend!

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