Chirky

Oh, Jessimaca, you are opening a can of worms with this one. Here are some initial thoughts. I was reading another blog recently and their little girl (5-ish) was asking a question about Santa and they decided to break the sad news to her, Santa wasn't real. They didn't really do much about Santa in their house to begin with because they never want to lie to their kids, but the world does enough to make children believe. Their daughter couldn't understand what they were saying and they gave up wondering how they could make their child understand that Santa was a myth. One commenter on the blog said that children have an imagination and all too soon the realities of the world will come crashing down on them one day. Until then you can't run around telling them that every fantasy they have (imaginary friends, their baby doll is sleeping) isn't real, and do you really want to?
I think the danger is when children stop asking their parents questions like, "How does Santa deliver all those toys in one night?" with a sense of wonder and it turns to a sense of skepticism yet we, as parents, lie to the child to keep the myth alive.
I remember exactly where I was when we figured out there was no Santa. My sister and I were together and my mom returned something Santa bought with a receipt. We questioned her with skepticism and she just looked at us, not answering, waiting for us to figure it out. And my momentary disappointment ended with an aha moment of realizing that my mom being Santa really did make more sense. I didn't feel lied to, I didn't feel betrayed. But, my parents never perpetuated the myth (writing letters to Santa for example) but we certainly visited Santa every year and got presents from him - in fact we still do.
I know there are lots of opinions on this, but I don't see a problem with a little magic.

I pretty much agree with the first comment. We do not have a clear Santa plan. My kids definitely believe in Santa, but they also know the story of St. Nicholas and how that became the Santa tradition. I wrap all the presents, so I'm just waiting for them to realize that Santa has the same wrapping paper as Mommy. My oldest recently asked how he gets around the world in one night (she's 8) but then explained it to herself with the whole "when it is night here, it is day on the other side" thing. I try not to get too involved in the Santa story, but let them believe what they want to believe. I don't remember exactly when I found out Santa wasn't real, but it was not traumatic for sure. Once I knew, I got to stay up and help wrap presents on Christmas Eve, so that privilege probably did a lot to stem any sadness. You'll figure it out as you go along.

trevor still believes in santa. i dont know if im doing more harm than good, but i believe with what was noted in the first comment. there is so much in this world that is hurt and disappointment (and trev has been through enough of that for a full lifetime in my opinion) so my stance is "what is wrong with a little magic?"
i dont know if trev will be sad the day he figures out that i wrap the presents from santa (in a special santa paper that only santa uses and has used since day 1 - it is a ginormous roll!) or if he will tell me he has known for some time.
right now, though, my son is full of life and believes in magic and good and happily ever after and all that jazz.... i believe i may be more sad than he when his bubble is burst..... each year i wonder if i get one more and every year i do.... we even still read the night before christmas every christmas (same edition that was read to me as a child), after we bake cookies for santa.... i dont ever want that to end....

My parents told us Santa wasn't real and we never believed in him. I don't think we were mean to kids who did believe in him but I do remember talking to one girl about how he wasn't real and she insisted that he was. We thought the UPS man was the best thing ever since he brought us presents from grandma.

Now that I have a son, I'm not interested in perpetuating the Santa thing but his dad is so I'm leaving it in his hands. I never want to go stand in line at the mall or make my son sit on a stranger's lap for a photo. We'll just see how interested he becomes. I don't plan on making it a big deal.

I didn't read any of the other comments (sorry, screaming infant...) but my parents actually always told me Santa was not real, so I have been there myself. I was never disillusioned about him or the Easter bunny because I always knew they weren't real.

However, I also never felt the need to tell any other children that I didn't think they were real - I always knew other kids believed but I never had an issue with them believing differently than me, I never tried to correct them. I think my parents must have told me that some people do believe in those things and that I shouldn't argue with people who believe differently.

That is probably what we will do with Little Sir. We really want to teach him tolerance and acceptance of people with other beliefs in all areas of life and I think Santa will be a good one to start with.

The kids and I are Jewish but my husband is Christian, so we have Christmas at our house. The kids have always been told that we're helping Daddy celebrate but they do believe in Santa. In fact, one of the fun Christmas traditions we have is watching the "Santa Tracker" NORAD website each year.

Since many of our friends are Jewish, they have no Christmas celebrations and their kids know there is no Santa. One family has told their daughters that Santa is a special tradition for other families, so they should help keep that special for those families by not discussing Santa. The kids know the truth and they've always been very respectful of not being "Brittany's" to our children or anyone else's.

I don't remember how I found out, but I don't remember being devastated or believing my parents had lied. By the time kids find out the truth, they're also usually old enough to understand that their parents wanted to help them believe in magic.

Believing in Santa is part of the magic of Christmas! As a kid, I still remember looking out the window on the off-chance that I might catch a glimpse of Santa in his sleigh, flying through the sky.

I also recall the year I got up at some ungodly hour (perhaps 4am-ish) wanting to go out to the lounge and see all the pressies Santa had left.. but then I was terrified that he still might be there and if I saw him, he would take all the presents away! I stood at my door, agonising over whether to go out or not, for what seemed like hours.

Finally, I recall the time I figured out Santa wasn't real. I'm sure I'd heard kids at school say he wasn't real but I didn't quite believe it. I made a card for Santa one year and carefully placed it near the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. The next morning the card (surprise!!) was gone! Santa had taken my card! For some reason I was in my parents bedroom that morning and here was the card I had made for Santa, sitting on the dresser. I guess I was old enough to put 2+2 together and concluded that there was no Santa. I don't recall being utterly devastated though. I just have good memories of when I did believe he was real.

So, if we ever have kids, I think that I would let them believe in Santa.

I pretty much agree with the first comment, too. I think it's part of being a kid and, honestly, it wasn't that devastating to me. And looking back on it, I would want my parents to do the same thing again. The magic, the wonder and the imagination you get to experience is priceless. :)

Before we had kids, I told DH I didn't want to teach them about Santa Claus. He did. (I guess that's one thing that people don't usually tell you to talk about to make sure you agree on it before you get married or procreate.) Now that we have kids, we've kind of just gone with the flow--oldest knows who Santa is from seeing him when we're out and about, but we've never told him Santa comes to our house on Christmas, he doesn't receive gifts from Santa, and we don't tell him he has to be good so Santa will bring him things.

If he does ask straight out, I don't know what we'll say. I do know that if we tell him Santa's not real, we will also be telling him he doesn't need to tell any other kids that. We'll tell him that different people believe in different things, and if another kid believes in Santa Claus it's not his place to disabuse them of that belief.

When my kids (12 & 8) askes about Santa being real, I told them there is not a real man living at the north pole that delivers presents in one night. But that I do believe in the spirit of Santa. That being making dreams and wishes come true for others. It helps take away the "I wants" that are always around. We have always done some type of toy charity around the holidays to help them understand the spirit of santa...they get to play santa for another child.

I don't know what you are talking about...Santa IS real, silly girl!

And I know this because even though I won't be home this year for Christmas, he's still going to deliver my presents to where I'll be in a whole different country!

Jess, I'm not great at regular blog-reading, but I remember happening upon and enjoying your blog when it was JustJess. I have read since you moved to Chirky, but I didn't know you'd had a little girl. Congratulations!!! She is absolutely beautiful! I hope you and your family have a wonderful and blessed Christmas!

When I was a preschooler my mom told me that Santa wasn't real and I was devastated. She also didn't want to lie to us. I think my crushed reaction changed her mind though, because she decided mid-conversation to keep him alive for us.
Eventually I did find out that he wasn't real but I felt like I'd always known it. So it didn't bother me. In our family we're more centered on the birth of Jesus and the nativity. So Santa was just a prop anyway and we knew the story of St. Nick. We put out cookies, milk and carrots each year for "Santa" but it was sort of like playing pretend. We knew that our parents were behind the whole thing. The presents were in celebration of Jesus' birthday anyway.

As for those Brittanys - I think all of us have had one at some point, and all of us have been one at another. That's part of growing up.

We made the same decision as you with our children. It is such a personal decision and many of our friends chastise us each year. In our faith, we are taught to live a life of truth and honesty. I personally could not justify doing that in every area of my life except for Santa.... Just for there to be a little "magic". Therefore, our 2 & 5 year old know the truth. Each holiday, ergo through the "it's so fun to play Santa".... Scenario. This year, I was particularly worried about the 5 year old telling her friends the truth. I shared with her that while she knows that Daddy is Santa, not everybody does. Each day, she would come home so proud of herself for "not cracking the secret". Coming from a place like you, where I was devastated to find that my parents lied for 9 years, I just couldn't do it. However, I could see that from someone elses perspective, who was not so hurt by learning the truth, that it wouldn't be a big deal. I am trying so hard to be someone my kids can trust all the time, and pretending that there is a fat guy with presents just to bribe my kids to behave, just didn't add up with that. Good luck with your decision. Also, when your daughter gets older and it's time to talk about this, don't make it a big deal... At about 2 we just started askig our first who Santa was. She would point to Daddy. We would say, "it's so fun to play Santa, but really daddy brings the presents.". And that was the end of it!

My family believes in Jesus. We tell our daughters that Santa is not real because we didn't want to break the news later in life that he isn't. That could risk thier belief that Jesus is not real also. I prefer to not lie to my children. As far as imagination, we have enough fairy princess movies and dress up clothes to keep their imagination running wild for some time.