The Name Event
August 13, 2009
When people ask me What has been the hardest part about being pregnant?, I always pause and think about my answer, a little perplexed because I've really enjoyed being pregnant. I only have six weeks left, and I still sometimes forget that I'm pregnant. Is that even possible? Apparently so.
It's just that nothing about me, other than the size of my abdomen, has really changed. I haven't experienced the same symptoms of pregnancy that I've listened to other women bemoan. I don't have war stories involving my gag reflex and the toilet, or of exhaustion, or of cravings or food aversions. Sometimes I even make up cravings, just to feel more pregnant, like: "Ooooohhh, sweetie. I really want some [insert here: caramel popcorn or garlic bread or fresh blueberries]." And then I get it, and I eat it because I have it and it tastes good, so why not?, but it's generally not particularly satisfying because I wasn't actually craving it in the first place. And I realize how dysfunctional that is, and how awesome it is at the same time, because I'm in a pretty fortunate situation.
Sure, there are some things about pregnancy that are a tad bit uncomfortable (well, okay then - truthfully, only one). Sleeping on my side is something that I still struggle with, because my hips get so sore! Who ever heard of sore hips from lying on your side? But they do, painfully so, and I can generally sleep about 5-6 hours (achieved by flopping back and forth every couple of hours) before I have to pack about four pillows behind me, prop myself up against the headboard, and go back to sleep. And that? That is not really a problem. That said, I'm totally content to endure a few months of sore hips, because what Roger and I will get at the end is entirely worth it.
So there's really only one thing that has been difficult about pregnancy, difficult in the same way that hitting your funny bone isn't always funny - it's also kind of painful - but at least in a somewhat pleasant kind of way. For Roger and me, naming our daughter was one of the most laborious tasks we've encountered during pregnancy. It took hours and days and weeks. It took going on vacation to a secluded island for us to narrow our list down to five that had potential, and that was only after reading through two enormous tomes of baby names. We worked from certain criteria that we had each set:
For Roger, the name had to be short, modern and unique.
For me, it couldn't appear in the Top 100 names for the past ten years (if I'm being truthful, I'd tell you that names in the Top 500 still made me cringe).
We both agreed that we didn't want a name that was easy to make fun of, and we didn’t want her initials to turn into an acronym (so, for example, any names beginning with "E" were out because, when paired with her middle and last name, it would spell ELF). We wanted a name that would be good for a child or a teenager, but also for a 40-year-old professional. And then, obviously, the name had to have a meaningful, positive origin. I mean, we didn’t want to name our daughter something that meant “warthog” in Hebrew, you know?
If you have never been responsible for naming a child, let me tell you now: I had no idea how consuming it would be. There was so much to consider, and this was such a bigger decision than something like naming a pet, which I’ve done many times and hasn’t been so difficult. We agonized over this decision. This was the name we’d be saying THE REST OF OUR LIVES. And when you think about saying one word over and over and over again for the next 60 years, it kind of becomes important that you LIKE that word.
We tossed names back and forth, me guffawing at most of them because they were – horror of horrors! – in the top 25 or 50 or 100 names. I finally consented to consider one name because it was around the 250 mark, THOUGH I CERTAINLY WASN’T HAPPY ABOUT IT. And then Roger stumbled upon another name. He said it aloud, and then again. We looked at each other quizzically, because … maybe. It only appeared once in the Social Security Index in the last ten years, and its grand debut was ranked in the 900s. I kind of loved that.
After researching, we learned that we were pronouncing the name wrong. We didn’t like how the name was supposed to sound, and plus it left our daughter wide-open for serious amounts of very unfortunate teasing, so we began the task of creating our own spelling based on the pronunciation we loved. The spelling we chose is beautiful, so beautiful. Short and modern for Roger, off the baby naming charts for me.
Staring at the name, I turned to Roger:
“But are you sure? Is this a good name for a child? Is it too grown up?”
“I’m sure. It’s totally playful enough for a child.”
“And what about when she’s 45? Is it going to sound childish?”
“Not at all – it’s elegant. It’s timeless. She’ll love it.”
I thought for a moment, and then asked, “But do you think her husband will like her name? I mean, can you imagine him calling her this? ”
Without hesitating, Roger responded, “So tenderly.”
Something about the way that he said that – the lower, more gentle octave of his voice, the love that he communicated in those two words – it sold me.
That's when we knew that there was one word we were excited to repeat for the rest of our lives. (And it wasn't even in the Top 1000, which made it all the more sweet.)
[You may have noticed that we didn’t actually share our daughter’s name today. That’s because we’re fiercely protective of it. If you’re one of the few family or friends who know her name, we would appreciate you helping us keep it private for the next six weeks, when we’ll have the opportunity to introduce our daughter – name and all!]
Comments
Oh my gosh, you are good at cliffhangers! I wanted to scroll down so badly to see the reveal of the name, but I kept the lines I was reading at the bottom of the screen because I knew I'd cheat otherwise. And then this?! More waiting?! For six more weeks?!
Damn, you are good.
I'm with you, though, on the naming criteria. I hate when names are in the top 10. I've always LOVED the name Kate, and I wanted to have a daughter someday who's name is Kate. Not Katherine, not Kathleen, not Katie, not Katrina (not that there's anything wrong with those names). KATE.
However, everyone and their dog went and got pregnant and named their kid Kate.
Someone said the name Madeline the other day, talking about a great-aunt of his. I'd heard the name, but for some reason, it just resounded with me, and I loved it. I mentioned it to K, and we both loved it. Just for giggles (since we don't want to have kids anytime soon), I checked it out in the names list. It's in the top friggin' 10.
BOOO!
Can't wait to hear yours! I'm sure we, you, Roger, your family, your daughter, and her future husband will LOVE it!
Posted by: my life is brilliant | August 13, 2009 11:34 AM
Hi there. I'm a lurker and just had to come out of hiding to say that I can't wait to hear your baby name! I have 5 weeks of pregnancy left and so it's been really fun to hear how things have been going for you. (I am one of the unfortunate ones with morning sickness, heartburn and huge kankles.) But am very glad you are having an "easy" pregnancy.
That's it. Congratulations! And can't wait to see your baby girl on the flip side!
Posted by: Alicia | August 13, 2009 12:06 PM
What an amazing story! I can't wait until she is born so that you can share her beautiful name with us - until then, enjoy the secret and the path you took to choose it.
Posted by: TUWABVB | August 13, 2009 12:35 PM
ps it's your Babymoon!
Posted by: Alicia | August 13, 2009 12:39 PM
What a tease!!!! But I loved hearing the story, such a sweet memory. Sadly, this is the beginning of your child never appreciating how much effort you put into them. It's the curse of parenthood. So call your mom right now and tell her you love her.
Posted by: Erica | August 13, 2009 01:12 PM
Oooh, i love this. I love that you put that kind of thought into her name. I always wonder if people ever think what their baby's name is going to look like on a resume - but i've never thought about what a potential significant other would think. Brilliant.
I always think of a post i read on some blog (and i wish i could remember which one) about the Nightclub Test. If you yell that name at a loud party, will the listener understand what her name is? It wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me, but i think it's kind of funny. Can't wait to find out what you picked!
Posted by: claire | August 13, 2009 01:53 PM
LOVE that pic!! Congrats on finding a name!!
Posted by: Jenny B | August 13, 2009 02:30 PM
Well, now I am very curious. You are too funny with all of your rules. We just picked names that we liked, popular or not. Most of them are pretty common, although not so common that there are five of them in each class or anything. But we like them.
And you like yours, and that is all that matters. So glad y'all found the perfect name for your precious girl.
Posted by: nicole | August 13, 2009 04:35 PM
We were very proud of our name and couldn't keep it secret. Can't wait to find out what your baby girls name will be.
Posted by: Bobbi Janay | August 13, 2009 06:09 PM
I'm dying to know! Tell me, tell me, tell me!
Seriously, you're lucky to have found the perfect name. And you'll be bestowed with the perfect daughter. :)
God bless all three of you!
Posted by: Ki | August 14, 2009 12:27 AM
Oh, so mean! You know everyone is going to be wondering what the final name is. I love that you were so insistent on not choosing a popular name (I would be the same way). :)
Posted by: Zandria | August 14, 2009 01:12 AM
Oh, Jes, I can't wait to hear her name. I know what you mean about using super-popular names. In 2006, Zoey was 120th on the list and in 2008, Ruby was 113th. I didn't want our kiddos to deal with what I dealt with...Jennifer was the number one name from 70-84. I love that you're keeping it a secret. :)
Posted by: Jenni Cribbs | August 15, 2009 09:59 PM
Oooooo! Can't wait to hear what you two decided on! It must be so exciting to pick out a name for a new person. Weeeeeeee!
As for having a unique name, it can be…well, rather unique. I am one of only two people with my name as a first name (both of us are female). And even as a last name, my name is tied to only a handful of people worldwide. So, it isn’t common. At all. But it is a family name, which makes it very special.
When I was little I used to wish my name to be “Genny”. I longed to have a name that was familiar and common. There were 5 girls in my 2nd grade class that were either named “Genny” or “Jenny”, and I was oh-so jealous. I also wanted a name that was easy to spell. I have one of the most misspelled names in history (or at least since 1963, which is a whole other issue), so I’m used to correcting people. It is also a name that has no gender assigned to it, which makes for interesting conversations when people assume I am male before actually meeting me (which is kind of odd because I cannot imagine my name on a boy).
But, as an adult, I’ve definitely grown to love my name and embrace its uniqueness. It is kind of fun to have a name that no one else – save for one much older relative – has. And as long as it passes the “banana song” test, I think any name you chose will be golden!
Congrats!
Posted by: Deals | August 17, 2009 11:54 AM
I'm looking forward to hearing the name! I think parents get some special inspiration when choosing a name for a child - and I'm sure it'll be just exactly right for her.
Posted by: Lia | August 18, 2009 09:13 AM
Love the beached whale, I mean beachwear. Love your outfit! The toes are a nice touch. Did you raid my closet?
Posted by: MOM | August 18, 2009 04:51 PM
MOTHER. I cannot even believe you just called me a beached whale on my BLOG. (Though yes, I like how you can barely see my toes, too! And did you notice the baby name book laying on the beach?)
Posted by: chirky | August 18, 2009 05:08 PM