In the Pink
August 20, 2008
So many of you advised that I take a pregnancy test that I actually started to believe I was pregnant. I mean, I had several classic pregnancy signs: nausea, odor aversions, food cravings, excessive tiredness, dull headaches, elevated temperature. I even started to have weird pains in my side and imagined that I could feel my chocolate-chip-sized baby growing. (In all of this, my overactive imagination has definitely remained intact.)
I obsessively culled through 19 pages (19!) of forums about creative ways to announce to family and friends that you’re pregnant. I was already mentally planning trips to local baby boutiques, questioning how I would tell Roger, wondering at what point my innie would become an outie.
And so, on your recommendation, I went home last night and took a pregnancy test. It was something I purchased for the Great Scare of 2005, back when we just weren’t ready, and it expired in October 2007. But do those things ever REALLY expire? I mean, it’s just pee on a stick. It’s not exactly perishable. (Sidenote: it seems that a lot of people wrap these tests and give them to their spouse/friends/family, and I just don’t understand that. You are giving them a gift that you URINATED on. Something about that is kind of repulsive to me.)
I stared at it and waited for something to happen. Nothing did. Remembering all those stories I read online about women discovering they were pregnant long after the 3-minute mark, I set the test aside and decided to look at it later. I waited twenty minutes, just to be sure to give it enough time, and still: nothing.
Just a solitary pink line.
After getting myself so excited about the possibility of being pregnant, it was disappointing news. I stared at the test, hoping my eyes were playing tricks on me. I searched for a very faint line, but there was just the one surrounded by a field of white cotton. I considered getting one of my pink markers and drawing a second line.
But I didn’t. I’m not THAT obsessive.
Comments
I can imagine that being disappointing! Hugs to you.
Posted by: abbersnail | August 20, 2008 05:36 PM
I've only done the scared pregnancy test once, and I don't even want kids and there is still some inexplicable disappointment at the negative test.
Posted by: slynnro | August 20, 2008 06:20 PM
Sorry Jes :( Always hard news to swallow. I've occasionally taken a pregnancy test or two over the years when I've inexplicably (I'm on the pill!) experienced typical pregnancy symptoms. Even though I'm using birth control and actively trying to PREVENT pregnancy, each time I've been at least mildly disappointed to discover that there's no baby cooking. One day we'll be great mamas :)
Wonder what all those weird symptoms were then?
Posted by: Laura | August 20, 2008 07:42 PM
dude...what is it about negative pregnancy tests being so disappointing? i mean, i'm single, working part time, and in no possible way need a kid...
but when i had a bit of a scare, i actually got excited about it (did pretty much all the same things you did), took the test, and cried when it was negative. and i even dug it out of the trash the next day, just to be sure.
*sigh* it really does suck to be a woman
Posted by: biddy | August 20, 2008 10:30 PM
In 15 years of dealing with infertility (and also having taken some 30 hpt's, all negative), I have never come across someone who understands completely... but you do.I am sorry for you, but glad to know I am not alone.
It's never that I think I'm going to die or freak out that I am not pregnant. It's that I get myself all worked up and do all the things you did here.
Hope your day is a good one. *hugs*
Posted by: Jayleigh | August 21, 2008 05:50 AM
You know, it's strange. I've only taken one pregnancy test (a scared one) and at the time (too young to be disappointed) i was very relieved that it was negative.
Now, i still don't want any kids ever, but i wonder if i would be disappointed, too.
Maybe this means you're ready for kids?
Posted by: claire | August 21, 2008 03:44 PM
Umm - maybe you need a fresh test. It's not the pee on a stick being perishable that might be a problem. It's the chemicals on the stick that might react with the wrapper or the environment thats the problem. There's an expiration date for a reason. And I'm pretty sure that reason is not that the pregnancy test manufacturers want you continually buying a fresh test to keep on hand. I mean, after all, really, who always keeps a pregnancy test on hand? A small percentage of the population, I'd guess. Sorry for the long rant, it's the wine talking.
Posted by: Lulabelle | August 21, 2008 10:20 PM
Awww - I'm sorry, Jes. :(
Ironically enough, I too just (this week) had a pregnancy scare. I had an appt with my OBGYN anyway so I just "mentioned in passing" that it was a possibility that I was. I had the classic symptoms, too... tiredness, EMOTIONAL, CRANKY, bloating, headaches, peeing every 30 minutes, runny nose, food cravings (but for me, that really isn't abnormal, is it?), I was visited by Aunt Flow but she may as well of not showed up, etc. etc.
The nurse left me alone to go run the test. After she found out the results, she poked her head in my room and said, "it was negative. but since you just ended your cycle like a week ago, it's still a possibility..." To me, that is like giving bad news (or really good news I suppose for some people) and should have been discussed with me a little more delicately. I felt like I needed a hug or my hand held while she told me or -something-! And it wasn't like we were trying to get pregnant, but if it happened we were ok with it. Either way though, once I got to my car, the tears fell. It's weird how much we'll build ourselves up for disappointment, isn't it?
Posted by: Lisa | August 22, 2008 08:38 AM
I've had a friend or two get a false negative on a pregnancy test. If you feel up to it, get a brand new test and try again, just to be sure. I agree that gagging at the smell of bacon is concerning...
Posted by: hikooky | August 22, 2008 04:11 PM