Lip Service
June 30, 2008
A couple months ago, The Mike Stand tagged me for a Six Weird Things About You meme. I wrote a similar entry a while back, but it was actually a photoblog of Six Weird Things About My Home. I wasn’t feeling vulnerable enough at the time to share six things about myself, I suppose, even if it was just about my addiction to chapstick. (Foreshadowing!) Without further ado, here is another weird thing about me:
I’ve since purchased a home and moved, and those six weird things probably all still apply, but to a different space. Our remodel is a never-ending project, one with dusty concrete floors and unpacked boxes and holes in the drywall. We’re loving our new house more and more with each change we make – though at this point we’re still living with blank white walls (to be remedied soon-ish!) and we still have all those dachshunds.
As I thought through weird things about myself – and believe me: there are a lot – I concluded that everything requires explanation. Isn’t that the way it always is? And so I’ve devised a plan to make each tidbit I expose into its own post, which seems like a much better idea than describing everything in a single post, an entry that would undoubtedly be more than eight pages of text. Lucky you.
A few months ago I purchased a lip gloss at Holly’s suggestion, though I want to make this clear: I bought it because (a) it was cheap, so if I hated it I wouldn’t have wasted much money; and (b) she lauded its ability to look good on anyone, which – you know – kind of seemed like a challenge. Would it look good on anyone, including me? (It did. And I’m still wearing it.) However, I didn’t purchase the lip gloss based on her explanation of why she bought it: she wanted her lips to look chapped, because they turned “the most perfect shade of pinky-red.”
I mean, a perfect shade of pinky-red sounds great, but Holly is a unique case. To wit: her lips look good when chapped. When MY lips get chapped, I can barely pay attention to the color because I’m too concerned with all that skin peeling off. And then the cycle starts: I lick my lips, I bite them, I mash them together. I soak my lips in chapstick and lip balm and lip gloss and anything else I can find that promises to relieve chapped lips. I don't care if I buy it at the drugstore or the grocery store or a department store. I just care that it works. (Which, incidentally - I'm always open to suggestions if you have them.)
I squirrel away several chapsticks and lip balms in my bathroom drawers, at least two in my purse, two on my nightstand, one in each car. I keep spares at my parents’ homes, in my desk at work, in winter coats that are stashed away in the closet. When Roger and I go out and I leave my purse behind, I fill his pockets with my tubes of lip gloss. And when I find that I’m mysteriously without? I stop and buy some. I am addicted. And maybe that’s not so strange.
What IS weird, though, is that I cannot fall asleep without covering my lips in a protective layer of balm -- I mean, it makes sense, perhaps, considering Roger cannot sleep without a fan blowing on him (which subsequently blows air on me) -- and I know this because I have tried. I have tried, to no avail, to break myself of this chapstick habit, and the result is always the same: I lie awake for hours and all I can think about is how dry my lips are going to get if I don’t roll over, unscrew that cap and swipe the applicator over my lips.
Am I alone in this? Tell me I’m not alone.
Comments
It's TRUE! The girl probably has at least 15 tubes of lip balm, lip gloss and chap stick squirreled away all over the house, in each of her purses, many of her coat pockets and in both of our cars. If she EVER gets into a car and can't find some chap stick in the glove box, this is enough to almost send her into a panic attack. So silly!
Posted by: Roger | June 30, 2008 11:08 AM
You are NOT alone!! I am the same way - I have chapstick everywhere and the moment I realize I'm without, I go into panic mode. My lips immediately feel chapped and I feel desperate for relief. I too apply chapstick every night before bed. I apply it right after I wash my face in the AM, before I go to work, several times during the day, when I get home, you get the picture! :)
Posted by: Nicolle | June 30, 2008 11:40 AM
Every night before we go to sleep, I put Sepohra Banana Lip Butter on Aaron. He has severely chapped lips and it is the only thing that helps. We call it Banana Therapy. So I can't sleep without putting lip balm on someone else. I'm even stranger than you.
Posted by: slynnro | June 30, 2008 11:54 AM
Interesting confession. I also carry chapstick pretty much everywhere - in the purse, at my desk, in my makeup bag - but I don't think I could sleep with chapstick on - my face would feel weird, and I'd end up biting it all off. And then my lips would have all the skin bitten off, which would be worse than their being chapped.
Posted by: Lia | June 30, 2008 01:36 PM
I can't wait to see the Cover Girl Lipslick on you IN PERSON!
Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | June 30, 2008 04:53 PM
Yes, I like you, have chapstick everywhere; in cars, purses, nightstand, bathroom drawers. Erica hates if I use the one in her kitchen drawer, but I don't care. (file that away for future reference)
By the way, I bought the lip gloss after reading your blog, and NO it doesn't look good on everyone.
Posted by: Erica's mom | June 30, 2008 07:42 PM
My husband MUST use chapstick after he brushes his teeth or it's all he can think about until he can get some lube on his lips. He claims the toothpaste dries his lips out.
Posted by: Radish | July 1, 2008 08:29 AM
I don't do this, but I do sleep with a fan blowing. It is a nightmare to have to go without it.
Posted by: eddo | July 1, 2008 03:50 PM
I have cut back on my chap stick addiction but it is definitely still there. I have to put chap stick on after I brush my teeth so I cannot sleep at night without it (since I brush my teeth every night before bed). I also have a tube in my purse, two at my desk, in winter coat pockets, etc. I used to keep them in my car but I've had one too many melt and make a mess so I don't do that anymore.
I managed to go water skiing/boating/camping a couple weeks ago and didn't apply chap stick even one time and I was actually quite proud of myself. I think that was a record for me.
Posted by: K | July 2, 2008 06:50 AM
You definitely are not alone. My dad keeps a tub of this stuff called Mentholatum on his nightstand because he cannot handle going to sleep without it. (Incidentally, he swears by this stuff. It's damn near impossible to find, but I also recommend it even though it will make your lips smell like a medicine cabinet.)
Posted by: Lara | July 2, 2008 04:05 PM
If everything didn't require some explanation, every blog would look like McSweeney's... then again, that wouldn't be so bad.
Also, my wife shares your nighttime balming routine, only she doesn't trust herself to keep the balm on her side -- she'd rather poke me to reach to my bedside table, hand it to her, and then take custody of it again. I think she believes I'm more responsible with it than she is.
She also gets mad when I kiss her after she applies, as she accuses me of "just doing it to steal all her lip balm". I then point out that I can actually only steal half of it, since after that, I'd be giving back as much as I'm taking. She then accuses me of bullshittery.
Jes, thanks for giving me this opportunity to blog in your comments. :)
Posted by: mike | July 7, 2008 09:02 AM
You know what I do when Roger tries to kiss me after I put my lip balm on? I put balm on him. That way, at least, I know I won't be losing any.
Posted by: chirky | July 7, 2008 09:05 AM
See? Totally rational.
Posted by: mike | July 7, 2008 12:00 PM