Under Where?
May 05, 2008
I’ve lost my underwear.
Now, don’t you worry yourself, because there is good news: I do have the seven pairs I packed in my suitcase when we moved more than two weeks ago. The washing machine and dryer are hooked up (thanks, Dad!), so I’ve been able to wash our clothes over the past couple of weeks. Still, there are dozens of pairs that should be somewhere in our house, and it kills me that I don’t know where they are.
I’ve searched for them, and I know exactly how they are packed: in a white trash bag, which I then stuffed into a black trash bag. In an awkward moment of modesty, I was desperately afraid that, while carrying dresser drawers, the guys helping us move were going to see my unmentionables. So I hurriedly stuffed them into the bags, and threw them onto the moving truck. We had already packed over 100 boxes, and still, we ran out. Trash bags provided the perfect improvisation. Incidentally, we also packed our couch cushions and decorative pillows in this way, and they’re all accounted for. Which brings me to the conclusion that somewhere, somehow, those trash bags may have been thrown away in a cleaning frenzy. And I’m not sure how I feel about that.
On one hand, some of my favorite things to wear were in that drawer. When I got married, I was given a piece of advice by a friend who had married the year before. The advice was on a simple piece of paper, and if you don’t already know, let me share it with you: “Always wear pretty panties.” Even if no one else sees them, they make you feel pretty. It’s true - you should try it!
On the other hand, if everything from that drawer has been relegated to the dump, at least I have the consolation that I get to shop for NEW pairs. If there’s anything I like to shop for, it’s under-things. (And shoes, for that matter.) Tables piled high with silk and cotton are like a tractor beam, pulling me forward, and even if I don’t buy anything, I still have to look. (Just in case, you see.)
Unless I uncover them soon, I think I may be doing more than just looking at those tables. I foresee an entirely new, ahem, "wardrobe" in my future.
Comments
Have you considered going high tech? ... You would never lose your underwear again with these nifty GPS panties!
http://forgetmenotpanties.com/
If you ever misplace them again, you can monitor their location through the mapping software, pantyMap®.
Posted by: Roger | May 5, 2008 11:28 AM
I sure hope Roger made that all up because it would be even more hilarious than if that actually existed. Unfortunately, I am afraid to click on that link at work to see if it is real. I love the idea of a pantyMap. LOL!
Posted by: eddeaux | May 5, 2008 12:03 PM
P.S. You have been reading Anna Karinina for like 8 years.
Posted by: eddeaux | May 5, 2008 12:59 PM
Eddeaux: I'm a slow reader since becoming preoccupied searching for my panties!
Posted by: chirky | May 5, 2008 02:13 PM
Oh man, rule #1 never pack things in trash bags. Of all my moves this is the best rule of all. Too late now though.
And that advice is GREAT advice for any woman. And that's from a husband's point of view. The best married advice I heard but didn't get was from a grandmother to her grand daughter. Imagine think NC accents. "Honey, if your man likes what's in the kitchen, he won't be visiting the buffet." Yes, that is a euphemism.
~Jef
Posted by: Edge | May 5, 2008 02:47 PM
Well it's better than losing your precious Quisinart food processor. Yeah, major suckage. When we moved last November we had a bunch of people helping us out. I clearly remember packing it into a box, along with our rubber oven 'mitts' that are also missing. This would be an obviously heavy box. Perhaps not clearly marked with the contents. Still... we've unpacked most of our boxes and the ones we haven't unpacked we've searched through at least 3 times. Unless there's a box hiding in the corner of the garage underneath all the other "crap" that is stuffed in there, it's gone. And I'm so upset about it! I mean, those things aren't cheap! And it was a wedding gift from my MIL! And I used it all the time for baking, mixing dough, making salsa, banana bread, etc. Waahhhhh!!!!!
Oh, but a funny thing did happen to us. A couple years ago when we moved some friends of ours gave us an old beat up set of washer & dryer. We used them for a while until they kicked the bucket. Then my parents gave us their old used set. Unfortunately, being the rednecks that we are, we just moved the old set out onto the back patio until we'd have time/inclination to take them to the dump or put them out on the street as FREE. Well, months went by and they were still out there. Meanwhile Hub-E had remarked here & there about missing socks. And then one day I randomly decided to look inside the washer and dryer. Guess what?! There was a whole load of Hub-E's clothes still in the dryer - socks and all. He was happy to have them back again and I thought we must be some sort of white trash to do such a thing.
Posted by: Chiada | May 5, 2008 03:13 PM
Packing in trash bags? Jes, really?
On the other hand, it's always nice to have an excuse to replace a wardrobe. See the bright side. :)
Posted by: Lia | May 5, 2008 03:29 PM
OMG! I LOVE undie shopping! it's like a coke addiction or something.
and it's really sad that i can go at least 2 months without having to wash any undies because i have SO many
Posted by: Biddy | May 5, 2008 05:02 PM
Trash bags for moving are never a good thing. I know of what I speak.
When you wear your pretty underwear do you sing, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright!" a la West Side Story?
Posted by: Dingo | May 5, 2008 05:27 PM
This is both the best, and worst commercial ever for clear trash bags.
Posted by: mike | May 6, 2008 11:21 AM
I think you're gonna find the bag of panties. It's probably somewhere that you least expect it to be. Maybe the movers thought it was a bag of cleaning rags and put it in the garage or something?
Posted by: mrs. blogoway | May 9, 2008 07:57 AM
Oh, I'm right up there with one of your commenters on having too many pairs of panties. I realized most days, I wind up wearing 4 pairs (pair I sleep in, pair of no-panty-lines-please for the day, pair I change into when I get home -- which is the same pair I wear to the gym -- and then my post-shower pair that I sleep in). I have enough panties to last me well over two weeks (maybe even three) without having to do laundry. Pretty pathetic!
What works to your advantage right now, though, is that Victoria's Secret has panties on sale right now -- 5 pairs for $25. Can't beat that!
Posted by: my life is brilliant | May 9, 2008 03:42 PM
Packing in a trash bag? Sounds, um, dangerous.
Posted by: BOSSY | May 10, 2008 05:20 PM
Go commando. No V.P.L, no uncomfortable ride up. It's underrated.
Posted by: jen | May 12, 2008 05:19 PM
I'm not a fan of shopping in general, but underwear shopping is lowest on my list.
Poor husband of mine, although he wouldn't know a camisole from a cornflake, he just got so tired of looking at my granny panties that he motivated all on his own to get me a Victoria's Secret gift card.
Now I just have to get my ass (literally) to the mall.
Posted by: manager mom | May 13, 2008 02:39 PM
I bet they show up when you least expect it.
And I agree with the advice you received - always wear pretty panties! :o)
Posted by: Denise | May 13, 2008 05:48 PM
Okay, Roger... I'm heading over to Pantymap now...
Posted by: eddo | May 14, 2008 10:46 PM