How To Lose Five Pounds In Three Days
August 20, 2007
| Roger: “If you were invited to your podiatrist’s house for drinks, what do you think he’d serve you?” Jes (blank stare): “ . . . ” Roger: “A moji-TOE!” |
I should tell you that I’m not dead, that my toe didn’t require surgery, that it didn’t require much at all, actually, and now it’s almost back to normal. I’m also here to inform you that according to my podiatrist, cutting v-shaped notches in your nails and filing the center of your nails down won’t stop an ingrown toenail from forming. “It’s just an old wives’ tale,” he said, knowing full-well that it wouldn’t stop me from doing it, just because I like to cover all my bases.
In other news, I reached a milestone this weekend: I lost five pounds by simply sitting around and doing nothing. It’s true, and if you want to do the same I suggest you knock on my door and let me breathe on you for a couple minutes. That way you, too, can lie about on a couch, alternately sleeping, watching movies (Freedom Writers is an excellent choice for sappy movie watching and might induce tears) and checking your temperature. Mine reached 102°, the highest it has been in nearly 18 years. It was a pretty boring weekend, except for the part where I got to eat Popsicles for no reason at all. And lose weight because of it.
I won’t tell you the other benefits of me breathing on you, but I’ll give you a hint: drinking water from the tap in Mexico – or, worse, lapping up stagnant water from an e-coli infested pond in Mexico – ain’t got nothin’ on me, baby.
Comments
Oh...I had a similar flu bug ON MY BIRTHDAY. I lost almost 10 pounds in three days. It was awful (including a dry heave...or twelve). The weight loss was nice, but I wouldn't wish to go through it again.
Thanks for not posting any more toe pictures. Or any flu pictures :)
Posted by: Angella | August 20, 2007 01:21 PM
I'm always on the lookout for ways to lose five pounds, but I think I'll pass, thank you ;) Bless you...I hope you're feeling better now?
Posted by: Jennifer | August 20, 2007 01:27 PM
So are you feeling better friend?
Posted by: Katie | August 20, 2007 04:36 PM
Phew, glad to hear your toe is ok, Jes.
I am still mentally scarred with last picture ;p
Posted by: PRETTY IN THE CITY | August 21, 2007 06:12 AM
Your foot and ankle surgeon was right, I found a page that says it's a myth about cutting a V in an ingrown toenail (you have to scroll to the end of it to see it):
http://www.footphysicians.com/footankleinfo/ingrown-toenail.htm
Posted by: Austin Kenilworth | August 21, 2007 04:01 PM
I hope you're feeling better!
Posted by: -R- | August 21, 2007 04:28 PM
Poor thing. You've had ingrown toenails, fevers AND podiatrist jokes. What a week...
Posted by: Loralee | August 21, 2007 05:03 PM
Hope you feel better!
Posted by: Amstaff Mom | August 21, 2007 06:42 PM
Um, I actually giggled a the moji-TOE joke for a second. Glad you're feeling better, Jes!
Posted by: metalia | August 21, 2007 09:24 PM
Get better. *hugs*
p.s...mojitoe! funny!
Posted by: Ki | August 22, 2007 09:49 AM