Operation Cure-All
June 22, 2007
I never had allergies until I lived with a roommate who owned two cats. And then another girl moved in, with two more cats, which made the human to cat ratio in our home about four times higher than I could withstand. For the past seven years I've blamed my allergies on those cats, though I counted myself fortunate that my allergies were limited to only one short season. Recently, I learned that I was wrong.
For the past couple of weeks my eyes have itched – a tickly itch I couldn't ignore – right at the hairline of my eyelashes. Initially, I assumed I had developed a sudden mascara allergy, so I threw away my favorite mascara (How could I have been so stupid?) and I switched brands. (Seriously. The stupidity. Sometimes it overwhelms me.)
When the allergy didn't dissipate, I threw away my contact lenses, certain that a new pair would solve my problem. It didn't. That is why this weekend, in a moment of desperation and against my better judgment, I asked my mom for advice.
She told me I wouldn't like her answer, which meant that I already knew what she would say. (Remember the late-night incident of 2006?) It involved one of two ingredients: baking soda or apple cider vinegar. I groaned. Not skipping a beat, she told me to dilute a tiny bit of apple cider vinegar in water, and then use a Q-tip to rub it along each of my eyelids. I looked at her like she was crazy, knowing that the vinegar would sting like the claws of a thousand feral cats dancing across each of my delicate irises. (Like TNT, I Know Drama.)
Weighing my options, I decided that the vinegar blend might be a better route than I had previously taken, especially if my original course had me on the path to throw away the rest of my makeup. That's why two nights ago, when Roger watched me retrieve the vinegar, he began to lament: "Great. That's so sexy. Tell your mom THANKS A LOT for making me lie next to a human-sized dill pickle all night long."
From the bathroom, I rolled my eyes and opened the bottle. The stench hit me like a Mack truck slamming into a brick wall. I considered how much of the vinegar I should dilute, remembered how desperate I was, and decided: None. When I do something, it's never half-hearted. I am the Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor of home therapy. I take my vinegar straight up, full strength, none of this pansy-footing around with diluted liquid. I dipped the cotton swab directly into the bottle and swept the wetted cotton in a circle around my eye.
And then I died: It felt like red-hot coals were searing my cornea.
It's been only two days, and my eyes are back to normal. And now that I've purged my makeup bag of its mascara, it's time for me to visit the Mothership at last (and I'm taking suggestions).
Comments
Holy crap! Does this really work??? My eyes itch there ALL THE TIME. As in, I yank my eyelashes out trying to quell the itch. I'm so intrigued now!
Posted by: abbersnail | June 22, 2007 04:38 PM
Your mom is the QUEEN of home remedies!!
Posted by: Michelle | June 22, 2007 04:42 PM
i can't believe that apple vinegar solved it. i'll have to remember that remedy in the future when i feel like burning out my eyeballs.
human-sized dill pickle..haha..
Posted by: mcgee | June 22, 2007 04:47 PM
I love the mothership too!
Posted by: Heather | June 22, 2007 05:34 PM
Dude. Seriously? Vinegar? I bet that hurt like a mofo.
And it cracks me up that Roger called you a dill pickle. Whenever I get a sunburn I dump some white vinegar on a paper towel or wash cloth and rub it all over the sunburn. My husband says it makes me smell like a douche. HA! Jerk.
Posted by: Karly | June 22, 2007 06:36 PM
Chirky Dill Pickle's
Mom's the queen of home fix-its
Yucky smell, alright!
(comment haiku)
Posted by: Jayleigh | June 22, 2007 10:44 PM
Why you threw away your cool mascara? Hmmm.
I just knew vinegar can be used as an alternative medicine. They smell bad and stink.
Anyway, I am so glad your eyes are well now.
Posted by: PRETTY IN THE CITY | June 23, 2007 01:14 AM
Seriously? Apple cider vinegar cures itchy allergy eyes? And I have been suffering all this time? You are my saviour. Plus, yes that stuff reeks but my mom (who is the queen of homemade everything, including dog food) mixes it into their golden retriever's dinner, so I got used to the smell a long time ago. I can take it. Bring it!! Short term pain = long term gain.
Posted by: Laura | June 23, 2007 06:35 AM
Who'd have thought that would work? Mommy knows best huh?
Posted by: Ki | June 23, 2007 10:28 AM
I know what you mean. I have allergies so bad right now that I'm taking Vicaden for a sore throat. All allergy related.
What's wrong with Claratin or Benedryl these days?
~Jef
Posted by: Edge | June 23, 2007 04:52 PM
That's the WORST when your eyelids itch there! Glad it's better, even if you had to endure the sting. Eek!
Posted by: my life is brilliant | June 23, 2007 07:53 PM
oooo.. .ouch! but I personally LOVE the smell of vinegar. I could drink pickle juice. yum.
Posted by: Jenn | June 24, 2007 03:15 PM
While at the mothership, do you mind picking up a few things for me? Pleaseandthankyou. :-)
Posted by: Heather B. | June 24, 2007 09:29 PM
I'm not an expert, but have the same damn problem in the summer. Before you end up rubbing yourself into a bacterial infection, try some over the counter eye allergy drops.
I had this problem at the begining of the month and could have averted a bacterial infection if I would have just went to get the drops to begin with.
So, not only did I get to enjoy my coke bottle thick glasses for 3 weeks, I looked like someone poked me in both eyeballs, and I couldn't wear makeup during that time.
It was lovely.
Posted by: Heidi | June 25, 2007 01:47 AM
I use Visine-A (for allergy eyes) almost every day. Totally keeps my eyes from burning and itching. I asked my eye doctor about them, and he says that using the drops regularly isn't an issue. This, of course, is a very good thing (if it wasn't, I don't know what I'd do).
Anyway, I only have to use them once or twice a day and I'm set. Nothing against using Vinegar, but maybe this would be a less painful solution?!
Posted by: Deals | June 25, 2007 12:30 PM
DUDE. Diorshow Mascara, either original or Blackout (which they actually only sell at Sephora...it's a deeper thicker black than the original ). I swear by the stuff.
Posted by: metalia | June 26, 2007 10:28 PM
I was so hoping the Mothership link would lead to sephora... and it DID! YAY!
My sis LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES Diroshow. It's next on my list-o-stuff to buy.
Posted by: Courtney | June 28, 2007 09:35 AM