Snoozer
May 03, 2007
For the past couple of days I've been at a conference, completely robbed of Internet access, which for me is akin to bludgeoning a limb and watching it bleed. Or, worse - like involuntarily mutilating a limb while in a coma - that was how impossibly dull one particular speaker was - and I was entirely incapable of doing anything about it. Like leaving.
I looked over at my manager, wishing I had my laptop, and watched as he nodded off to sleep. He had made a gallant effort to complete a crossword puzzle - so far he had 4, 6 and 12 down, as well as 7 and 21 across. Not bad, considering he was taking a nap.
In previous years, this particular seminar presenter has threatened to put me to sleep, as well. I've done shots of espresso beforehand, dug my fingernails into my arms to help me stay awake and propped my head in my hands, which were simultaneously prying open my eyelids. But this year – this year was different – I had a plan.
In an effort to remain alert throughout the presentation, I kept myself busy. And so I bestow upon you:
Things I Did While Everyone Else Slept Through The Seminar
- Made a list of my work responsibilities
- Mentally perused my closet and made a list of clothes I want to purchase, like a gray A-line skirt that hits just below the knee and a cream-colored suit. I'm also imagining that I can find the exact shade that I desire of each, and that no tailoring is involved. Pretty!
- Noticed that the sconces hanging on either side of the entrance doors were unevenly hung, and that one of the six sets of doors was missing a sconce. Entertained myself by inventing reasons why the sconce might be gone.
- Searched walls for wallpaper seams. Could not find.
- Wrote a note to my manager asking a relevant question regarding the seminar topic about our business line, folded it into a paper airplane, and threw toward him. It pelted him in the chest, he woke up, and was clearly impressed that I was paying attention to the lecture. So impressed, in fact, that he gave me the rest of the day off.
Maybe attending the conference wasn't that bad, after all.
Comments
Ohhhh, poor you! I have been to boring snooze inducing seminars myself. One was at the local junior college's theater, so it was dark with the lights being dimmed and most light on the stage below. I know for sure I fell asleep, hard as I tried to stay awake. Not the greatest invironment for a seminar! I don't think I'd have the guts to send a paper airplane at my boss.
Posted by: Chiada | May 3, 2007 10:50 AM
Chiada, a dark theater would make it VERY hard to stay awake! About the airplane, he laughed and shot me a quizzical brow.
Posted by: jes | May 3, 2007 11:00 AM
When you say "manager," do you mean the man that was my former manager as well, or one of the other guys? Because if it's the one that used to be my boss, I went to a stockholders meeting with him one time, and he entertained himself by telling me company gossip and by trying to get me to raise my hand to ask a question. It served the very useful purpose of allowing me to not pay attention to the speakers. If I'd known that crossword puzzles were allowed, though, I'd have brought one. And if paying attention would have gotten me the rest of the day off, I would have tried that, too.
Posted by: JLR | May 3, 2007 12:10 PM
p.s. Why was there a sconce missing? This is going to bother me.
Posted by: JLR | May 3, 2007 12:12 PM
Ahahaha, these are the moments where I take advantage of my ability to be asleep with my eyes open. I must have stumbled upon this talent in college when I had to sit through boring lectures from profs that stated beforehand "this will not be on the test" which translates in my mind to "mindless blubbering that makes me feel smart when in fact I'm an idiot because you have all zoned out and are only hear for the perfect attendance curve." Nice work on the aeroplane though.
Posted by: Katie | May 3, 2007 12:58 PM
I was sure you were kidding on the airplane. I would never have the guts. You have a boss with a good attitude.
Unfortunately, I have a singular disability: I can't fall asleep in class/presentation/whatnot. I've taken to serious introspection. Also crossword puzzles, but mostly, I'm trying to find myself. *shudder* What'll I do if I ever work it out?
Posted by: Lia | May 3, 2007 02:22 PM
OHMYGOD. I know what you do, because I do it too. THESE SEMINARS IN THIS FIELD ARE THE WORST.
Posted by: Jurgen Nation | May 3, 2007 06:17 PM
Playing games from mobile phone can be an option for killing time. ^o^ That'is what I always do when I am trying to stay awake.
Posted by: PrettyInTheCity | May 3, 2007 09:33 PM
love the airplane.... rock on jes
Posted by: Jayleigh | May 3, 2007 10:36 PM
I have to go to a three day conference in about a month that will probably be very similar. And I will be without blog access for SIX FULL DAYS.
Posted by: -R- | May 3, 2007 11:13 PM
Ha Ha! The airplane thing is pretty funny.
and if you find that cream suit, please share!
Posted by: Mrs. M | May 4, 2007 07:37 AM
Ha! I, too, have a habit of taking a mental inventory of my clothes during meetings. That, and finding a particularly long word in the meeting's handout, and playing "Boggle" with it.
Posted by: metalia | May 7, 2007 07:29 PM
Jes, I can't imagine you ever being bored. When I am bored I just try to imagine what is going on inside that head of yours and then I am entertained for hours!
Posted by: eddo | May 8, 2007 10:42 AM
I shop inside my head too. I make up outfits, make lists of what I need to complete my wardrobe, invent the perfect shoes for every outfit and then I can never find them in the store because I've MADE THEM UP.
We seriously need to get together, twin.
Posted by: Emily | May 8, 2007 07:43 PM
I would've been nodding off with the rest of them. Me + long, boring seminar = no control over my eyelids and mental state.
You earned being sent home early, that's for sure!
Posted by: my life is brilliant | May 9, 2007 09:21 AM
Wow, you are much better at entertaining yourself than I. While the airplane note was risky it definitely paid off ... such ingenuity! Such ambition! You will go far.
Posted by: Em | May 9, 2007 11:31 AM