Chirky

My goodness Jes, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. SO sorry, I can't possibly express it, what an awful burden to have to bear. I wish I could take it away.

I think your entry that you've posted is really insightful and shows that you have really acknowledged the impact these events have had on your life, that you are dealing with them in an appropriate way. That is good news.

I can't say I've been through the sexual abuse experiences that you've suffered, but I do understand the feeling of "crumbling" and questioning your sanity. I've never been diagnosed with depression, but my mom and brother suffer so badly from it I know it runs in my family, and I've felt it creep up on me, too close for comfort. Sometimes I spend three days crying, crumbling, collapsing in on myself and pushing everyone else out, and I feel like it might suck me into a deep, depressed hole that I'll never climb out of. But for some reason, after I let myself feel all the grief I need to feel, I will wake up one day cheerful and hopeful like you described, and I know I didn't really crumble. I let the emotions move through me, and then I crawl back out of the hole and go back to my daily life and I feel better because I know I am okay. And I know I can get through those bad spells if they come again, because I just did it and it made me stronger. It's like having faith that you will recover and feel normal again when you're sick.

I hope it's the same way for you. You've got lots of support here whenever you need it.

Without going into details, I can relate.

Writing has always been extremely cathartic for me. Sometimes you just need to sit down and let it all come out.

Hugs.

Oh, honey. I understand. I understand so much it hurts. I'm sending you huge, endless hugs. What they've done they've done for a lifetime. One release or a series of short releases for them completely destroys our lives. I've been thinking lately about my own issues and have noticed that I can't flirt. Not that I want to, but if I get a sign that someone might be interested or attracted, where any other girl would smile and toss her hair, I look away. Look down, avoid eye contact. Get away from me. Don't come any closer. It never goes away. Please don't question your sanity if you collapse. It's bigger than you, you know? It's bound to just hit you at times because that's your body trying to get rid of the "infection," as it were. (My dorky interest in medicine and anatomy leads me into making awful, medical-esque metaphors; sorry.) You will collapse. Try to think of it as a positive thing - you collapse because you're healing and you're healing because you're aware. You've admitted to yourself what happened and you're sorting it out. I cannot tell you how proud I am of you and how inspired I am by the fact that you're attending meetings. Perhaps I should do the same. It's always there. I'm so sorry, sunshine. Let me know if you want to talk.

Hugs.

Dear Jes,
I am so shocked to read your words, I don't even know where to begin. I had no idea that happened to you, and reading about it has made me cry. I can't believe the horrible sicko people out there! It makes me so mad that they can do that to someone. Even though you are an Internet friend, I just want you to know how sorry I am for you, and I wish I could be there to hug you and comfort you (even though I know you have Roger and real life friends to support you). You must be one very strong lady; I never would have guessed that this happened to you from your blog entries and tone of voice, etc. Even though something like a TV program triggered your emotions, you ARE strong. You have been able to share this with the Internet. You have found trust in some people (as evidenced in your husband). I am just so sorry for you... sorry that I am rambling here with my thoughts. What a terrible burden for you to have. Sheesh, I'm all upset now over this. I'm just so sorry, Jes. Those people will face their judgement one day, and I hope that there will be no mercy for them. Not that that helps you in the here & now. (I really hope I'm not sticking my foot in my mouth with anything I'm saying here.) I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and hoping you are happy. :) Feel free to email whenever. Take care, girl!
-Chiada

I am so sorry, Jes.

If you want to feel safer, you might try taking an Impact-style self defense course. In my classes, most of the students were survivors of something. There is a chance to tell your story, to bond with other women, and to kick some ass in a way that will unlock the power in your own body.

Here's a link - I don't know if they are in your area but they might be able to help you find a class. It is expensive, but it is the best, best thing I ever did in my whole life. It would be worth traveling for.

http://www.impactpersonalsafety.com/

Jes, I can't say much else than "I love you."

I love your strength

I love your honesty

I love your heart

I love you my friend and I am daily in awe of you

Jes, I hesitated to even comment, because nothing I can say can even begin to communicate what I'm feeling right now after reading this entry. You have touched me more than you ever realize and I hate the pain that comes to my mind when I read about this. I am terrified that I cannot protect my daughter from the evils of men, I will do my best to, but it's out of my control after a certain point. That is TERRIFYING.

I hope you reached a new level of recovery after writing this entry and know that it affects ALL your readers.

You deserve to be free of the pain and paranoia. That's my wish for you.

Yes, people just crumble. I'm sorry it happened to you.

Hey, new best friend. I was going to come over here and ask you were we're going to go on our first new best friends' date, but I'll save it for later.

Lia's right, though. Sometimes people do crumble. It's okay to do that. Completely okay. Good, sometimes, even.

Love you, friend.

Jes, you put it all into words very well. I'm so sorry that you were hurt. I hope that you can find peace.

Like poster #2, without going into details, I too can relate.

If you would ever like to chat, need an ear, you know where to find me.

((((hugs))))

Oh, Jes. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're feeling better today.

Thanks for sharing. Those were hard words to let out. I'm in women's support counseling right now and just today had to share my story with the group that I'm in. It's hard to bottle it up and it's hard to let it out. Again, thanks for sharing.

Jes,

I am sorry to read your story.

I am admire of your inner strength.

I am happy you have a lovely and adorable husband, who takes care of you.

Dear Jes,

I come over here from Chiadas' place from time to time. Hadn't caught up lately and I'm.... Stunned. Shocked, and also terribly sorry and deeply angry for you. No words can express what you (and so many others) have suffered through - but you've also come a long way from that place, as evidenced by this entry.

You deserve every feeling that you have - they are all the right ones for you. Do what feels right for you to make you feel better - meds, a self-defense class, group(s), ice cream, all of the above.

Take care girl, you've got some virtual friends here rooting for you!
Special Thanks to Roger for being a great (and clearly very supportive) guy.

Dear Jes,

I come over here from Chiadas' place from time to time. Hadn't caught up lately and I'm.... Stunned. Shocked, and also terribly sorry and deeply angry for you. No words can express what you (and so many others) have suffered through - but you've also come a long way from that place, as evidenced by this entry.

You deserve every feeling that you have - they are all the right ones for you. Do what feels right for you to make you feel better - meds, a self-defense class, group(s), ice cream, all of the above.

Take care girl, you've got some virtual friends here rooting for you!
Special Thanks to Roger for being a great (and clearly very supportive) guy.

:(

Oh sweetie.
Big hugs and love for you.
Nothing I can say will make it better, but I do know that every time we left stuff out we heal a little.

Thinking of you...

Oh, girl. This took courage. Bless you for doing what some of us can't seem to manage.

Ahhh, you know where I stand on this. Good job! It really takes a lot to make this one realization. So much more than a lot of people realize.

My heart, it is in my throat. Nothing profound to say. I'm here, listening. You are a brave and strong woman.

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Kudos to you for being able to express how you feel, but not let it wreck your whole week/month/year. Crumbling is ok...it's what happens next that's important. See how strong you are?

I really admire your strength. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I hope getting it out here helps you. Hugs!