Perhaps I Need A Butler, Afterall
April 03, 2007
I'll admit it: I'm a tub girl. I always have been, I probably always will be.
In the normal course of getting ready for the day, I don't bathe in the tub. I reserve the tub only for those special occasions – those days when I'm exhausted and needing desperately to rinse away the stress of the world. For me, a bathtub can do that. It's like an alternate universe.
My baths are very predictable, very orderly:
- I draw the hot water.
- I add half a bottle of bubbles, unless the bottle is small, in which case I add the entire bottle. (I'm serious about my play time.)
- I grab a good book and set it on the edge of the tub or a nearby stand.
- I arrange between 8-15 candles around the bathroom. (I'm serious about my lighting, too.)
- I get a glass of wine, or sometimes ice-cold water, or during the winter, perhaps a mug of hot chocolate (with plenty of marshmallows, naturally).
It's the cardinal rule that once I'm soaking and covered in bubbles, I don't get out of the tub and run, streaking, through the house. If I forget something that I want, like my phone or a certain magazine, it's not unusual to hear my voice rising above the background music in a lame attempt to summon my husband.
As soon as I lower myself into the tub, I have only one goal: to make the perfect bubble bikini. I'm not sure at what age I first started doing this, though I'd venture a guess that I was a pre-teen who was obsessed with hiding my developing body, if even from myself. Now I do it just for fun, sometimes wishing for colored bubbles – because wouldn't it be awesome to have a pink and white polka-dotted bubble bikini? – strategically arranging the heaps of suds and then calling for Roger to come admire my handiwork. I'm sure it all looks the same to him – how is this bikini any different than that bikini last month? – but to me, it's a tour de force.
When finished as a bikini designer, I grab my book, try to prop my elbows up on the tub walls, and attempt to read it without allowing the pages to dip into the bubbles, or worse, the water. (Which, if you've tried doing the same, you know is nearly impossible. Especially when you fill the tub that full with water. It's already sloshing over the sides and puddling on the tile below – how is it that I think I can avoid drenching my book in the very same water in which my body is pruning?)
I've laid in the tub imagining how to remedy this situation, whether I should just drive to Home Depot and purchase a board to lay across the tub walls in front of me (however ghetto that might appear), or if I could rig a shampoo caddy to fit my needs.
And y'all know what? A bathtub caddy already exists, and appears to have been made just for me. It has a candle holder and two wine glass holders, as well as a prop for a book, and I think this device is about fourteen levels of perfection, except that now I'm going to have to make up new excuses for summoning Roger.
Comments
Reading in the tub is truly an art. I keep one hand dry the entire time, and when I finally decide that I am tired, I put the book down and submerge the dry hand in the warm water at last. It's like getting baptized all over again.
Posted by: Spring | April 3, 2007 11:22 AM
Second comment in ten minutes, and I'm a random blogger, GOD I'm such a freak.
So I was reading your about page because that's what I like to do when I find a new blogger I enjoy. And I found that you're in Dallas! And I'm in Dallas! And we both live in Dallas! And we're both bloggers! And married! And maybe considering buying a house (where in the hell was that atrium house located?)!
Wanna be best friends? I'm a lot more normal than I sometimes come off on the internet. Perhaps.
Posted by: Spring | April 3, 2007 11:39 AM
I don't comment often, but if I did, I would say loose the bikini....That might get Roger in there?
Posted by: Judi | April 3, 2007 01:13 PM
How are you doing with Anna Karenina? I have begin it twice....would now have to pick it up and begin a third time if I so chose to try to tackle again....
You trudging through ok?
Posted by: Willow | April 3, 2007 01:19 PM
Great story. I love baths about 4 times a year myself when I'm at the end of my rope being stressed, sore, exhausted, or freezing cold. I do the same thing you do: candles, book/magazine, calling Hub-E for something, and lots of bubbles made into the bubble bathing suit. The only problem I have is that, since I am a "big girl" (I HATE that term), the bath tub has become a disappointing experience. At any time, there is one body part or more sticking out of the water getting cold. Usually it's in the chest region. We are remodelling our bathroom and Hub-E wants to just get rid of the tub and do a big tiled shower enclosure. He promises to replace the tub with a high quality redwood spa outside our bedroom. Hmm. I'll be lucky if I get the spa by the time I'm 40!
Posted by: Chiada | April 3, 2007 01:20 PM
SPRING: I rarely meet bloggers in Dallas, other than those whom I personally know. I think I can count on one hand the number of bloggers I know here. That said, we totally need to be BFF. Please don't tell my current BFF. And if my current BFF is reading this comment, I totally don't know what you're talking about.
JUDI: You're absolutely right! Heee.
WILLOW: I'm doing well with Anna Karenina - I'm only on Chapter 4, but think it's totally a page-turner so far.
CHIADA: OMG, I giant redwood spa is like sixty million times better than a bathtub. Except you can't have suds, and there may not be a caddy to fit across the opening. (So maybe only thirty million times better.) Let's hope you get it before you're forty! :)
Posted by: jes | April 3, 2007 01:29 PM
Hey my b-day is coming up and that looks like the perfect item to mark changing decades.
And I'm with you there on the amount of bubble bath used. They make that stuff wimpy just so we'll consume it all in one "lounging."
Posted by: Katie | April 3, 2007 02:32 PM
And hey I think I'm in the running for BFF or at least a very close second place and now you're just giving out BFF titles to anyone. Harumph. Spring sounds fun and all but really can she compete so early with some of us who have been in it for the long haul?
Posted by: Katie | April 3, 2007 02:35 PM
Katie: Your birthday? IS NOT COMING UP SOON. However, MY birthday IS coming up soon (or at least before YOUR birthday). (Hint, hint.)
Posted by: jes | April 3, 2007 02:37 PM
Hmmm ok you have me there, your birthday is before mine BUT you won't be changing decades quite yet.
Posted by: Katie | April 3, 2007 03:00 PM
Stumbled across your site today and love it. Just love it. I too love bubble baths and always enjoyed making a bubble beard. :)
Posted by: Molly | April 3, 2007 03:45 PM
Can I be your BFF if I come to the meatloaf thing? :)
Posted by: my life is brilliant | April 3, 2007 03:49 PM
MLIB: omg, I'm going to have to start making BFF applications. But tasting food I cook even before I've tasted it DEFINITELY puts you in the running! :)
Incidentally, please note that Roger and I are rescheduling the event because we're going to be going out of town! Watch your inbox for the announcement!
Posted by: jes | April 3, 2007 04:01 PM
That is GLORIOUS.
I think I hear angels singing.
Posted by: OMSH | April 3, 2007 04:08 PM
I. Need. That. Caddy. As for summoning Roger, well, you still have to show off your bikini, don't you? :)
Posted by: chickadee | April 3, 2007 04:24 PM
I don't want to be your BFF... cause I am a guy and you are married and you should be BFF with Roger and not me... so you don't have to send me an application... and that way, I don't have to taste your meatloaf...
Also, bubble baths and bathtub caddy's are a complete enigma to me... but Sydney would love it no doubt... I will need to consider getting one for her.
Posted by: ben | April 3, 2007 04:30 PM
BEN: Oh, do consider it for that ultra-hot wife of yours.
Posted by: jes | April 3, 2007 04:32 PM
Heh, I got it for my best friend for her birthday last year :)
Posted by: Meg | April 3, 2007 06:29 PM
I probably annoy the s/o more than I know - he's in charge of tub cleaning, and every so often after a good tub scrub I have to dirty it again with a bath. Love the caddy - I need that and a bathtub pillow to really complete life.
Posted by: dionna | April 3, 2007 07:01 PM
Hey there!!
Thanks for posting about us! Your bath write-up was awesome, and we're glad you've been checking out Delight.com
(we still have a couple bath caddys left btw)
http://www.delight.com/Bathtub-Caddy-with-Candle-Wine-Glass-Holders
xo
Posted by: Tracey | April 3, 2007 08:40 PM
I think the urge for the bubble bikini comes from all those movies where the gorgeous woman is in the tub and all perfectly covered in bubbles- Pretty Woman for example- and she looks hot but you cant actually see anything. I would need a bigger tub before I can get back into bubble baths- a regular tub just doesnt do it for me.
Posted by: Sara | April 4, 2007 10:16 AM
Presumably the second wine-glass holder is for your second round, not to invite someone into your tub. You don't sound like the tub sharing type to me (which is fine).
Secondly, you really have to have the right kind of tub. While not openly putting myself in the tub guy category, I have to lament the loss of my wonderfully deep claw-foot tub in that 100-year old flat I used to rent.
Hmm, didn't do so well avoiding the tub guy category, did I?
Posted by: mike | April 4, 2007 12:27 PM
How are you going to turn the pages without getting the book wet?
Posted by: Steff | April 4, 2007 01:46 PM
I used to live in an old Victorian with an old Victorian claw-footed tub. I took baths ALL THE TIME. Those were the days. Now I have a teeny tiny shower.
I took a bunch of books to trade at the used bookstore and the guy looked at the wavy pages and said sadly "I can't take these. These have been bathtubbed."
Posted by: Suebob | April 4, 2007 03:22 PM
Just thought I would drop by to say hello. Yes I live in Dallas and blog too. I love bubble baths too.
Posted by: Heather | April 4, 2007 05:44 PM
There is nothing I wish for more in the world than a bathtub in my own house that is clean enough for me to soak in. I clean that thing, but it is circa 1978 and I just don't trust it. Sigh.
Posted by: Emily | April 4, 2007 07:16 PM
A bubble bikini ... sometimes I wear one of those when I go to work. Especially on casual Friday. The good reverend and I love casual Fridays.
My wife takes a bath every night. It's how she relaxes. I really thought that our water bill would be huge, but it isn't. A bath adds like a penny a day to our water bill and my wife is warm and happy.
~Jef
Posted by: Edge | April 5, 2007 07:22 AM
I do the bubble bikini as well as the bubble beard!!
Posted by: amcati | April 5, 2007 05:22 PM
Oh my God, I LOVE this. Must buy now....
Posted by: metalia | April 5, 2007 06:58 PM
I need one of those! I take a bath about 4 times a year, normally when I'm sick, but occasionally when I'm stressed or just need a good soak. I close the door, light the candles, remember the phone. I think I'm getting relaxed just thinking about it.
Posted by: AmStaff Mom | April 9, 2007 09:42 AM