How To Make My Palms Sweat
April 05, 2007
This is the thing: over email, Schnozz has successfully managed to talk me into trying the DivaCup. I'm not sure how it happened, really, for I was staunchly against the whole idea. And then, suddenly, I caught myself thinking: "Hey. Maybe I'll try it after all." Considering how quickly I caved, something tells me I should never seek a profession in law. (Oh, wait.)
The DivaCup is sold at hippy-type stores, and not even the gourmet types like Whole Foods, where I can wander for hours, lightly caressing a package of smoked gouda or a double glouster and wishing I wasn't on a budget. No, the Cup is sold at the real hippy stores, the kind where they sell wheat hulls that you have to thresh and then grind yourself in order to bake a cake. And the cake? Usually isn't all that good. They're sold at that type of place.
If you remember my aversion to buying feminine products, that same discomfiture that forces me to purchase at least seventeen other items just for one 36-count box of tightly-packed cotton, you'll understand how I must be feeling about buying a DivaCup.
And if you don't, I'll remind you.
Jonniker was the first to introduce me to the DivaCup, which I've affectionately nicknamed The Liberty Bell. She recently wrote about it again, only to say that she actually tried and liked the thing.
It was at that point that I started imagining horrifying incidents involving the DivaCup and questioning whether it was more than my generation's next big marketing flop, like garlic-flavored cake or edible deodorant.
I hammered Schnozz with questions: How do you manage public restrooms? What happens when you lie down? Will it leak? Can you feel when it's full, or...ewwww...can you hear the liquid sloshing around? And maybe worse: what if my dog* found it and used it as a chew toy? What then?
I'm a little nervous about buying a DivaCup and trying it, and I know this because even thinking about it is making my heart flutter and my palms sweat, and wiping my hands on my slacks isn't really helping. I've tried drying them, tried on more than just my slacks. I've wiped them on my chair, on my cubicle wall, even washed and dried them in the bathroom. The sweat? Is still there. I don't think it's so much the trying-part that causes palpitations, because only I will know when I'm doing it.
But buying it? Possibly in front of other customers? But even from the cashier? Who will know what I'm going to go home and use it for? Especially if the cashier is a guy? Is giving me a coronary.
* Is a good thing I don't actually have a dog.
Comments
Wow, I'm totally out of the loop. I have never heard of a Diva Cup before. What's funny, though, is that when I was in the 4th grade, that's what I imagined women had to use when they were on their periods. That, or they had to sit on the toilet for seven days because, well, yeah.
Too much information?
Posted by: my life is brilliant | April 5, 2007 10:04 AM
OMG. I totally thought the same thing. I also used to always wonder what women did in medieval times. Did they do what the Jewish did and just send their women to caves once a month?
If we're really doing the TMI thing today, I can feel okay about telling y'all that I bypass the whole feminine products thing entirely by taking my monophasic birth control non-stop. No placebo pills, no periods, only a constant level of hormones ALL THE TIME. I'm much less crazy than I was before, and also much less complainy. Especially since I no longer have to spend an entire day once a month sitting under a heating pad.
I love you, Yasmin. You are my savior.
At any rate, good luck, new best friend.
Posted by: Spring | April 5, 2007 10:29 AM
I promise you, it's not as bad as you think. I'm telling you, I was STAUNCHLY AGAINST IT, and finally, talked myself into it. The thing with not having to deal with a period AT ALL, save for in the morning and evenings? It ROCKS. ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF.
Forget environmentalism and all that goody two-shoes stuff that I was all blah blah blah over. I do not ever, and I mean, ever, have to take a tampon anywhere with me again. Granted, it's only been once, but I really honest to God haven't had to change it in public.
And you can wear it as a prophylactic measure! As in, you might get your period today, but who knows when, oh holy shit, so put it in! And forget it! Who cares if you get your period? WHERE THE WHITE PANTS!
Posted by: jonniker | April 5, 2007 10:58 AM
Also, for the love of God, just order the thing online! ORDER IT ONLINE!
Posted by: jonniker | April 5, 2007 10:59 AM
Also, um, wear, not where, the white pants. Jesus, Jonna.
Posted by: jonniker | April 5, 2007 11:00 AM
Why oh why did I feel compelled to follow the link on the DivaCup (and hello that name just somehow wrong). Jes if by chance you do happen to purchase and try this product you don't have to share that with me. The last thing I need to be thinking about while sitting around a table playing Settler's with you is if your DivaCup might pop out and attack me bringing with it any of its contents.
Posted by: Katie | April 5, 2007 11:05 AM
Mail order ... at http://www.luckyvitamin.com/diva-international.html
or
http://www.betterlife.com/brand.asp?brand_id=660
~Jef
Posted by: Edge | April 5, 2007 11:45 AM
You are a brave one. NO WAY could I do it. I fear that it might be a touch too icky for me.
Posted by: Mo | April 5, 2007 11:50 AM
I was just thinking if you were in a hippy type store buying environmentally safe alternative protection for you know.. then you would be in a store where they would think you were ultra hip and all hippyish for buying them? No Sweat.
I think they also go by another name "Instead" and you can get them at walgreens....even online.
http://www.walgreens.com/store/product.jsp?CATID=100230&navAction=jump&navCount=0&id=prod16459
Posted by: Judi | April 5, 2007 11:53 AM
Judi, that Instead thing is a SHAM, a HORRIBLE SHAM and does not work. It's disposable, for one, and it leaks. LEEEEAAAAKS. And also, hurts. It's hard-edged and difficult to get in and out without spilling everywhere. The DivaCup/Keeper/Moon Cup is honestly a piece of cake, I swear to you.
Posted by: jonniker | April 5, 2007 12:01 PM
Instead. I love it. These names are PURE GENIUS.
Posted by: Spring | April 5, 2007 12:01 PM
Moon Cup? So worse than Diva Cup. And we're just gonna ignore the whole Keeper name. As if I ever want to "keep" anything associated with this topic.
Posted by: Katie | April 5, 2007 12:10 PM
I tried Instead once and it pretty much sucked. Like Jonniker said, it leeeeaked. I'm never using it again. Maybe I'll try the Diva Cup though. I hate having to deal with tampons and such. Because, here's a major TMI: what if you drink a lot of water and have to visit the bathroom like 6 times a day, which means you have to change the tampon at least 6 times a day, because, holy smokes if you don't the tampon string might act like a wick, wicking up you-know-what. EW!!!!
Posted by: Chiada | April 5, 2007 12:17 PM
God. Who the hell invented the female anatomy?
Oh, right.
Seriously, in you're on a monophasic bcp, try the no-placebo-pill thing. Soooo worth it.
Posted by: spring | April 5, 2007 12:21 PM
I've been wanting to get the Diva Cup myself. But we're trying to have a baby and since you have to have a different size after you have a baby, I don't feel like spending the money when (praying hard here!) I might get pregnant soon.
But believe me, I can't wait to get one. I'm so tired of tampons. And the money I waste buying those expensive things??? I definitely won't miss that!!
Posted by: jacks | April 5, 2007 12:31 PM
Your google ads are killing me today - only because they're all about sweat and sweating and sweaty parts and NOT the Diva Cup. What, google has no ads for the Diva Cup?
Posted by: rosie | April 5, 2007 12:47 PM
Can I just say you all are braver than I am, because uh, REUSEABLE? That's a selling point?
Hun, what are you doing?
Just washing my diva cup.
I think I just threw up a little.
Posted by: Aimee | April 5, 2007 12:56 PM
Seriously, between the three of you, I might have to get myself one. Y'all are jus so damn convincing.
Posted by: Heather B. | April 5, 2007 02:57 PM
I noticed that there aren't many guys chiming in on this discussion.
Thought I would be the first.
...cause I am not scared of your girly conversation...
Okay, maybe I am... I don't want that thing popping out when I finally get a chance to come down and play settlers with ya'll... the thought alone is scary.
Yikes.
and DivaCup? Does this insinuate that if you wear it, you instantly become a Diva?
Posted by: ben | April 5, 2007 03:11 PM
I think the two most embarrassing things to buy are anti-diarrhea medicine and condoms. Don't be embarrassed of a little diva cup!
Posted by: -R- | April 5, 2007 03:13 PM
I haven't tried the diva cup, but I can tell you I tried The Keeper and er ... well it didn't keep.
http://www.ohmystinkinheck.com/the-keeper-didnt-keep/
Posted by: OMSH | April 5, 2007 04:43 PM
I'm starting to feel grateful that my whole Diva Cup devirginization was so low-drama, because apparently everyone else suffers mental breakdowns over the mere concept. At the time, it seemed normal to just buy it and try it, but apparently everyone else worries about names (?!?), color choices, and sloshing. I think this may very well be the first time in my life that I haven't been the one who thinks too much, and it fills me with perverse pride. I was practically a GUY! I just bought it and used it and swaggered nonchalantly out of the bathroom, without wasting hours of my life agonizing a molehill into a mountain! I am the epitome of cool!
Well, as cool as the Patron Internet Saint of the Diva Cup can be. Which is to say, not very.
Also, I feel the need to point out that if they have the cleaning solution there, you should buy that too. Much as it irks you. You don't NEED that solution, but it makes life easier. (You can also buy it on the Internet.)
Posted by: Schnozz | April 6, 2007 11:18 AM
wait wait wait - you mean to tell me that you just stick this cup up inside you and let it collect.... stuff! How gross is washing it out at the end of the day!?!?!?!?
GAGAHHHAHG.
I am so not ready to be this hip yet.
Posted by: Courtney | April 17, 2007 11:17 AM