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It's (S)Not Funny (Okay, Yes, It Sort Of Is)

January 03, 2007

I have not told you yet that I am sick, mostly because it seemed like uninteresting news. Who wants to hear that every time I blow my nose, I could be an actress in a Mucinex commercial?

Or that this morning I was especially proud when I blew my nose and produced a wad about the size of my face? I nearly took it to show Roger, and then remembered that having mucus (ewww!) shoved in your face probably isn't the most thrilling way to be woken up in the morning. Romantic, aren't I?

My voice is hoarse, but not sexy hoarse. I know this because when I asked Roger whether I sound sexy, his reply could not be mistaken for anything other than a big, fat, sodden with disdain, NO. With as much love and tenderness as he could muster, which was a lot, the answer was still decidedly NO.

I've been hacking and coughing at work, but no one really cares that I’M DYING. I know this because the only questions asked of me are, "You're not contaminating those documents, are you?" and "Will you draft a letter to jackass competitor? They're infringing our patents again."

Today I was leaning over my manager's desk, discussing revisions to a contract (gah – sorry, my work is b-o-r-i-n-g) when all of a sudden, from out of NOWHERE, my nose leaked onto his desk. I couldn't prevent it. It just…happened.

Let me repeat that. My nose? IT GUSHED ONTO HIS DESK. And there was this gargantuan drip of my snot on his desk, dangerously close to his pristine crystal glass of iced water.

I stood there for a second, mortified, and then said, "Oh. Sick. … That's really gross. Hold on."

And I dashed out to grab a tissue and an alcohol wipe. Mere seconds later I was in his office again, armed with cleaning supplies, and he had already wiped my snot off his desk using anti-bacterial gel he had on-hand (for such emergencies, apparently).

Reminder: My face oozed onto my direct supervisor's desk. GAH.

And even though he had already cleaned it up, I double-wiped it with alcoholic wipes because (a) I'm anal, (b) they were already open, and (c) I cannot let these go to waste when my snot was frolicking around on my boss' desk!

I am so gross. SO GROSS. How do you possibly recover from that? My voice sounds like a man's, my cough sounds like I'm bringing forth the dead and I just saw goo fall from my face and collect on my director's desk.

I think it's time to go home, y'all.

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Comments

1

He or she went home and said, "Honey, remember that Chirky girl I told you about? You won't believe this!"

It's water under the bridge, but it does remind me of when Monica was sick and trying to seduce Chandler. She's all stuffy and he's just not into it.

I love the beginning of the semester. My wife gets that sexy husky voice. Mmm chills!

~Jef

( I can't sign this as McPervy because nothing was pervy in my response. )

2

I adore the artistic rendering.

3

Is it Josiah and I's Fault... It sounds like what we had... I am sooooo Sorry if it came from us.....

4

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH! You left him a Snot Pocket! That's so gross.

But it's why I love you.

*snort*

I mean, I'm sorry you're sick, Chirk. :(

5

That's pretty mortifying. From now on he might make you speak to him from his office doorway.

6

Aaaaaaah! I had a bad cold in late November and had a similar leakage problem - just spontaneously falling out onto my desk. But, LORDY, you win the contest for having it fall on your supervisor's desk. Love the picture, though.

Hope you feel better soon!

7

I think it could help you at promotion time. I mean, you handled it with aplomb. You didn't cry or die of humiliation. This shows that you have courage under snot and are quick to clean up messes!
(See? How I'm turning it into positive? Yes, I am good blogger friend, right?)

PS) Feel better soon, Jes!

8

Oh, my goodness, I am SO sorry. I can just picture his face. I would have been so mortified that I would have been tempted to just walk out and never come back. On the other hand, it's just one of those things, you know? I mean, it's (s)not like you did it on purpose. So he'll just have to not hold it against you. And I have to agree with MB that at least you handled yourself well!

9

Your nose leaked onto his desk? Oh no!

10

Sadly, this has happened to me before. It wasn't someone's desk, but I had a leakage onto a document I was showing to a senior associate. He immediately told me to go home and rest for a few days, and then I think he went and vomited in the bathroom for a while.

So. Embarrassing.

Feel better!

11

Oh, man...that is rough. My condolences. I'm reminded, though, of one time in sixth grade when of my classmates (who was the kind of kid these things ALWAYS happened to) was at the front of the class doing a math problem or something on the blackboard when a HUGE snot globule started falling out of his nose. He just stood there and watched it drop, while we all stared in horrified fascination. I mean that sucker just stretched and stretched and NEVER disconnected from his nose. Finally the teacher regained her senses and found a kleenex but for a while we were all convinced it was going to reach the floor like some little mucous stalactite. Poor guy.

12

Hahahaha - that is so funny. Of course, at the time it was probably not funny at all for you. For everyone else it's funny to laugh at others misfortunes, makes you feel better about yourself. (I think that's why that dreadful tv sow 'america's funniest home videos' is still on the air)

13

Oh jeez, that is so funny I think I snorted!

14

HAHA!!!

I love the picture, Jes! You're soooooo funny (even if you don't really mean to be). How DO you get yourself into these situations?

15

Eww. The picture really adds a lot. lol

Hope you get to feeling better soon -- for your sake AND for your boss's desk!

16

Yeah, I'd say it's time to go home. ;-)

We've been sick (hubby and I) a lot lately. It's so gross, and I just want to... I don't know... go live in Arizona in the desert and not let anyone withint 25 feet for sake of germies.

Who knows? Maybe it would help!

17

ok I think I would have dry heaved had it been me as the dripper or the drippee

18

Oh. My. Dear. Word.

My boss is a guy and if this happened we would all have the biggest laugh about it. There would be jokes for weeks later and I might even get a nickname like drippy or snotsalot or something. I would not really be mortified as I imagine you were because as guys we can do that. We can fart in front of each other, and sometimes ON each other and it is funny. We can pick a booger and if it is huge we can be 45 and it is still something you will want to show another dude because he too will think it is amazing and worth seeing.

I need to write another book called 101 reasons why it rocks to be a guy. I might have to start that blog today.

19

Oh no!! That is equal parts horrifying/hysterical...I do love your cute flats in the picture, though ;) Feel better!

20

Oh how painful for you - I know because one time I was talking to my boss (during a cold) and snot flew out of my nose onto the floor. I ignored it and kept talking, surreptitiously dabbing at the offending nostril to make sure nothing else was peeking out and slowly dying inside from embarrassment.

21

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

(and p.s. you look so svelt in your sketch - must be all that eliptical time at the gym!!)

22

Good Lord Jes! I am ILL.




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