Chirky

I was 25 when I had my first child and had been married for almost 3 years (together for 5). I had my second at 28.

My sister was 21 and was not yet married (they married when the kiddo was 11 months). My sister-in-law was 30 when she had her first (twins!), and she and my brother had been married for almost 2 years.

Honestly, I can't imagine having a kid any younger than I did, but I think it probably depends on each person. As far as how old is too old. . . again, I'd say that's dependent upon each person, but I certainly hope it's not early 30's -- I'm 31 and plan/hope to have another baby in a year or two.

Also: Did your sister have twins naturally, or because she took fertility meds?

I'm creeping up on 31 in about 35 days, and I don't have any yet, but I will soon. And I want more than one.

While I will appreciate the discussion that ensues, I really really really really feel strongly that there is no right answer, and no one, absolutely no one can tell you what's right for you, or even dare to offer their opinion on it.

You will soon? Meaning you're pregnant? Jonniker! I'm starting rumors about you on my site! (You don't mind, do you?)

I'm not necessarily asking for people to tell me when I should or shouldn't have children, because I know that is a very personal decision.

Rather, I'm curious at what ages others have given birth, after what age it is dangerous to give birth, and why people choose to have children at the age they did.

For example: I always imagined I'd have my first child before I turned 28. Obviously, that didn't happen. I've had to reconstruct my expectations, because Roger and I are thinking of putting children on hold for a while longer. I'm curious about other people's experiences with birth, expectations, ages, children, etc.

I believe that fertility may start decreasing around 35 and the risks of pregnancy increase at about the same time. But that doesn't mean that you should or shouldn't have kids after 35.

However, since I am making your life decisions, I have decided you should have your first kid at 30. It should be a girl. I will decide on a name later.

I am 27 with no kids. H's sister has 3 kids; the first was born when she was 23. H's brother has 3 kids; the first was born when he was about 21, I think. They start early in H's family!

I've been a silent reader for a while now, and I really enjoy your posts. Might I just offer my two cents. I think I am echoing the previous comments when I say only you can make this decision. Yes, the risks are greater the older you are. But tell me this, how is having a baby at 19, or 21, or 25 when you can't support it better than waiting until you are absolutely ready? I have two boys; I was 21 when I had my first and 22 when I had my second. (I didn't waste any time popping those babies out!) But there is really nothing I would have changed, if I had the choice. I'm so grateful I have my boys, and that hopefully I will live long enough to see grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Now that we're discussing the option of a third, (hopefully a girl!) we are trying to get in a better financial position (daycare can eat you alive!). But as I've been told by countless people, there's never really a "perfect" time. When God decides to bless you with a child, that's the perfect time.

You and Roger are definitely planning a lot of big things simultaneously right now. I say, move, then have kids - don't do both at the same time. How bizarre would that be?

Anywho, I'd like to have some of my own in the next 5 years and so I need to work on getting married S-O-O-N. Haha. Not really. that sounds desperate. I did ask a girl out last night though. Maybe she will be the one? God only knows, for now I am just going along for the ride. And speaking of God Jes, you need to be asking him all these questions, he is much more dependable and knowledgeable than the Internet.

Eddo: Be assured that we're both asking God.

And: you asked a girl out last night? Wheeeeeeeee! Now I'll need to invite you over for dinner so I can interrogate you about her. :)

I think it depends on when you're ready. I would hope at 28 you're mature enough to handle having a child. Sadly, there are probably some 28-year-olds who aren't, but I don't think you're one of them. :)

I would like to have a child by the time I'm 28.

My mom had me when she was my age. She got married a few months before she turned 20 and had me when she was 23. I turned out OK. My mom did too, eventually. (Not until I was in college)

I think after 35 is too old to give birth. Many people do give birth after that time, but I think a lot of times (but not in all cases) it would make the parents be too out-of-touch. I've seen some kids who have really old parents, and I feel kinda bad for them and wonder if they have as much fun.

At the same time, my high school boyfriend's mom had him and his twin brother when she was 30. She said it was the perfect age for her to have kids because she was ready and not as selfish as a lot of people in their early 20s are (and I don't think she meant "selfish" in a bad way, just that she was ready to give more time and focus more on others).

K's brother is 16 years older than him. His parents are the same age as my grandparents. He turned out perfect. :)

I guess it just depends on the parents.

Well, you really can't decide how old you'll be when you have kids cuz it can take months, years or a day!

I was 31 when I had Isabella. I had been married 6 months when I got pregnant, but we started trying right after we married. I'm 33 now. We weren't even trying and got lazy on New Year's Eve. Ta-Da! Welcome our one month old, Ava! :)

No matter how old or young you are, there are challenges and rewards. You're NEVER going to be financially ready or emotionally prepared. Just go for it when you are both willing to take the plunge and everything just falls into place!

Children are incredible beings who make you laugh, cry and fill you with such wonder and joy, you'll forever be changed for the better.

Okay, I'm sorry Jes, you must not have gotten the memo that states that my way is the only right way to do it.
Unfortunately it is too late for you to get pregnant at 21 before you are married. But don't feel bad. Not everybody can do things bass ackwards like me.
PS) For the record, I had my kids at 21 and 25 and I like it that way. I have friends that have had their kids when they were older, and they like it their way. It's six of one and half a dozen of the other if you ask me. Pros and cons galore. Swings and Roundabouts. You get the picture, right?

As you know, my son was born when I was 22. I turned 23 a few months later.
I do feel this was pretty young to have a child but also that it was exactly the right time for me.
I did not know or understand it then, but my son saved my life. He helped me see life bigger than my little world and helped me to see my purpose in life. Not that my only purpose is my son, but that without him, my purpose would still be shrouded by my selfish attitude towards life.
I was not in a place I was ready financially, emotionally or relationshiply, but God was there for me and so I was ready.
My son is wonderful and I would only change one thing, which I can not change and which would alter who both I and my son are so when it comes down to it, I would change nothing either.
It is a very personal choice and I know you will make the right one if you just listen to what you are telling yourself.

I always thought that I would get married right out of college, have my first baby at about 25, and the second at about 28.

Well, I got married at 25 (I turned 26 two days later!) and my husband and I are currently hoping and praying for baby #1. (I'm now 27) It's been about 6 months now with no luck. But I know that God has everything under control and I'm just blessed enough to be along for the ride!

So far not a whole lot in my life has gone the way I've planned it, but each time God had something so much bigger for me! I'm excited for you and Roger and the new and exciting opportunities you have before you!

I'm 26 and in a solid relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years, with whom I've been living for the past 2 years. Just in the last couple of years, I've started seriously yearning for children, so for me, anything younger than 24 would have definitely been too young. (I have held off because we're not married but I'd like to think we'll get married within the next 1-2 years.)

I've always dreamed of having my first child before I turn 30. And we probably will start trying in about 3 years, so if we're lucky and getting pregnant isn't difficult for us, then I'll probably have my first when I'm 29 or 30.

My mother had me (her first) when she was 33 and although I don't think that's too old, I always hoped I would be younger when I had my first because I wanted to be a bit closer in age to my kids. We want to have a small family, probably 2 children, so I hope both pregnancies will be finished by the time I'm 34 or 35.

I wonder what the record is for the oldest lady having a baby? Why don't you check on that and then have one a year after that. So you can be in the guiness book of world records... because if you can't do that... what's really the point of having a baby?

You could always do like I did and wait till you are 47 to adopt!

I'm 25, been married for a little over 3 years, and have started yearning for children. We have been trying on and off since March; on and off due to change in job situation, and by on all I really mean is using no precautions and seeing what happens. I am going back to my old job soon, where I will have benefits again, and will be able to get maternity leave. So, I am going to get prenatal vitamins, and start being in tune with my body, and doing the whole monthly ovulation thing, and hopefully we'll be successful in the next couple months!!!

My mom was 37 when she gave birth to me (I am the youngest of 7 kids), and we are very close. But, the older you are, the more risks there are.

I think 28 is a very nice age to start having children, but what do I know??

I'm not married and I don't have kids BUT I have numerous friends and family that have kids. The age ranges from 20-36! From that I'd say you're at a great age to have kids!

I'm here by way of the NaBloPoMo review done by Rashenbo.

I had my twins at the age of 23. They were natural (no history in my family) and were planned. I had been married for nearly 3 years when we began "not preventing". Unfortunately the man I was married to is not well-suited for fatherhood and is now an ex-husband and is not the man my boys know as "daddy" (the guy they do know as daddy is my boyfriend).

I got pregnant earlier this year quite unexpectedly and unfortunately, lost the baby. That experience made me realize how much I want another child in my family. I would love to get pregnant now, but my boyfriend is in the Navy and will be going out to sea next year, and I wouldn't want to plan for a child to be growing or born while daddy can't be there, so I will wait.

I wanted to have my first child by age 25 and so started trying a couple years before to allow for the possibility that conceiving might be difficult...it really wasn't for me, though, thankfully. I'm hoping that I am finished with pregnancy by the age of 30, but that is just a personal choice because I want to be able to enjoy my later years (and hopefully an early retirement).

No matter how ready you think you are for a family, you will always question if you really are ready once it happens. My only advice is not to stress too much about everything being "perfect" timing because chances are, the circumstances will never be absolutely perfect, and when the time comes that you feel you're ready, don't stress about conceiving because regardless, it will happen when it's meant to.

Current age: 35.
Current years of marriage: 5.5 (this time!).
Current number of pets: 1.
Current loads of laundry left to do at home: not sure how to quantify this - do you want daily totals? weekly? If I told you the truth, you'd never have kids!

DITTO TO EDDO.

I had my first when I was 31 (1 1/2 years after marriage). Second when I was 33. I always said, never after 35. I got a late start due to my multiple marriages. And I was WAY to immature to have kids before I was 30. Gawd, I shudder to think of it.

ooh ooh ooh!! It makes me so excited to think of following your pregnancy- through your terrific and hilarious writing- with you!!

As you know, I was 24 when I got pregnant and had Amelia. She was not planned (we'd been married 2 years) but man oh man what a wonderful journey it's been.

You'll just know when you start getting baby fever. I'll send you some cute baby stuff in the mail :)

Heeee. I have a SECRET. Stop talking about things related to my SECRET :)

(Current age: 28.
Current years of marriage: .95 (this time).
Current number of pets: 3.
Current loads of laundry left to do at home: 1 to wash and about 10 to put away.)

So here's the thing. I agree with Wordnerd's (doihavetocallitablog.blogspot.com) philosophy. There is never enough money for kids. And it is never the right time. You always have something else you could be doing or should have saved or?? Question is more like are you mature enough, and can you figure out a way to make this work. Do you want this. Because you could have had this happen already by accident and then be forced to answer these questions.

My mom was 34 when she had me and then she could never have any other ones. Ammar wants 4. I don't want to pop them out in a row and I don't want to be pregnant after 35. As you can see, this is not a possible scenario. Oh well.

My friends at the Vanderbilt Genetics Lab said that it's actually more difficult to become pregnant after 27, but 35 is the average for various defects and risks to increase. So there are stages. Of course these are merely averages. For some people, this will not be true.

HI -
Kids at 20. Too early. Pregnancy was a lot easier at 25. So, I say anytime. Do it before 30. Maybe 32. You gotta have a lot of energy to chase kids around.

I don't really have any advice on this one, but I will say that I am excited! that you two are in the planning stages. I love to live vicariously through my blog friends, and anyway, you will make a great momma. Hooray!

I've never contemplated the right time to have kids (I'm neutered and have four legs and a tail). But I do know that sometimes life has a way of doing its own thing. Yeah, there is planning involved, but only if Mother Nature is feeling cooperative.

On a more serious note, it sounds as if you are asking yourself a lot of important questions. You sound mature enough to be ready. Just remember that this is one of the events in life that has the potential to change everything...and I do mean everything. In echo of some previous posters, "Only you can know when you are really ready."

I too, am here by way of the NaBloPoMo review done Rashenbo.

First I should say to my life is brilliant, while appreciate your opinion, my 5 month old son doesn't need your sympathy.

You said:
"I think after 35 is too old to give birth. Many people do give birth after that time, but I think a lot of times (but not in all cases) it would make the parents be too out-of-touch. I've seen some kids who have really old parents, and I feel kinda bad for them and wonder if they have as much fun."

I say: um.. yeah, no (after getting up off the floor from laughing).

I'm sure I am the oldest first time Mother posting, but that's okay. I got married for the first time when I was 40 and I had my son 5 short months ago at the ripe old age of 42. I can tell you, for me, I wouldn't have done it any differently. I'm at a great place in my life, I am with a great supportive man and it works. I have a Masters Degree, a career and we have three houses, two dogs and two cats.

I invite you to stop by my blog and look around. I am so much more than my blog, but it will give you some indication of what I am like, plus there are some DAMN cute pictures of my son. You may change your mind about how old is too old… or you may not. Either way it's cool.

I'm no expert on determining when you should have a child, I can only say what worked for me. I wish you luck on your decision – it's a tough one and you really can't go back.

Sorry this is so long, I must be out of touch about how long comments should be… oh it's hell to be old. LOL

Gosh I can TOTALLY imagine you pregnant - you'll be SO freaking cute!
I was 24 when I had Dylan and I wouldn't change that - I do wish we had Thomas sooner but I was working a ton, and then once we decided, we had 13 months of fertility issues.
Just keep in mind, that despite your parents/teacher etc telling you "It only takes one time of unprotected sex to get pregnant!" that it takes the average couple 6-12 months to conceive. Just enjoy yourselves and relax. :D

Age when I gave Birth: 17

Age I was when I was actually ready/Stable/Metally capable to have a child: Hmmm, Haven't reached it yet.

Pets in home when child was born: 2 dogs, five cats.

Pets in home now: Three obnoxcious overweight cats and one dog.

Loads of laundry still to do at my house: Way Way WAY over 3.

You are never ready to have kids. But then you go and have them and the memories from before kids are all hazy and your like: Hmm, I used to go out on saturdays and stuff, didnt I? Oh never mind, baby crying.

;)

Sheryl, I hear ya! Parents can "get out of touch" by being any age. It is a mindset, not an age.

I don't think age determines whether you're ready or not. Someone already said, and I agree, that you're never really ready for anything major. But somehow, once it happens, most people manage. I think this is a great time for you to start a family!