Chirky's Fabricated List Of Cold Weather Demands
November 28, 2006
This weekend, the weather in Dallas is supposed to dip down to a nasty 26°. If only it were also supposed to rain, which would become snow, and if only it were to take place on a Tuesday, instead of a Friday, I'd be more thrilled. Because snow in Dallas means ice in Dallas means all the roads are shut down in Dallas means I don't have to go to work means I can sit at home in my pajamas all day along and watch TV. Or read books. Or play on the Interdweeb, catching up on all my regular reads and all my irregular reads and every other word ever written by a blogger, Amen.
A friend of mine emailed today to ask if Roger and I want to get together for games on Friday night, the very night of the alarmingly cold weather, and I had to admit to her – as if she didn't already know, because hello: we were twice roommates – that I'm a bit high maintenance when it comes to cold weather.
Seeing as how I'm high maintenance and will readily admit it, and seeing as how she just moved into a new home, I thought I should break it to her gently that if she can't meet my list of demands, perhaps we should just plan on getting together another time. Because cold weather and I? Don't mix.
Therefore, I present to you Chirky's Fabricated List Of Cold Weather Demands, which were emailed to my friend approximately five minutes ago [and recently edited by me]:
- a fireplace, preferably working, which is also burning wood in a very [white] hot [and burning, burning, burning down the house] fashion [except maybe not actually burning down the house, because that would force me outside, just the place I don't want to be, because again: cold]
- mugs upon mugs upon mugs of apple cider and hot cocoa, [the cocoa served] preferably with tiny little marshmallows, or, really, ANY SIZE marshmallows. I'm not complaining when it comes to marshmallow size [because I'm an equal-opportunity marshmallow consumer]
- uh, no c. that's it. just a woodburning fire and chocolate. gah. what more could a girl want?
And do you know what she responded to me? THAT SHE DOESN'T HAVE A FIREPLACE. Internets! No fireplace! My number one demand! And she expects me to brave the cold winds to go to her home! With exclamation points!
And while she did promise lots of cocoa, with extra marshmallows, I feel compelled to produce another list of demands. So: I put it to you, Internets. What should they be? Footed fleece pajamas for everyone to wear? Homemade squares of peppermint-swirled marshmallows? Faux fur earmuffs for our delicate orifices?
Comments
Make her come to your house!
Posted by: Steff | November 28, 2006 02:14 PM
Oooh la la, Steff. A good idea, indeed. BECAUSE I HAVE A FIREPLACE. AND LOTS OF WOOD STOCKPILED ON MY PORCH.
Alas, the real purpose of us getting together is not to play games, except, really, that IS sort of the true purpose. Instead, we're going to her house because she quite literally JUST MOVED, like two weeks ago or something, and we're all going over to ooooh and ahhhh over her new digs.
Without a fireplace.
Which I'll get around to overlooking sometime next summer.
Posted by: jes | November 28, 2006 02:19 PM
Jeesh, did you know that actually using a fire place sucks the heat right out of your home. Yup, the flume that is there for the smoke to rise into preventing you from choking on the black tar of burning processed wood, actually draws all the rest of the heat in the house out with it and up the chimney. SOOOO if you have a fireplace and use it then you are effectively guaranteering that the only warm place in the house will be right in front of the fire place.
Oh and weather.com says snow on Thursday not Friday, so Friday should be cool to cold without the icy stuff that makes all texas drivers turn into lunatics.
So come, I will have marshmallows and SOCKS, warm snuggly socks, and BLANKETS and Hot Cocoa, and a tree that is already decorated.
Posted by: Katie | November 28, 2006 02:50 PM
Ummm, HELLO, Katie. You can't go around making things up! OBVIOUSLY it doesn't matter if the fireplace sucks the warmth out of the rest of the house, because why would you want to be ANYWHERE other than where the fireplace is? Huh? Why?
Also, for that matter, God made fires, and therefore you have no argument. They are good.
And, ALSO, FURTHERMORE, snow? on Thursday? wheeeeee!
And, MOOOORRRRREEEEE: a tree that is already decorated? Sheesh. I always knew you were an over-achiever. Harumph.
Posted by: jes | November 28, 2006 02:54 PM
Have you already demanded that the hot chocolate have peppermint schnapps in it? Because that should be a definite requirement.
Also, she should probably drive in front of you, sprinkling road salt between your house and hers.
I should tell you some time about some of the the things I saw Texans do because of "cold" weather when I lived there. Texans are so funny.
Posted by: -R- | November 28, 2006 03:25 PM
Down-filled lap robes for everyone. Cashmere scarves. Cashmere gloves with no fingers so you can handle the game pieces or cards. Hot apple pie!
Posted by: Suebob | November 28, 2006 03:46 PM
Greek Gods to rub away the frost bite from your fingers and toes? Oh, wait, Roger is going, nevermind.
Fresh baked cookies (which you know she's good at!) after a nice warm lasagna dinner.
Posted by: Heather | November 28, 2006 06:31 PM
I have a fireplace but it's gas. I also mosaiced it with shells if you'd like a picture. Mmmm. Shells.
I've got Godiva hot chocolate.
You can come over...
Posted by: Julianna | November 28, 2006 09:23 PM
A bottle of Bailey's and a pair of slippers. Or even just the Bailey's.
Posted by: Marmite Breath | November 29, 2006 12:05 AM
Oh how I want a fireplace. And maybe a bearskin rug! LOL
Posted by: Ang | November 29, 2006 09:04 AM
We dont have a fireplace either- it makes me sad, I want a mantle to hang stockings from. Where are we supposed to hang our stockings?? from the fishtank??
I went to a 7-11 during an ice storm when I was in college, you know what everyone was buying? Beer and ice cream. Odd.
Posted by: Sara | November 29, 2006 09:09 AM
I can provide cookies, warm gooey fresh baked cookies with a tall cold glass of milk (thank you heather for that suggestion, that I can do)
Posted by: Katie | November 29, 2006 09:21 AM
I too live in the DFW area and we just stockpiled our firewood last weekend, we are ready for the cold weather!
Posted by: Steff | November 29, 2006 10:22 AM
Eeeeeeeeeee! A DFW-ian. I feel like I should bake you cookies, neighbor.
Posted by: jes | November 29, 2006 10:28 AM
This whole conversation just made my day. You guys are hysterical!
Posted by: deals | November 29, 2006 04:45 PM
P.S. I have a fireplace, but the previous owners decided to seal it because it leaked or something. Boo! Maybe I'll light candles and put them in the place where the fire should be? The effect won't be quite the same, but maybe it will be nice anyway (especially if said candles smell like cookies or something yummy and warm)?
Posted by: deals | November 29, 2006 04:48 PM
How about homemade chocolate chip cookies? That would get me.
By the way, Jes, I have a fireplace. AND hot chocolate with marshmallows. AND apple cider.
Except I'm not going to be home this weekend, or I'd totally invite you over to play games.
Posted by: my life is brilliant | November 29, 2006 08:54 PM
The fireplace doesn't do it for me. But the cocoa and cookies would. But the cookies have to have the chocolate chips still melted.
Posted by: Lia | November 30, 2006 10:29 AM