How to get me to sigh emphatically and give you The Look
September 26, 2006
I've taken up the habit of eating pistachios. I love cracking them open and popping them in my mouth.
Except, GAH. They don't just "crack open" like one would expect, particularly considering they're already pre-cracked for my convenience.
Recently I've found myself sitting at my desk, straining to get the nuts out, attempting to pry the shell open with my metal mail opener. The pistachio inevitably flies across my cubicle, which means seconds later I'm scouring the carpet looking for where it might have landed. AND WHEN I FIND IT, I STILL EAT IT.
How ghetto is that?
Dude. After all that hard work, I'm eating it just on principle. I worked for that sucker.
I just crawled out from under my desk (where my last pistachio landed) in time to see a coworker (male) walk into my cubicle, glance at the open shell on my desk and then say, "Everything okay with your nuts? I noticed you were struggling with them a bit."
Comments
Som many comments to make on so many levels. Why is he concerned with your "nuts". He's confused. I also think baseball would have helped you with the "stache" nut. You see, as men, we learn edible nut cracking from sunflower seeds. You crack them with the teeth and then you have the meat of the nut in the mouth.
Have ... to ... leave ... restraining .. more ... nut jokes.
~Jef
Posted by: Thunderfish | September 26, 2006 12:36 PM
Would this happen to be the same guy who told everyone the 'Jes is going tinkle right now' yesterday?
Posted by: Joe | September 26, 2006 12:51 PM
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
only you Jes, only YOU
Posted by: Katie | September 26, 2006 01:07 PM
Jef: The problem with cracking them open with my teeth is this: The shells are so haaarrrrdddd. I'm certain that the next time I attempt to do it, I'll break my teeth.
Joe: No, unfortunately, my office is filled with clueless
boysmen.Posted by: jes | September 26, 2006 01:09 PM
Jes. Queen of the Ghetto... This post was classic. Next thing you will be digging through trash cans... looking for some tasty morsel.
BTW... I eat stuff off my floor all the time.
Posted by: Ben | September 26, 2006 02:14 PM
I feel your pain Jes!!!!! They are HARD to open sometimes!!!!!
Posted by: eddo | September 26, 2006 02:42 PM
This is the same girl that ate crawdads from your yard, right? I'm catching a theme here.
Posted by: AmStaff Mom | September 26, 2006 02:44 PM
That is hilarious! I have somehow never tried to shell a pistachio. I have only encountered already-shelled pistachios.
Posted by: Tartine | September 26, 2006 02:58 PM
Pistachios are such a pain in the ass, but damn are the good. So salty!
Another hilarious story, Jes. You rule.
Posted by: Lawyerish | September 26, 2006 03:26 PM
You should ask him what kind of nuts he has.
Posted by: Suebob | September 26, 2006 03:44 PM
Sounds like my type - sassy.
Posted by: Lena | September 26, 2006 07:37 PM
I just snorted a little.
PS. I've totally eaten nuts off the floor. Totally acceptable.
Posted by: Jenny | September 27, 2006 05:38 AM
heheh oh that's bad
Posted by: Jayleigh | September 27, 2006 08:23 AM
Am I the only one who just passes to the next pistachio when one is too hard to open.
Watching your spouse trying to eat the pistachios when all the easy ones are out is pretty funny (the first time)
Posted by: DavidR | September 27, 2006 01:07 PM
Yummalicious - I love pistachios.
I bought a big bag from Costco yesterday thanks to you!
Posted by: Heidi | September 27, 2006 04:16 PM
Love that story. Love. It.
(Lived it too, but that's something completely different.)
Posted by: juliness | September 27, 2006 04:27 PM
Oh, Jes. You crack me up so (pun intented)... :P
Posted by: Deals | September 27, 2006 04:39 PM
That's hilarious! lol
I eat peanuts at my desk, too. I always manage to get peanut dust all over my black pants. It's awesome.
Posted by: my life is brilliant | September 27, 2006 11:06 PM