Wheel! Of! Fortune!
August 28, 2006
When I was little, I watched countless episodes of Wheel of Fortune with my grandma. She loved Wheel of Fortune (as I've discovered numerous elderly people do), crossword puzzles, and cooking.
Last night, Roger and I went to the last taping in Dallas of Wheel of Fortune – Family Week. I was given VIP tickets by a friend, which meant (a) we didn't have to stand in line with all the losers other folks waiting to get in, (b) we were ushered directly to our seats and (c) we had GREAT seats.
Before the gameshow started, the film crew used the arm-crane-extension-thing to float the cameras above the crowd and shoot us while we clapped and cheered and acted as though we were excited to be there. We all pretended that Vanna and Pat were coming out on stage while the crew forced us to clap and cheer and act enthusiastic for a full ten minutes. In case you've never clapped and cheered in a continuous pattern for ten minutes, I should tell you that it gets old after about twenty seconds.
And then they came out, and we cheered again, except not as loud (nor as long) because we were all worn out. Especially the elderly people.
I didn't have high expectations for Vanna White because I think her head is disarmingly large for her body. Apparently that's just how she appears on camera though, because in person? She is heavenly. And I want to wear all her clothes. Seriously. She's got some style!
Or, more accurately, all the designers who send her free clothes to wear? THEY have style. We weren't allowed to bring camera or cell phones into the studio, so I drew a picture of her wearing my favorite dress. (Vanna and Pat changed in the middle of the taping to make it seem like it was the next day. And the only good part about that? We didn't have to clap for an eternity when they came back on stage again.)
At one point an enormous camera was directly to the side of Roger and me, filming us clapping. Roger was great. And me? Gah. I was a moron. I started nervously laughing and looking at the camera only every so often, trying to pretend as though it wasn't there, one inch from my face. And then I would look away and continue pretending to clap, because by then my palms were sore and bruised and I could no longer press my palms together without a look of anguish coming across my face, and that look just wouldn’t be pretty for the camera.
After he stopped filming us, I got upset with myself because THAT WAS MY MOMENT TO BE DISCOVERED. Why didn’t I ham it up? Why didn't I flirt with the camera and blow it kisses? Why did I ignore it and pretend it wasn't there?
AM STUPID. THAT'S WHY.
I, however, was very pleased with my performance compared to the woman who was caught picking her nose, ON CAMERA. And after several seconds of digging, when she finally figured out that everyone was howling with laughter at her and watching in horror as she unknowingly humiliated herself, she blushed and hid her face.
Yes, sir. Here in Dallas we's got usself some fiiiinnnee folks.
I would do more than blush if I was caught on national TV picking my nose. I would call a plastic surgeon and schedule a facial reconstruction. No amount of hiding can redeem that act.
We'll be on the air November 16-17, 2006. Go get your grandma and watch for us. We'll be the ones in blue, ignoring the camera and pretending to clap.
Comments
jes, i'm suprised you didn't bumrush the stage and attempt to take over for vanna
Posted by: Katie, the original | August 28, 2006 04:44 PM
I considered it, but I had other things to fret over, like this giant zit on my face and whether it was caught on the camera, and if I looked fat or if I my shoulders were slumping too much.
Clearly, my mind was very busy during the taping.
Posted by: jes | August 28, 2006 04:50 PM
OK I am so jealous. I used to watch it when I was a kid with my Grandma.
-I adore that you put the exclamation points in the title!!!
- her head is disalarmingly large -- I always thought so too!
- I adore the pic you "drew"
Posted by: Jayleigh | August 28, 2006 07:04 PM
LOVE your artwork! :)
Posted by: Leah | August 28, 2006 07:55 PM
OH my gosh! I'm so jealous! I LOVE Wheel of Fortune! I'm totally made to go on that show -- I rock at it! *sigh* Someday ...
Posted by: my life is brilliant | August 28, 2006 11:30 PM
Oh yeah, and I totally want to take over Vanna's job. She has to retire sometime! That has to be the coolest. job. EVER!
Posted by: my life is brilliant | August 28, 2006 11:31 PM
So are you telling me that Pat and Vanna are lying to us? That they change clothes to trick us into thinking that it's a whole new day?
I don't even watch that show. Why do I feel so betrayed?
Posted by: Jenny | August 29, 2006 08:00 AM
Not a big Wheel of Fortune fan... but I too, spent most of the 80's watching this dumb show at about 5 pm in the evenings because it was that or watching the news... and I wasn't big on the news either.
"Bring, Bring, Bring, Bring" (I believe that is the sound that is played when a new puzzle comes up."
And then after the contestant says, "I'd like to buy a vowel" "An A please."
Then it goes, "Bing... Bing... Bing... Bing... "
And then lots of clapping...
Or another contestant will say, "Is there a D?"
"AAAAAnt."
Crowd, "OOOoooh"
Every night... it's the same thing. People still watch that show?
Posted by: Ben | August 29, 2006 08:54 AM
(I believe that is the sound that is played when a new puzzle comes up.")
Posted by: Ben | August 29, 2006 08:56 AM
I LOVE WHEEL OF FORTUNE. I'm dorky, remember? Also? I HATE PEOPLE WHO BUY VOWELS. I scream at them every time. Do they not understand it costs them MONEY? And they buy them when there are barely any letters on the board! It drives me crazy.
The one thing I do miss about the old WOF was when the contestants got to shop for their prizes from that gigantic rotating stage. Now THAT was classy.
Posted by: Emily | August 29, 2006 09:30 AM
Yeah I never needed my grandma to love that show! What can I say I was and still am a dork!
Posted by: ms thang | August 29, 2006 12:32 PM
How fun! VIP WOF tickets. Wahoo! Where did they tape it?
Remind us to look for you when those dates come around.
Posted by: AmStaff Mom | August 29, 2006 12:53 PM
I love that show. I haven't watched it much in the last few years but my friends have always told me I needed to go on it.
Vanna White is the smartest woman in the world. She gets paid millions of dollars to touch TV screens and wear pretty clothes. Pretty freakin' brilliant if you ask me.
Posted by: Heather | August 29, 2006 01:25 PM
WHY would you pick your nose in public in the first place??? She deserves what she gets for that one.
Also, Chirky's favorite fabric is burlap.
Posted by: Jurgen Nation | August 29, 2006 01:46 PM
That is so cool! How fun - and I would have freaked out because I am TERRIBLY uncomfortable on camera. Like, I feel like I'm gonna vomit. So, I would have been the one running to the bathroom the whole night. heh.
Posted by: Zoot | August 29, 2006 03:38 PM
So jealous! I used to love to watch that show with my maternal grandparents. My grandpa could look at a brand new puzzle and get it right in no time flat. I always thought he should go on the show and win me a car or a vacation or something.
Oh. Oh! OH! You know what you should do? You should STOP telling everyone that you were at the taping and just happen to be in a humongous group of Wheel-of-Fortune-watching people when the show finally airs in November. Then, get all the answers right after Vanna has only turned over, like, 1 letter or something ridiculous! Everyone will think you are oh-so brilliant (not that you aren't already or anything)!!
Posted by: Deals | August 29, 2006 03:56 PM
That sounds like a lot of fun. I think I got the Wheel of Fortune and the crosswords, but not the cooking. Shame - cooking's more useful.
That woman picking her nose on national television? Yeah, I think I just broke a whole bunch of embarrassing habits. Just in case I'm ever on national television.
Posted by: Lia | August 29, 2006 04:14 PM
"I would call a plastic surgeon and schedule a facial reconstruction"
I loved this line. So funny!
I hate crosswords too and I only like wheel of fortune when I get the words before the contestants. Were we separated at birth? We have a lot of likes and dislikes in common.
Posted by: eddo | August 30, 2006 12:20 PM
Interesting experience! Most of us don't know what it's like to be "behind the scenes" like that. :)
Posted by: Zandria | August 30, 2006 02:30 PM
Check your email... I just sent you one.
Do you ever just find yourself going to blogs for no reason at all? I bet I come to your site like 10 times a day. 10 TIMES! I am a bit OCD.
Posted by: eddo | August 30, 2006 08:34 PM
Oh. I have that stupid-camera-persona, too. Couldn't make it on reality TV because I would be all spazzy all the time.
I was in a taping of Conan and they did a skit right in front of me. It was hard to act "normal," so I look like a baffoon instead.
Posted by: Kari | September 1, 2006 02:45 PM
I want you to wear Vanna's clothes too... Because you'll be wearing nice clothes, and Vanna will be nekkid. Everyone benefits.
Rowr.
Posted by: jer | September 1, 2006 05:24 PM