Chirky

Raped truthfully? What the hell is that?!
She is too young and I'm disappointed. This is going to be talked about like crazy and the crazies will be the ones to come out and see it. Nothing is sacred and that sucks.

Also, I'm so sorry about your experience.

I'm sick to my stomach. I have a little girl...I could never watch a movie like that because I would always be thinking of her (let alone let her portray such a role!) I too wonder what the point of the movie is and if they show any of the consequences and implications.

When I was in college it was not uncommon for a woman to confide in me that she had been raped. I would guess 2 out of 3 told me. I later dated a woman who was raped. I almost married her. Unlike you, she did not seek help and I have wondered if her choices and actions caused her to make the decisions - poor ones - she made.

These are dark days when we let children become exploited for public profit.

~Jef

I'm disgusted that anyone would put their daughter in this role. I am absolutely appalled.

It takes a strong person to say what you did. It takes a stronger person to say it after living through it. I'm so sorry it happened to you, Jes.

I don't know much about the movie, but I know that personally, it would be too much for me to sit through - too horrifying a thought. I don't know if it is the kind of scene that would evoke empathy for rape victims or encourage action. I doubt that it would.

No way in hell would I let my daughter play a role like that. No way in hell would I watch a movie like that. It's wrong!

Kudos to you for seeking help through therapy and writing. What a horrible thing to have to live through.

Beautiful, wonderful, strong Jes, you have found your voice and it is worthy of hearing

I saw that blurb the other day and it sickened me, I would never subject my daughter to even a make-believe event that depicted rape, nor will I see a movie that includes that

Jes, I can relate somewhat. I was 16 and working late at night. I was also too embarrassed and scared to tell anyone what happened. I'm glad God brings healing!

And what has Hollywood come to? Are we tired of all the other sex scenes and violence and nudity? Do we need something new and fresh, that hasn't been worn out in movies yet? So, we turn to a 12 year old being raped? Disgusting.

I would NEVER encourage or allow my child daughter to play a role like that. And you are right, because of the media spin on it already, the sickos will be the first to flock to the theater.

There's a fine line of when to tell a story and when to refrain. What is the intent of this movie? Envoke anger? Understanding of what rape is really all about? Is it really necessary she be nude? At 12 yrs old?

I'm proud of you for finding your voice about such a horrible time in your life. Few really understand the impact rape has on a woman and her life thereafter.

The whole idea of a child being in a movie and being raped just disgusts me. I certainly won't be seeing the movie and I can't imagine someone with any standards would either. It's just not right. And her parents should be ashamed of themselves. Which is more important, their daughter's dignity or an Oscar?

I'm so sorry for what you've been through Jes. You're incredible for being strong enough to admit it openly here.

No. I can unequivocally say that I would not let my daughter be in that movie for ANY amount of money.

Thank you for sharing with you. You are a strong woman.

I am so sorry you had to experience such a terrible thing. Sadly, there are millions of women who experience the same as you - I am one.
I am glad you found healing and your voice. I never did and so many other many women suffer in silence, shame, guilt and anger for the rest of their lives.
I too agree 12 is far too young to play such a role, especially when it is sexualized and made to seem enticing rather than disgusting and criminal.
Hollywood and her mother should be terribly ashamed.

he came into my dorm room, had vaginal and anal sex with me, and left. i woke up puking, and pregnant, and had an abortion 4 weeks later.

i was 18.

he was a guy i knew, who i'd slept with before. and i was drunk, drunker than i'd ever been, or have been since.

but it was still rape.

it took a while for me to call it that, even to myself.

there are so many ways in which this story plays out, so many ways in which it can damage and strengthen a person.

it's hard for me to know what to say about this film - some of the most moving and changing films depict stories of horrifying pain and struggle - so i'm not sure it shouldn't be made.

and jodie foster and brooke sheilds both played sexually provocative roles when they were quite young, and i'm not sure they were traumatized by them in the ways you are concerned dakota might be.

but i do think that there are a lot of child actors who play parts that are hard to picture won't damage them.

horror movies, war movies, etc. i could go on and on with a list.

i don't know what my point is.
thank you for posting this.

When I was in college, I volunteered at a center that helped rape and domestic violence victims. I was the person who went to the hospital to just be with the victim during the whole process of police interviews and physical exams. "it happens to a lot of girls, it's not a big deal or something to get upset about." That comment by a "friend" makes me SO MAD. I can't even imagine someone thinking that, let alone saying it.

I am sorry and angry that this happened to you, but I am heartened and amazed by your strength and honesty in coping with it and sharing with us. Thank you.

I find the mere concept of this film and that scene disgusting. I cannot imagine that anyone would come up with such an exploitative story, let alone film it with a real, live CHILD. Because that is what she is: a child. She is not even a teenager, for God's sake.

I find it shocking that her mother would not just allow her to take the role but ENCOURAGE it. Like many stage parents, I think she is looking for the cash and fame that will come to her and her family. She is not thinking of her little girl, and her little girl's well-being. Millions of children and women endure abuse and rape; no child would choose that fate. And no child should be "encouraged" to "play" it, either.

I'm so sorry Jes. I know that you had hinted that "something" had happened in your past, but I didn't know the details.

You are strong in being able to share with us your story.

Actresses have regrets later of roles they have played in the past. Their adults making their own decisions and they regret it. Dakota is a fabulous actress, but she is still a child. Her mother should be the first one protecting her from the evil of this world. Sounds like she is one of the last. That is tragic.

I absolutely agree with you. To put a 12 year old child in that role is abhorrently exploitative. Thank you for kicking up a much-needed fuss.

Hi Jes. (I met you at BlogHer-am not sure if you remember; the last night, where we sat with LeahPeah and Amanda B.)

I wanted to first thank you for writing this, thank you for being brave and for being fearless when it comes to this topic. It isn't an easy one to address, for sure.

I haven't told anyone on my site (I, like you never felt the time/situation was yet right), but I was the victim of a sexual assault, as well. In college. By a "friend" of mine. And I felt the same as you did afterward. Ashamed, alone, dirty. Angry. Hopeless. I even had friends that said the exact! same thing yours did: that it happened to everyone, that it was "no big deal," that is what even somehow MY fault.

I don't know how I feel about the portrayal of rape on film. On one hand I feel it's important for people to know that it's wrong, to be disgusted by it. But on the other hand, it's incredibly hard (see: nearly impossible) for me to watch. I made the mistake of renting "De-Railed" with Jennifer Anniston and cried afterward.

But yes, I agree: 12 years old seems way too young for this sort role. And as her mother, I would think she would want to protect her daughter, not throw her into a role that would seemingly scar her permanently. I don't know enough about film-making to know if maybe they would take appropriate percautions to prevent her from being emotionally damaged at all, if that was even possible.

this makes me so sad and angry. i don't care if dakota WANTED to play the role. she is not old enough to know what kind of damage it could do to her soul and spirit and shame on her mom for letting and encouraging her to do it. no award is worth that.
your voice is beautiful and strong. thank you for finding it and sharing.
xo

Jes, thank you for finding your voice and using your courage. I don't know if we can say it enough - your "friend" was wrong when she said it was no big deal. She was probably trying to protect you by denying the pain, but that never works.

As far as a movie...Dakota is certainly too young to make these decisions for herself. I went through a very realistic self-defense class in my late 20s where they put you through rape scenarios - being thrown down, yelled at, awakening with someone on top of youo, etc., and while it was valuable work for me, it was the hardest 7 weeks of my life, dealing with the emotions those scenarios brought up - AND I WAS A MATURE ADULT, not a child.

I think perhaps her family's impulse is honorable - that a movie on the subject could be important, that it could help bring light to the subject - but I don't think they have any way of predicting the effect it will have on the child.

Thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes I forget that part of my story is a story of rape. My mother was raped and I am the product of that act.

It is sad that a child is being encouraged to act out a scene that is so hurtful and disturbing in the hopes of getting a little gold statue.

I applaud your courage to share your story. It must have been incredibly difficult for you to write those words. Perhaps some good will come out of it...

As for Dakota Fanning, I'm shocked, appalled and disgusted at the idea of her mother, the woman who is supposed to love and protect this girl until she's old enough to make her own decisions, would give her consent (I really hope she didn't push her towards the roll for a possible movie award) to have a 12 year old strip down and act out a rape scene in a movie.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I'd heard about this movie a few months ago and was disturbed to say the least. I think there are many other ways in which Hollywood could address and educate on the topic of RAPE. I assume that is not the intention with this movie. I deal with sexual violence everyday at work and to hear about a movie such as this, with a young girl nonetheless playing such a role makes me sick. Thank YOU for writing this blog, sharing your story and empowering others to write as well.

Thank you for sharing your story. It's such an honest and realistic depiction. I have a hard time watching any scene like that in any move, much less with a child. I almost threw up in CRASH just watching the cop fondle that woman...so there is no way that any part of me will want to see the DF film.

Thank you for sharing.

Jes,

I cried when I read that. I feel sad that that happened to you and your friend told you that it happened to everyone and not be upset. Some friend. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I am disgusted that Dakota's mother would let her do that movie because it is "Oscar worthy".

OK, I cried again. I never cry. But that really upset me sad that you had that happen to you and still have to deal with it.

Who is the actor that is willing to play the role of the rapist? There are lines that shouldnt be crossed, and this is definitely one of them.

I haven't heard of the Movie and I will never see it... but honestly, it doesn't surprise me that there is a movie like this. Hollywood continues to feel like it has to push the edge. Our society is sad in this respect.

Sorry you were raped. As a father, if this ever happens to Micker Mackers or Bug Bug... God help the man... Strong language I know... and after calming down from seeing red, I would re-act differently... but for someone to violate innocence is untolerable.

Thanks for being so transparent with your life.

You are so brave, and that was eloquently written for such a horrific story. I'm so sorry you went through that.

OMG that pisses me off. Why, why, why. (the movie).

I also had friends tell me not to make a big deal when I got raped... right at the time, and then years later. Everyone I knew was friends with this dude. It sucked.

I'm with you 100% on this one. I think it's revolting. I think that hollywood goes to far in its quest for ratings/reaction/recognition. There are plenty of ways to imply that something dreadful happened without portraying the actual scene.

I think that Fanning should not have done the role - I can't believe that participating in the filming didn't scar her. I think it's more horrific that her mother thought it was a great idea. Which is probably why Fanning was willing to do the scene in the first place. Is an Oscar worth the sacrifice of a part of herself?

I was sexually and emotionally abused by my maternal grandfather for many years. I, too, have been through therapy, been on meds, been through recovery - through hell and back - to recover. And I don't think I'll ever be "whole" or "healed."

I would not let my child be in such a film. I wouldn't let my child watch such a film. The innocense of childhood is so fleeting - why terminate it for superficialities?

I'm so very sorry you went through such a horrific experience... I am sure that through your courage other women will find the strength to not hide - to tell someone what happened, and to begin the healing process.

What a powerful and beautiful post. I'm furious at the person who would do that to you, and at your friend for suggesting that it's something you should just shrug off and get over, that it's no big deal. I can't pretend to know what it's like, since I haven't been through it, and it would do you and my friends and relatives who've been raped a huge disservice to assume I know what it's like.

And, no, I would not let my daughter play such an ugly, dirty role. She'll have other chances for Oscars if her career continues to go well. She shouldn't have to do this to get one. Of course, then someone else's daughter will end up playing the role instead, most likely. Either way, this is a movie I would never see.

The people developing the movie are probably thrilled at the outcry, because it provides that much more publicity. Sick.

What a strong and heartbreaking story you've shared. My heart just went out to you while reading this- I wished I could just wrap you in my arms and comfort you.

I heard of this movie and it made me feel physically ill. It is so disturbing on so many levels. I really hope she doesn't do this.

Jes: I am sooo proud of you for letting people who love you know for certain that this horendous event happened in your life. I have strongly suspected this occurred and can probably tell you exactly when it occurred because of the drastic, sudden change in your life. Having been through something similar as a pre-teen and teen, I understand the feelings. I'm proud that you have received help. I waited until I was much older to get help. Please know that I love you and hope that God sooths your pain.

The pain that you and many others like you endured should never be exploited or minimized. I am horrified that a mother would allow her young daughter be exposed to even a pretend rape seen. I pray that God protects that young girl.

Jes - What an incredibly traumatic story...and how brave of you to tell it. May your healing continue as you reflect on how many of us support you and respect your courage in sharing.

As to the movie, sexual violence for the sake of *entertainment* turns my stomach. I worked too many years in law enforcement to ever want to minimize that.

I cannot imagine what it must be like to have such a thing in your past. It was very brave of you to share your story on here, and the posts that follow of girls sharing their stories is amazing. I think it's wonderful that you and they can voice things like that on here.

I agree with you and pretty much everyone else on here that it's disgusting that Dakota's mother encouraged to play that role. I hope that it's like one of the optimistic posts suggested on here -- that they think it's a way to make people really think about it or to make people more aware. This whole thing reminds me of the movie Monster. I didn't know about the scene in it and was watching it alone. I couldn't finish the movie. I almost threw up.

I hope that you continue to heal, and I hope posting this made you feel better. Most of all, I hope you know without a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't your fault and that your friend was wrong.

Oh my goodness... sweetie. My blog time has been severly limited lately... and I just read this now.

I'm so glad you posted. I can't believe what happened to you. How terrible. How absolutely terrible. I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope, in some small way, that it's helps the healing process.

And I could not be more revolted about that Dakota playing that role. How absolutely horrible and SHAME on her mother for pushing her. Ick. I am totally grossed out now.

We are all here for you.

Big hugs.

I found your site via Zoot's place. I know you've gotten a lot of comments about this post already, but I'm always glad to see when someone opens up about something tough that has happened in their life, or something they're currently going through. It takes a lot of guts. I'm enjoying reading your posts. :)

I am deeply saddened that sweet Dakota is being subjected to such horrors at her age. There will be psychological damage done to her that she may or may not ever truly receive validation for. I don't think her mother is trying to harm her daughter, but it is happening nonetheless. Ignorance is not bliss in this situation. My prayer is that our society as a whole will wake up and stop being so naive about the dangerous impact that certain experiences and influences have on us as human beings.

I will keep you in prayer too...that is sad that we have people in our world who believe that sexual violation is an option at all. God bless you.