On Second Thought, Maybe Camping Wasn't The Best Way To Spend Our Anniversary (Part One)
May 30, 2006
When Roger and I do things, we do them big. Texas big. We may not love living here, but we're totally willing to abide by the cocky rules of the land.
So Memorial Day weekend, when we were [unaware that we were] speeding through the tiny town of Krebs, Oklahoma, it is only fitting that we would be pulled over. And be given a speeding ticket. By the chief of police. If that incident was to serve as any indication of what was ahead for us, perhaps we should have turned around and driven back to Dallas. Slowly.
The lady shuttling us from the trail-end to the trailhead informed us that we should have brought our cell phone after she dropped us off. When she learned that we left it in our car, we underwent a barrage of questions and comments from her: "Do you have insect repellent? Water? Flashlights and lanterns? A map? An air horn? Bear spray? You know, the bears have been really active so far this year."
We glanced nervously at eatch other as we doused ourselves in repellent and watched her drive away, leaving us with no other option than to head out on the trail. With no means of electronic communication. Within the hour, I realized I had forgotten to put gel inserts in the soles of my hiking boots. I paid for this dearly during the remainder of the trip. I kept asking Roger, "Do you think I could just put a wool sock down there as extra padding? What about a rock? If I find rocks that are smooth, they could serve as arch supports. Would that work?"
An hour afterward, my knees began to throb. Roger offered to take more of the weight from my backpack, but I was too prideful to take him up on his offer. "Must carry all weight by myself," I chanted quietly. "Must prove to Roger that I am tough." "Must not cry." By the end of the trip I did cry, though. And for good reason.
Frequently while we hiked, Roger would exclaim, "Wow. It's so pretty out here." Of course, his view was a lot better than mine, since I was focused on the ground, and on not tripping:
My feet and ankles and knees throbbed so badly that the sun was setting when we finally arrived at our first campsite - around 8 p.m. Thanks to me, that meant we had traveled only four miles since 2:00 that afternoon. By the time we ate dinner, it was dark outside - so dark that I wouldn't dare pee alone in the woods, fearing that a wild boar would ram my bare bottom and send me flying into the brush. After dinner, as we cleaned dishes near the tent, Roger suddenly shouted, "Holy shit!"
I jumped about six inches in the air and half-whispered, half-yelled, "What? What is it? What? What? Where? What is it? WHAT IS IT?" while frantically thrusting my head about, trying to peer into the darkness.
I heard the leaves rustling, and my eyes followed the path created by Roger's headlamp. Lying still as a hunter stalking its prey, I saw a copperhead snake. A TWO AND A HALF FOOT LONG, TWO-INCH-ROUND COPPERHEAD SNAKE.
Did you know they are poisonous? Because: they are. And it was a mere four feet from our tent. The place where, you know, we were sleeping. Near the snake. The snake that had the potential to kill us. I was certain we'd be dead by morning.
Day Two can be found here.
Comments
And that, my friends, is why Motel 6 is as "camping" as I get.
~Jef
Posted by: Thunderfish | May 30, 2006 10:20 AM
Jef: That isn't even half of it. Stay tuned tomorrow, when it gets even more gory.
WITH PICTURES.
Posted by: jes | May 30, 2006 10:27 AM
Ahahahaha, why does your view look so much like my view of the wilderness trip? Must look down, must see where feet are being planted, must also make sure that upon my collapse I will not hit head on rock so must be looking down at all times in case of sudden urge to throw myself on the ground while gasping for breath.
Posted by: Katie | May 30, 2006 11:20 AM
AND after reading aboot the snake I am now extremely glad I did not join you on this adventure, VERY GLAD, RELIEVED IN FACT, and now I am looking at the ground to make sure that there are no copperheads who have mysteriously made their way into my office
Posted by: Katie | May 30, 2006 11:21 AM
Jes, you are so cute! :)
Posted by: Courtney | May 30, 2006 11:25 AM
you are a wonderful storyteller... love it!
Posted by: Aimee | May 30, 2006 12:43 PM
There is such a thing as Bear Spray? Is a bear really going to turn and run if you spray something at them? Unless it's like, gasoline or something.
And when I saw that photo of the snake, I also yelled "Holy Expletive". AAHH!
Posted by: Elizabeth | May 30, 2006 12:44 PM
Yucky yuck yuck. Snakes scare me. Especially the ones that have the potential to kill human beings.
Posted by: Heidi | May 30, 2006 01:08 PM
Reason #437 NOT to go camping in Texas.
Posted by: heather | May 30, 2006 01:26 PM
I've hiked and camped one time. That's all I needed.
Posted by: Jenn | May 30, 2006 01:29 PM
Heather: It wasn't in Texas! It was on the OK/AR border.
If it were in Texas, I probably could have done it with more ease, because (sadly) there are no hills or mountains here!
Posted by: jes | May 30, 2006 01:42 PM
Now why would you let a bear get close enough to you to spray it? I would think keeping distance between you and bears would be more likely to keep you from being eaten by a one. I had no idea there was such a thing as bear spray.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 30, 2006 02:06 PM
Girl, you have great stories ... And speeding tickets are the sucks.
Posted by: anika | May 30, 2006 02:46 PM
A snake....and bears?!?!?! This is why I just dream about going camping and not actually go!!! That and I'm not one for bugs..or for foot pain! Glad to know that you are back and at least healthly enough to type! :)
Posted by: Melinda | May 30, 2006 04:24 PM
YUCK!!!!! I'm with Jef. Motel 6 or nuttin'!
Posted by: Jayleigh | May 30, 2006 07:05 PM
I was confused, because I thought you were heading west and I couldn't figure out how you managed to get to Oklahoma. But now I understand. You didn't head west after all!
Yea! More pictures to come! Thrilling stories!
Posted by: Amstaff Mom | May 30, 2006 07:17 PM
oh dear God. No camping for me. In Orlando, when a black snake crossed our path, the two of us were screaming like little girls, "SNAKE! SNAAAAKE! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"
I'm amazed you didn't get up and promptly stalk back to where you started and demand a hotel room. I would NOT have made it. No sir. NOT MADE IT.
You are brave.
Posted by: jonniker | May 30, 2006 10:23 PM
You are a much braver girl than me. There is NO WAY I would have agreed to that adventure, and as soon as the snake appeared, I would have been hauling butt out of those woods at lightning speed. Yikes!
Posted by: Mel | May 31, 2006 09:30 AM
I feel like something muct be wrong with me because instead of being worried that my best friend would be dead at the close of the story- I am more concerned with wanting to know how fast you were going when you got pulled over!
What was the posted speed and what were you clocked at?
Is that sad?
Sorry jes- but if it is ANY consolation- I know you aren't dead because you are posting!
Posted by: beyonka | May 31, 2006 12:31 PM
Poor Jes. What you SHOULD have done when you got pulled over in Krebs, Oklahoma, is gone to the Isle of Capris -- the greatest Italian restaurant you can find in Oklahoma (and I'm very tempted to say the South in general).
Krebs is a little Italian community (not far from where my mom lives, actually), and it's well known for it's fabulous restaurants. Even Jay Leno has eaten there!
If only you had known, your trip could have been saved. So close!
Posted by: my life is brilliant | May 31, 2006 12:58 PM
beyonka: we were clocked going 56 in a 45. We didn't KNOW it was 45 until we went over the hill (how convenient that the sign was posted over the hill, where you couldn't see it until it was too late).
Posted by: jes | May 31, 2006 01:10 PM
Hey, at least you weren't on a plane... with snakes...
Posted by: eddo | June 1, 2006 12:35 PM
EDDIE - Snakes on a plane - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Posted by: Katie | June 1, 2006 01:24 PM
Copperhead snake? Yikes! All we have is Gartner snakes up here. Non poisonous.
Reason number 4295 that I am not moving out of Minnesota.
Posted by: ben | June 2, 2006 09:28 AM