Top Eight Observations of Hatemail from Madison, Wisconsin
April 11, 2006
I have never aired my hatemail on this site before, though I get plenty of it. Primarily by the brain-washed viewers of THE ANDY MILONAKIS SHOW. Admittedly, I have a distaste for this show: I just think it's ignorant, and frankly, Andy's voice makes me want to climb walls and shoot the ammo from paintball guns into my ears.
Still, I generally keep my opinions to myself, and by "to myself" I mean that I have a blog in which I write about my distaste for Andy, but I haven't bothered to widely publish the site, and so it is sort of like keeping my opinions to myself.
Today I received a message from a darling 13-year-old named Elaina:
"wtf? ok. im 13-- and i have friends in high school-- like 15 and 16 year olds-- and i have older friends who are like in their 20's and my parents-- and grandparents actually-- all FREAKIN ADORE the show. its hilarious and its not f***ing ur lives up and telling you to be anorexic and cut your wrists like some shows-- so leave it the f*** alone. its better than any show you could ever f***in make. so go f*** urself and leave andy alone cuz hes the coolest 30-year-old EVER. so get a life and get off your fat ass and stop watching MTV if ya hate him so f***ing bad. derrrr. people like you piss me off.
sincerely- elaina"
1. She's 13. No offense against the young'uns, but the fact that she's 13 and wrote this comment to me made me giggle all the more.
2. Her 15 and 16-year old friends. Perhaps some would be feeling very threatened right now. I am not. Are you?
3. Her older friends, you know, in their 20s. And her parents. And grandparents. They love the Andy Milonakis show. What's more they adore it. Ummm...Okay.
4. Agreed: this show is not screwing up my life, or telling me to be anorexic, or telling me to cut my wrists. For which I am thankful. However, I must also state that even if a televised show DID tell me to be anorexic, I don't think I suddenly would be, or would even have the urge to become so. Nor would I cut my wrists if the TV told me to. More to the point, I don't know of a show that does such a thing. Anyone?
5. It's TOTALLY not better than any show I could ever make. The gall! Eddie has already stated that I should have my own reality show. And naturally, I agree. Therefore, I think that would be better than the Andy Milonakis show. If not, it would at least be better than Ashlee Simpson's reality show. But maybe not as good as Making the Band 3 with P Diddy. Whatever happened to those girls, anyway?
6. We are all entitled to our own opinions. If only I had your email address and could remind you of this email in seventeen years, when YOU are thirty. And then I believe you might re-think your position on this subject, once your maturity has caught up with you. Assuming that it does.
7. Yes, my ever-expanding arse is in need of a makeover, though I don't think that it will come at the expense of me not watching MTV. I am too involved in the drama of Laguna Beach and My Sweet Sixteen to ever give it up. Plus, Andy isn't even on MTV's main station anymore, so really, I don't think this should even apply to me. What was your point, again?
8. After writing an email full of explicit language, which I also find humorous coming from a 13-year-old, and which if she were saying this to me in person I would totally be staring at her with my arms folded across my chest and one eyebrow raised, the email ends so politely: Sincerely - Elaina.
Sincerely - Jes
Comments
Wait, seriously, he's 30? I thought he was like 15 or something.
Trying to think, 13, junior high, freshman year of high school, hormones, braces, boobs, cliques, betrayals, ugliness. Nope, still would not like Andy. Scott Baio on the other hand...
We need a Chachi loves Jes show. That I would watch!!
Posted by: heather | April 11, 2006 06:37 PM
Wow... sounds like you've got a fan in Wisconsin! ;)
I have never seen The Andy Milonakis Show -- not in its entirety, anyway. It's one of those shows that I watched for five minutes, decided my IQ had dropped in doing so and never watched again. Last week, though, my boyfriend and I were watching TV when that show was on. I thought he put it very well: "Who is this douche bag?"
And I totally agree with Heather -- I thought Andy was 15 or 16. Bet his parents are proud. But I'm sure Elaine could tell me ...
Posted by: my life is brilliant | April 11, 2006 10:04 PM
She's got WAY too much time on her hands.
Posted by: AmStaff Mom | April 12, 2006 07:45 AM
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
The fact that she took the time to email/comment just makes me laugh. Really, does she think that since she defended Andy he might let her be on his show and then she could become famous and then she would show you, you andy hater.
Posted by: Katie | April 12, 2006 08:35 AM
So, by insulting you, you're now somehow supposed to like the show?
I watched about two minutes of the show, just to see what the hoopla was all about. After figuring out it was two minutes of my life I couldn't get back, I developed a deep and pronounced loathing of the show. I'm not even sure I actually saw this Andy person at all. If he's supposed to be my age, 30, then I'm pretty sure I didn't see him on the show. I know I look young, but give me a frickin' break.
It's like watching commercials for cereal and soft-drinks. I think I've moved beyond the target audience. Sad, really.
Posted by: Chad | April 12, 2006 09:34 AM
Wait, he's 30???? Are you kidding me?
Do you this this girl is actually 13? No way! That is some 13 year old nerve!
Posted by: Aimee | April 12, 2006 12:07 PM
I looked it up 'cause that's what I do. He really is 30. According to imdb.com he "Suffers from a growth-hormone condition that gives him the appearance and voice of an adolescent when, in fact, he is a grown man."
So that explains his appearance but what explains his adolescent actions?
Posted by: heather | April 12, 2006 12:52 PM
I saw a commercial for the show once, that was enough.
Posted by: sara | April 12, 2006 02:44 PM
This is classic.
I love the fact that you responded the way you did... I would watch the Jes *whatever* show... you are way funnier than Andy.
You're naturally funny... he has script writers.
Posted by: ben | April 12, 2006 03:19 PM
I've been out of the office all day today (and I will be tomorrow, too) at a conference for work. You guys crack me up. Heather & Tempermental, my reaction was the same as yours: I feel like my IQ actually dropped in the five minutes I watched an episode of the show, and then I was angry that I had wasted five minutes of my life by listening to Andy scream.
And when I say, "scream," I am referring to the droning pre-pubescent voice that is not unlike nails on a chalkboard.
Also, Heather, you are correct: he has some sort of disease that prevents him from physically maturing. Apparently he did one of those video things and uploaded it to Google videos or whatever, and Jimmy Kimmel found it and thought it was hilarious and invited him on his show, and then Jimmy somehow got Andy a contract to do more stupid episodes on MTV. Or something like that.
I'm not sure if this is correct, but *i think* Andy was an accountant before he began bursting everyone's ear drums and causing their brain tissue to melt.
Posted by: jes | April 12, 2006 07:00 PM
hahahahahahahahaha! That is too funny.
I do wonder what it will take to get our own reality TV show. Perhaps we need to start videoing all of our blogger parties - just turn on the camera and forget that we are there.
i also don't know what that girl was thinking by trashing you like that- she's right - WTF?!?! Wash her mouth out with some soap and throw in some draino. She is a potty mouth. And she needs a REALITY CHECK something hardcore. I would have totally emailed her back with a video attached of me saying, "OH GIRL, OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!!"
Don't.Even.Get.Me.Started.
Posted by: eddo | April 12, 2006 07:28 PM
Elaina is going to be SO embarassed about this in two or three years.
Also, Laguna Beach and My Super Sweet Sixteen are both excellent, but PLEASE do not forget the brilliance that is 8th and Ocean.
Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | April 12, 2006 08:56 PM
I have never seen aforementioned Andy show, but that girl defends it like she knows him and loves him and is in love with him. It's a TV show! But I guess I would do the same for the Simpsons and they're yellow...
Posted by: Ferny Pants | April 13, 2006 11:36 AM
:( I've never even *heard* of the Andy Whatever-hi-last-name-is show. Am I that out of touch??
Posted by: Courtney | April 13, 2006 11:49 AM
man i watched that sweet 16 show last night for the first time and i actually have to say that it is the biggest pile of crap i have EVER seen. It made me sick. Some one needs to give those self-righteous little girls a reality check... literally made me sick
Posted by: steve | April 13, 2006 12:59 PM
That Sweet 16 show is hideous!!! I thought the people in Lake Ego were bad but those people are out of control.
"I am not going to the party if Shakira is not coming, you can just tell those 400 people to go home. It's my party and if I can't have exactly what I want, then I'm not having a party at all!" And who are these parents that spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on these parties?!?
Apparently I am getting way too old for MTV.
Posted by: heather | April 13, 2006 03:04 PM
don't worry. it will die down. people who came to my site searching for moshi moro used to send me hatemail that made this girl sound like cindy brady.
Posted by: jimmy | April 14, 2006 04:10 AM
I would say that I wish you had this girl's parent's e-mail or home address. Send it to them and see what they think of her language. Then when I really thought about it I decided that if her parents and grandparents actually like the show as well then it's a moot point. Her parents and grandparents are morons and it must be genetic. And you just can't mess with genetics.
Posted by: Molicious | April 14, 2006 03:34 PM