The transitional timing couldn't be worse.
April 10, 2006
Very hateful.
I have been on anti-depressants for a year now, the recommended length of time for recovery. I met with my psychiatrist last Thursday, and we decided I should cut my dosage in half this month and see how I do, and if I do fine, I should stop taking them all together. And so in evaluating my first day at a lower dosage, I have discovered the following:
- I cried every day at work last week. This week, it has already started again.
- I hate being so miserable with my job.
- I hate the expectations placed on me.
- I hate that I want to chunk paperclips at every person who even slows their pace as they walk past my Padded Walls.
- I hate being surrounded by mountains of paperwork and folders.
- I hate resting my temples between my fingers every three minutes for a miniature acupuncture session. Without the needles.
- I hate that my brain actually hurts, and I cannot explain that hurt other than to say I feel as though I have been working for six hundred twenty three hours and thirty one minutes to solve the conjecture that there exists a Hadamard matrix for every positive multiple of four.
Comments
jes I'm sorry, if I was in your neighborhood I would rush over with Ben and Jerry's Phish food and let you eat it as I karate chopped anyone who came close to your padded walls with anything other than more ice cream
Posted by: Katie | April 10, 2006 03:03 PM
ooh! Phish food. now i know what i'm eating for dinner tonight. :)
seriously. all this working? keeping me absent from exercising.
weight. gained.
contributing to miserable-ness.
full sentences and proper grammar impossible.
Posted by: jes | April 10, 2006 03:15 PM
WHOA. proper grammar impossible? This IS serious.
I'm sorry Jes. I'm sure it will get better. And soon.
Posted by: AmStaff Mom | April 10, 2006 03:30 PM
Sorry, Jes. Hopefully as your body adjusts to the difference in medication things will start to level out for you.
Have you thought about a different job? ('Cause that's what you need, the additional stress of looking for a job.)
Posted by: heather | April 10, 2006 03:59 PM
Sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. You know you can talk to me about it any time! Hang in there! :)
Posted by: Mel | April 10, 2006 07:26 PM
Just let it allllll out in your blog...
Posted by: Courtney | April 10, 2006 08:47 PM
Jes
I think depression runs in our family. I'm sorry to hear that you are having a tough time. If I was closer I would put big signs up that say "Do not disturb. Major project due in two weeks". There on my walls.
Posted by: Susan | April 11, 2006 11:13 AM
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. If it makes you feel any better, though, I clicked on your link for the Hadamard matrix, and I still have no clue what in the heck it is! At least you can feel smart! (Or I should feel really dumb. ...)
Posted by: my life is brilliant | April 11, 2006 02:43 PM
I say quit! There has to be a better job. Doesn't there?
Posted by: ben | April 11, 2006 04:08 PM
depression medication
Posted by: depression medication | February 28, 2007 06:35 PM