Chirky

Six years ago I spent a summer in Asia. One of my favorite memories from the time I spent there is of a conversation I had with a Chinese national, Pixie (my nickname for her). Pixie and I met after she bought a beancurd icecream. I was staring at her as she ate it, simply because I had never witnessed anyone eating frozen bean ice cream before, and she came up to me and asked, "Do you want to be my friend?" I marveled at her vulnerability and was flattered by her sincerity. I was so curious about her that I agreed, "Yeah! I'd love that!" And soon, I found myself meeting new nationals and asking them if they wanted to be my friend.

Summers were hot - really, really hot, and I don't think a day went by that I didn't wish I could strip and jump into the nearest water fountain, or lake, or puddle on the street - whichever was closest. And although I probably lost ten pounds by sweating alone, I still exercised. Many mornings my "exercise" consisted of meeting at the campus basketball court and humiliating myself among the locals who congregated to practice Tai Chi.

One afternoon Pixie and I were walking around our university's jogging track, discussing movies and watching men in three-piece suits running laps. She told me about a movie she watched with a girlfriend a few nights before, and asked if I had ever heard of it: The Quiet Sheep. She said it was a popular American movie, and I was surprised that I had never seen it or even heard of it. She went on to tell me how frightening the movie was, and as she continued chatting I realized she was talking about the movie The Silence of the Lambs. I started laughing and explained to her the inaccurate translation of the movie's title.

Asian countries have become well known for their funny translations of English phrases. I am convinced that translators do it on purpose. For example, when I was there I found a green mug with the Starbucks logo, except the "b" was replaced with an "f." In retrospect, I have NO IDEA why I didn't buy it on the spot. Many food packages, clothing, and way-finding signs boast flawed translations and have given birth to websites dedicated to finding such products. When I returned to Denton, TX from my study abroad, I found a website that quickly became a favorite during those frequent bouts of insomnia.

I recently received an email from my cousin, who works for an oil company in Houston. Part of her job involves reviewing documents that were originally written in Italian and then translated to English. Because she knows my love-hate relationship with grammar, she sent me this sentence from a recent document she was reading:

"The aim is to supply to the Procurement and Technical Dept. a tool providing in an easily and synthetically way the evaluation of performances of the Vendors and, at the same time, identify and keep under control Vendors with negative performances."

The editor in my wants to whip out my red pen and scribble all over that horrible sentence. But another part of me is in love with it, with the translation, with the person who thought that sentence was acceptable. And I think that part of me - that loving part - is why I so desperately want to move overseas again.