Simon: You have very, very challenged friends.
March 23, 2006
I am sleeping.
Noise.
Startled, I sit up in bed and try to assess the origin of the noise. I look at the clock. 3:45 a.m. Roger is sleeping. Noise continues. My brain, functioning slower than it did my drunken freshman year of college, realizes the noise is my cell phone, ringing, in the kitchen.
I stealthily leap out of bed, allowing the wall to break my fall. Jes: Careful not to wake Roger! Naturally, I ram into the doorway and then knock over most of the crud on the bar in an effort to find my cell phone and SHUT. IT. UP.
I don't recognize the number, and wonder whether it is a wrong number or if something terrible has happened and someone is calling me from a payphone at Baylor Hospital downtown. But then, I don't know many people without cell phones, so it probably wasn't a pay phone. But then, cell phones don't always work in the ICU, so maybe it was a pay phone. Or at least the nurse's station.
I half-whisper and half-demand, "Hello?"
"Is Simon there?"
"uuhhhh"
"Just...(sigh)...Let me talk to Simon."
"I think you have the wrong number."
"Simon's not there? Where is he?"
"No - there's no Simon here." Emphatically: "You. have. the. wrong. number."
"You sure?"
(pause) "Yeah."
"Well, do you know his number?"
"What?!? How would I know his number?" (And why am I still talking to this guy?)
"Well, lemme talk to Carol. I bet she'll know his number."
"Okay. YOU. HAVE. THE. WRONG. NUMBER. Goodbye." ... and I ended the call. So diplomatic. I want to download some sort of ringtone that sounds like I am slamming down the receiver. I can feel that satisfaction coursing through my veins like Dr Pepper through my nostrils.
Simon's friend called back. I was tempted to answer it again, just to remind him that IT IS STILL THE WRONG NUMBER. Instead, I let the call go to voice mail. This morning I listened to his message, the message in which he implored Simon to call him back.
I don't think he was drunk. I just think some people shouldn't be allowed to have cell phones. Or, vocal cords. Or, maybe some people just shouldn't be allowed the responsibility of having friends. Named Simon. Who have my cell phone number.
Comments
I've got one for you. About a year and a half ago a strange woman would call my house multiple times a day and ask for my husband. Turns out she had the wrong guy (same name, wrong guy) but she couldn't get it through her skull that she had the wrong number. I finally had to threaten to have her charged with stalking or something to get her to stop calling.
People are just weird, ya know?
Posted by: Molicious | March 23, 2006 11:49 AM
Jes, I really need to talk to Simon, PLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEEE tell him I called
Posted by: Katie | March 23, 2006 12:10 PM
Hmmm- wonder if it was someone looking for that nice looking guy named Simon who lives in another state and once had (maybe still has) the nickname "Skunk"...hmmm???
Posted by: you wish you knew who i was | March 23, 2006 12:22 PM
Wrong numbers are always fun. Idiots can be entertaining. There's a bright side, remember. It could have been someone just breathing at you.
Posted by: Lia | March 23, 2006 12:29 PM
Bianca:
Skunk? Why do I not remember that? Did you have a special nickname for him?
How darling!
Posted by: jes | March 23, 2006 12:43 PM
jes he had that puff of white hair in the front and really dark brown hair . . . . . skunk
Posted by: Katie | March 23, 2006 01:00 PM
Okay. Katie. I REMEMBER HIS BIRTHMARK.
I don't remember calling him Skunk.
Posted by: jes | March 23, 2006 01:12 PM
Hee Hee!!
I'm sorry, that sucks. But it's still really funny. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you. You're laughing, right?
Posted by: Courtney | March 23, 2006 01:21 PM
i never called him "skunk" but I did call him "nice looking" (tactful way of putting that Bonka), but I remember him saying he was called "skunk" as a kid
What ever happened to simon?
Posted by: Katie | March 23, 2006 01:24 PM
He's working as a youth pastor at a church somwhere in Northwest Arkansas.
Posted by: jes | March 23, 2006 01:26 PM
oh yes I knew this, in fact I think he works with my friend Brad
Posted by: Katie | March 23, 2006 01:36 PM
I am trying to think of something funny... but alas, my brain fails me... all I can think of is that electronic game with the red, yellow, blue and green lights that light up in a certain sequence that you have to copy.
Posted by: ben | March 23, 2006 01:46 PM
Ha Ha Ben!! Simon. I loved that game!
Why do people only call wrong numbers in the middle of the night? Are they too sleepy to remember the RIGHT number and therefore ruin a perfectly good night's slumber for someone else? hmph!
Posted by: AmStaff Mom | March 23, 2006 03:35 PM
oh well JCol there is always the fun "drunk dial" where people get the number right but the conversation OH SO WRONG
Posted by: Katie | March 23, 2006 04:06 PM
I say we include "a church somwhere in Northwest Arkansas" in our travel plans for our road trip...heee heeee
Posted by: b | March 23, 2006 04:16 PM
ROAD TRIP?
huh? wha? I wanna go, I'll bring road trip snacks
Posted by: Katie | March 23, 2006 04:36 PM
and B I am sensing a desire to see Mr. Skunk. Hmmmmmm?
Posted by: Katie | March 23, 2006 04:36 PM
Sorry- road trip is exclusive! No hurt feelings!
And all I am saying is a little stop in AR would be fun and Jessica could see her friend...and I could see him too! Ha Ha...really, though, I doubt we will be making that stop! And I am totally OK with that!
Posted by: b | March 23, 2006 05:20 PM