Saturday fun: If you have never lived in or visited DFW, this won't make any sense.
March 04, 2006
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAAA-LIS depending on whether you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules..."Hold on and pray."
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.
All directions start with, "Get on Belt-line", which has no beginning and no end.
The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10.
The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
We had sooo much fun with that we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators - and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.
All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period.
And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.
An abnormal number of roads all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections. For example, the roads that is MOSTLY known as Plano Road: On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands Drive. If you cross Northwest Highway it becomes Plano Road. Continue for about 8 miles and it briefly becomes Greenville Ave., then Avenue K, and then Highway 5. It ends in Sherman. Other roads that fall into this category, just as a sampling, are: Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15'th Street, amd Preston Road.
The North Dallas Toll-Way is our daily version of NASCAR.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman.
If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed... and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.
The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!
LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."
A trip across town East to West will take a minimum of four hours, although many North/South freeways have un-posted minimum speeds of 75.
It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.
Comments
Sounds like home.
Posted by: Buffy | March 4, 2006 05:27 PM
Brilliant post Jes, Brilliant. Oh, and I just finished watching Open Range - What A GREAT GREAT MOVIE!! Thanks for loaning it to me.
Posted by: eddo | March 4, 2006 08:43 PM
Haa Haa...that is funny! A little scary- but funny!
You truly have to live to to get it...and sadly (and I guess luckily!)- I've lived it!
Posted by: bianca | March 5, 2006 06:17 PM
Yup, that about sums it up alright. Especially the Gaston and Live Oak one. I used to be a nanny over there. It's called lock your doors and pray.
Posted by: AmStaff Mom | March 6, 2006 07:46 AM
The tollway is NASCAR and I get my weekly fix of driving it TWICE. WHEEEEE, and because I think it is so much fun I also risk my life on the George Bush tollway, two tollways, 85 minimum speed limit, really can it get any better.
Oh and a little aside, I pride myself on being able to cross all five lanes of traffic as I enter George Bush and move to the left (fast) lane.
Posted by: Katie | March 6, 2006 08:15 AM
So Katie it was YOU that cut me off in the fast lane!!!
I especially enjoyed the old lady mercedes (I came across one of those over by Christian&Jen's) and the Friday traffic starting Thursday morning...but when does it end???
Posted by: eric | March 6, 2006 08:26 AM
ah but eric, I can cross 5 lanes w/o cutting someone off, I may drive fast but I drive kind :)
Posted by: Katie | March 6, 2006 09:05 AM
I remember the first lesson in Drivers' Ed: Never mess with an NYC taxi driver. Seems like you don't even need the NYC in there. Or the taxi part. I'll try to keep off the roads.
Posted by: Lia | March 6, 2006 12:26 PM
Ain't livin' in Dallas fun, ya'll? lol
All of them are so true!
Posted by: Molicious | March 6, 2006 01:34 PM