Mom, that part about the sex and the aliens, I WAS TOTALLY JOKING. But not about the fire.
March 16, 2006
Roger and I had a three month engagement, during which we were both exhausted and wearing ourselves thin and wanted to die under a lot of pressure. I am quite confident that most people thought we were marrying because we were pregnant, and so Hurry! Before I Start To Show!
But I wasn't, and there was no reason that I should have been, unless God had decided that I was a Chosen One to bear Him a Son, but that had already been done, and let's not try to recreate what was already perfect. So, no, I was not pregnant. I just wanted to have sex! Wheeeee!!!
(Disclaimer: having sex is not the ONLY reason I wanted to get married. I also needed someone at my beck-and-call who could explain technical things to me, like whether there is a purpose in watching Aliens and Aliens 2, or the theory behind properly building a fire.)
Figuring out the design of our wedding didn't take much time, considering we were both as opinionated about our wedding as George Clooney is about politics. Except, we don't make foolish statements about the decline of any certain political party or about any certain politician. Unless we are talking about the Democratic Party, and then it is allowed.
Not so fussy! I didn't say you couldn't say whatever you want to about Republicans! I will just have my fingers in my ears, my eyes shut and my tongue sticking out, making noise so I can't hear you. My lack of maturity is like Fran Drescher's voice. It just drones on and on until you want to dig your fingernails into cinder blocks.
Although the overall design didn't take long, we spent countless hours with our florist, trying to figure out what we could do that looked cool and that was still within our budget. We were mostly concerned with floral wedding reception ideas, and finally decided to duplicate something I saw online, which turned out beautifully! (This picture is from our wedding, NOT from online. Isn't it pretty?)
And, incidentally, since we had 600+ tulips, many ended up back at our apartment, lovingly placed by friends and family in the bedrooms, bathrooms, living room and kitchen. It was such a delightful sight when we returned from our honeymoon! Except, the flowers had been sitting in vases in the heat of a Texas summer, in an apartment that didn't have the air on. And so they died rotted like the carcass of a skunk on the side of the highway.
When we first opened our door, the stench nearly knocked us off our balcony. I was certain that a rat had slipped into our apartment while we were gone and died a slow, miserable death. And then I saw the mucky water, and I think a sound escaped my mouth that was a combination of a gag and a garbled laugh.
I only had three bridesmaids, and none of them sound like Fran Drescher. I mean, does she really sound like that, or is she just faking it while filming? Anyway, I think that buying bridesmaid gifts can always be a bit intimidating, because you want to get something interesting and useful and not cheesy. We spent an afternoon (or was it morning? I was so deliriously happy that I could not tell) at a fabulous salon in Dallas where we were pampered and massaged and had pedicures and manicures, and it was so blissful that I considered never leaving. Plus, I gave each of my bridesmaids a knife! For the wedding!
Because who in the world CAN'T use a hot pink swiss army knife? They're so cute! And useful!
Comments
Nice job Jes. Flows seemlessly around those links.
And I am gagging just thinking about the stench of all those rotting tulips!!!
Posted by: heather | March 16, 2006 01:18 PM
I mean REALLY the first two paragraphs did you have to go there, oh yes of course you did you are Jes and well what else should I expect from you, ok now I will return to the story
Posted by: Katie | March 16, 2006 01:40 PM
and I'm back, Jes I will say that the abundance of tulips at your reception was beautiful, I remember specifically LOVING the set up of your reception and the flowers and marveling with my tablemates about how pretty they were and if it was in fact possible for me to sneak out a vase under my summer weight cardigan (don't worry I didn't try, although now after reading this post maybe I should have), and for some reason I remember you talking about hot pink swiss army knives and now that I think about it I want one, because you can be Macgyverish and yet still feminine with a hot pink swiss army knife
Oh and was I supposed to click on those links up there in the story? I heard no snapping and since you know I like to follow rules, and you so plainly stated that I was only to click on links where there is a snap I am waiting for the snap
P.S. I think a week of Spring Break has pretty much pushed me over the edge and has resulted in me speaking nonsense for the most part
Posted by: Katie | March 16, 2006 01:47 PM
OMW - that post was a riot. Everytime I saw a celebrity name a cash register noise went off in my head.
Which, I click on your ads so that you can be rich and make me some more meatballs!!! SO YUMMY!
Posted by: eddo | March 16, 2006 03:38 PM
I LOVE tulips, and so I think your floral arrangements were AMAZING. As was your post. Classic Jes form it was.
Posted by: AmStaff Mom | March 20, 2006 08:01 AM