Chirky

I don't recall doing it, but I know it must have happened. I bit the inside of my cheek. And now it is swollen. And every time I talk, I bite it more. I can't stop. And I can't keep my tongue off of it. It's like a nervous tick.

I've tried eating ice cubes to help the swelling, but the ice cubes are just too cold. I've tried putting a pen between my teeth to keep me from biting down, but then I'm just biting a pen and my mouth gets sore from being lodged open. I've tried puffing my cheeks out, but then I just look like a chipmunk and my cheeks get sore from being puffed out for too long. I've tried clenching my teeth together, but WHAT HUMAN CAN SIT FOR LONGER THAN 15 SECONDS WITH HIS (or her) TEETH CLENCHED TIGHTLY TOGETHER AND WITHOUT HIS (or her) MOUTH HURTING FROM THE CLENCHING? Are we noticing a theme here? The soreness? The soreness that leads to headaches? Huh? Tell me! YOU try it.

This morning I googled "biting swollen cheek." And the first return was a related article entitled, "Symptoms of the Silent Killer Diseases." MY SWOLLEN CHEEK IS KILLING ME.

I decided to get a second opinion, so I searched again. I googled "swollen interior cheek." And then, HA! All I will say is: There is a lot of information about Kama Sutra on the internet.

And, GROSS! Did you know it is possible to get pimples on your tongue? Your tongue! How do you get rid of them? Can you squeeze them? Do you wash them with a special edible soap? Do you have to go to a dermatologist? A dentist? An oral surgeon?

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Edited 9:30 a.m.
Clarification: I, personally, do not have a pimple on my tongue. It is something I read on the Internet during my attempts to research why I keep biting my cheek when I talk. And chew.