I'd rather take the $107.15.
December 16, 2005
Out of my peripheral vision I could see the CEO standing in the entrance to my cubicle. I didn't acknowledge him and pretended he wasn't there because, technically, I hadn't turned around and looked at him and he hadn't said anything to announce himself.
THUD.
"Merry Christmas."
I turned my head and looked at the big box that now balanced on the corner of my desk.
"It's a turkey."
"Oh. Great. Thanks."
"This is a turkey from a place that is famous for their turkeys. You'll really like it."
"Oh. Okay. Great."
I inspected the box. It was a 10.7 pound turkey. "Refrigerate immediately" was printed in large letters on the box, and being the obedient human that I am, I checked the refrigerator. It was only 2:00 in the afternoon. The refrigerator was full with other boxed turkeys. So I left it sitting on my desk. All afternoon. And when I got home, there were still ice crystals on it from being shipped.
A $45 turkey? That's stupid. I'd rather buy a new pair of shoes for that than a turkey. Or a sweater. Or get a massage. Or buy that decorative pillow for my couch that I've been eyeing.
In other divisions we had Christmas parties, as well. Apparently the entire corporation subscribes to the "No bonuses" policy. At one party, we each received an ornament. From Hobby Lobby. At another party, we each received another ornament. It was the 2005 Limited Edition Swarovski Crystal star ornament, which is actually very pretty. The ornament was more expensive than the turkey. At this point, I'm rolling my eyes. WHO ARE THE EXECUTIVES OF THIS COMPANY??
The multi-billion dollar company I work for spent over a hundred dollars buying each employee two ornaments and a turkey. Something seems very wrong, and yet ironic, about that.
I realize how petty and ungrateful this must sound. I'm sure the turkey will be very tasty. And the ornaments are pretty, and most importantly, they are sparkly. But I, for one, would rather just receive the cost of those items as a bonus and decide for myself whether I want to spend it on two ornaments. And a turkey.
Go ahead, you who will inevitably send hatemail. Tell me how selfish I am, tell me that there are starving children in Ethiopia or people who don't even have a tree to hold such ornaments. Remind me of those whose lives were ruined by Hurricane Katrina. Tell me to sell it on eBay and - Oooh!! Sell it on eBay!!
Comments
COMMENTS TO ORIGINAL POSTING:
December 16, 2005 11:48 AM, Katie said...
is there anyway to trade in the turkey and ornaments for an office? maybe I can email your CEO and make that request, I'll even throw in a few ornaments of my own
December 16, 2005 11:57 AM, Katie said...
another question just popped into my head (I almost typed "pooped into my head" - glad I caught it cause I know I would have gotten all kinds of grief on that one)
What is a place that is famous for their turkeys? How is that different from a place that isn't famous for their turkeys? How do you get famous for your turkeys? Are they good famous or bad famous, for instance a place that spread salmonella by turkey to over a thousand people would be pretty famous but not good famous.
Yep, I'm ready for the weekend.
December 16, 2005 12:01 PM, jes said...
oh heavens, katie! what a great idea!
i would gladly trade in the turkey and the two ornaments to be put back in an office.
At December 16, 2005 12:02 PM, jes said...
It is a place in Tyler, Texas called Greenburg Turkeys. Or something like that.
www.gobblegobble.com
Not that I want to be advertising for them, because, HELLO! Expensive turkeys! That my employer thought I would prefer OVER a bonus.
Bwarphuggrrgll.
At December 16, 2005 12:28 PM, Stephanie said...
Bwarphuggrrgll.
What. What's that?!
lol
I'm with ya'. Bonus over turkey: any holiday of the year!
December 16, 2005 12:29 PM, Ben said...
There is something ironic about a big turkey giving you a big turkey.
No hate mail from me...
Although I work for the state so I don't get bonuses... although the vacation is worth its weight in gold.
December 16, 2005 1:42 PM, Melissa said...
What if you were allergic to turkey or didn't like it or planned on having ham for Christmas? Or what if you were traveling out of town for the holidays? That's not very cool for them to pick like that. They could have given you a 100 dollar Visa card to use at your own discretion instead. Then it wouldn't be a "bonus check" but a gift since that seems to be their problem. ;)
December 16, 2005 1:56 PM, girl from florida said...
What if you were a vegetarian? Jeez!
My boss made us Peanut Brittle last year. And my husband, proud to serve the United States every freaking day, got a 15 minute phone card as his holiday bonus. Thanks Uncle Sam.
December 16, 2005 2:00 PM, Amanda said...
Being that I live in the Tyler area, I thought I'd fuel the fire of your aggravation a tad more by mentioning that I, nor anyone I work with, has EVER heard of Greenburg Turkeys. I think your boss made it up. I say knock him out with the turkey and take whatever cash he has in his pockets. Yeah. Oh, and Merry Christmas! :)
December 16, 2005 2:25 PM, Katie said...
Ok Amanda's suggestion about knocking out your boss with the frozen turkey made me laugh OUT LOUD
December 16, 2005 4:13 PM, Jenn said...
How about you donate it all? I'd suggest re-gifting, but the turkey may actually defrost by next Christmas.
December 16, 2005 9:59 PM, Anonymous Shannon said...
I'm in south Texas. I've heard of, prepared and eaten several Greenberg turkeys. They're really good!
As far as not wanting the ornament or the turkey, I certainly understand that. The money, even if it was just $5 would be better in cash than a trinket or poultry.
For the guy who lives in Tyler and doesn't know where the company is... Here's the address:
221 McMurrey Dr. P.O. Box 4818 Tyler, Texas 75712
December 17, 2005 11:10 PM, Kristine said...
I'm with you - I'd much rather want a cash bonus, too. But I want to see a picture of that ornament!
December 19, 2005 11:05 AM, Lia said...
How about vegetarian employees who don't celebrate Christmas and thus have no use for either the turkey or the ornaments?
Give me the money!
December 19, 2005 2:20 PM, Eddo said...
Ha Ha! Too funny Jes.
One year at Custom Food Group where I worked 4 years ago, my boss gave me a gift card and said with all sincerity, "This is for all your hard word, we just wanted to say Merry Christmas."
I pulled out the card and it was for 10 bucks! 10 Bucks?!?!?! To Kroger? You HAVE.GOT.TO.BE.KIDDING.ME!!
So I went to my co-workers and asked if they got the same thing, and they said yes, they handed them out the day before when I was off of work. Everyone got 10 bucks.
Most people would say, "Better than nothing" - but not me, I would have preferred nothing than a slap in the face with such cheapness. If you can't do more than 10 bucks, just do a nice Christmas card, or nothing at all.
December 20, 2005 8:46 AM, MOM said...
J-e-s-s-i-c-aaaaaaaaaa. This is your MOTHER. You've obviously had too many choices in your life that you would be ungrateful for ANYTHING (emphasis). Greenburg turkeys and hams are wonderful. By the way, you'll be eating one of those wonderful hams on Christmas Day. A bonus.
December 20, 2005 8:56 AM, jes said...
Oh, MOM. whatEVER. I never said I was ungrateful. I just said I would have rather had the COST of the gifts instead of the actual gift. That said, perhaps we will have ham AND turkey on Christmas day. Take THAT! Ha!
(This outburst is evidence of my maturity.)
Posted by: jes | April 27, 2006 03:08 PM
Whoo!! Smackdown on Jes from her Momma!
Okay, you know my Mom would be saying the same thing, but I think it's a generational thing. I mean, my parents would rather DIE ON THE GROUND than be ungrateful for something, and I think that we as a generation have less of a problem saying, "You know what? I think I would have rather had the cash." Because it's honest.
And frankly, if I was a vegetarian Jew, I would be so pissed right now.
Posted by: Marmite Breath | December 15, 2006 02:28 PM