I believe this is politcally incorrect. Or, maybe it just violates certain privacy laws. Really, I do not know.
November 10, 2005
I've been emailing my friend Nicolle about certain things I think she should do while working for a certain airline that is headquartered in the general region of Dallas/Fort Worth. I'm not naming any airline names, though. You'll just have to figure it out for yourself.
For example, I think she should somehow rig all of their contests so that I will win. Doesn't that seem logical? Doesn't that seem like something she should do for me? I mean, HELLO! After all, it is ME that we're talking about. And SHE can't win because she works for This Certain Airline, so WHY NOT ME??
She politely declined, stating that my luck with the contests was unfortunate and that she wouldn't rig any such contests. She also told me that she can't just go to the Advertising VP of This Certain Airline and demand the winnings to be directed to me.
I agreed. But, wait! There's more! I told her that instead of going to the Advertising VP, why not just go to the top? I WANT HER TALKING TO THE CEO of This Certain Airline. I did a bit of research about the executives of This Certain Airline, and lo! The CEO! He is such a friendly looking man. I am sure he would consent to my whining and manipulation!
I thought, "So friendly, is he. I am sure he wants to help charitable causes that cannot be written off as tax deductions. Who is he? What makes him tick? And how did he become CEO of this certain airline?" He is relatively young, having been born only ten years before my mother graduated high school!
What? Don't you know what year your mother graduated high school? Oh, please. Don't pretend that you never marched around in her old drill team uniform, twirling batons to "Wild, Wild West" and dancing in the backyard while the feather on your head bobbed up and down.
Just for kicks, I researched other folks too, on this website: NNDB - Tracking the Entire World. A Database of Notable Names. For example, let's just say we're talking about American Airlines. Just for kicks, and to lead you astray! Maybe.
The CEO of American Airlines is Gerard Arpey. So many interesting facts listed about this man. And, surprise! Even his sexual orientation! BECAUSE IT'S THAT IMPORTANT.
Why? Why did this database find it necessary to list the sexual orientation of each individual included? And how can I get in this database, so that all of you would know that I, too, am straight?
And why does Herb Kelleher NOT have his sexual orientation listed? He is, after all, the founder of Southwest Airlines. NNDB put his picture up, and told us that he was a male. But! Of all things, not his sexual orientation.
And Aurelian! He was assasinated! He was the emporer of Rome! His face was etched on coins! And yet, no sexual orientation.
It's unjust, really. If I founded an airline, or had my face etched on coins, I would want the world to know that I am straight. Straight, and yet, curvy, because I am female. My heritage would be this:
Comments
16 Comments (on original Blogger post):
Katie said...
Ok I just IMd you this but I must post it for all the world to see:
YOU ARE A NUT
November 10, 2005 3:26 PM
anne said...
This is the funniest thing I've seen for a while! I don't even know you, but I clicked on your name from my friend's blog and had to comment cause your writing is hilarious! Love the picture!
November 10, 2005 3:37 PM
Nothing But Bonfires said...
Ah! This NNDB website will now be responsible for WHOLE DAYS of productivity lost, while I ascertain the sexual orientation of all of the country's CEOs. I'm blaming you if I get fired.
Also, "lo! The CEO!" I love that it rhymes!
November 10, 2005 3:49 PM
jes said...
anne: why, thank you very much. the picture, it is quite accurate. i am as well known for my drawing capabilities as i am for my ability to devour entire packages of Oreo cookies in less than ten minutes. it's a talent, really.
nothing: but bonfires! do you like the twist i put on your name? is NBB listed as a notable name in this database? more importantly, is your sexual orientation listed? because it would be a great tragedy if the world did not know the sexual preference, or even the gender! of a bonfire.
November 10, 2005 3:53 PM
Stephanie said...
Okay frankly, I just love the lips in the sketch of you. Priceless!
November 10, 2005 3:53 PM
Heather said...
Are you supposed to be whistling? Is that the point of the musical note?
November 10, 2005 4:08 PM
Shenna said...
Straight, yet curvy. Classical answer!!
November 10, 2005 10:12 PM
MsThang said...
LOL I must agree with KT, YOU ARE A NUT! But definitely a straight, yet curvy. one!
hhehehe
November 11, 2005 4:42 AM
Holly said...
Hysterical Jes Just hysterical!
your straight yet curvy friend
Holly
Ihsaih
I say with a southern drawl
November 11, 2005 8:13 AM
girl from florida said...
Where in the world do you come up with this stuff? I'm glad you do, for the sole purpose of amusing me :) LOL! Can I be a straight yet curvy female with you?
November 11, 2005 8:55 AM
jes said...
GFF: Absolutely! You've got even MORE curves, since you're prego.
November 11, 2005 9:00 AM
Eric said...
Wow...could you make sure to include more random turns of thought in the next post...I almost didn't get lost on this one!
Fun read, though.
November 11, 2005 9:04 AM
Sara said...
ok, this has nothing to do with your post. Did you see Trading Spouses? Or even catch the commercial? That scary woman screaming about being a "God warrior"?
November 11, 2005 1:44 PM
steve said...
YOu rock like no other!! Amazing
November 11, 2005 1:50 PM
Amanda Sue said...
i can't bring that site up. maybe because so many people are checking it out right now that there is no room for me.
is it just ceos, or all kinds of people and their secksual orientation?
do you like how i spelled that? you should spell it that way too so you don't get porno people looking at your site. just a tip.
November 11, 2005 2:26 PM
Chad said...
I'm going to ask the dumb question (because that seems to be my role this week): why didn't you put your nose ring on the coin? That would have been so cool.
See, I told you it was a dumb question.
Posted by: jes | May 9, 2006 04:12 PM