Chirky

I'm under the impression that when Bianca and I were roommates, she kept a hidden stack of small, soft objects that she could throw at me when I snored. Such as her slippers, which affectionately became known as slipper grenades. She also threw stuffed balls, stuffed animals, and scissors. Ha! I'm just kidding. We didn't have any stuffed animals.

Because I had never had a snoring problem before, I wasn't quite sure what to do about the issue. I tried sleeping in a variety of different positions, none of which worked. I bought Breathe Right strips to put on my nose, but they didn't help. They also left a weird mark on my face, and didn't have any of the benefits of Neutrogena nose strips, so I stopped using them. On a whim, and because the bottle said it would stop the snoring, I purchased something that you spray in your mouth.

One night I awakened to slipper grenades landing on my head, and it occurred to me that it would be an appropriate time to make use of my new purchase. I squeezed the pump ten times, but nothing came out. I thought that maybe it took a few pumps for the liquid to travel up the tube, so I continued pumping, and it continued not coming out.

I sat up in bed and turned on the lamp, much to Bianca's dismay. But I must figure out why my pump spray is pumping but not spraying! This is necessary for Bianca to sleep without my snoring and necessary for me to sleep without her slipper grenades! And scissors!

I inspected the bottle, pumped, and saw it spray. Finally! It must need light to react! Upon further inspection, I realized that the pump was facing the wall, which is why I was able to so clearly witness it spray a fine mist. I looked at the wall, and realized it was coated in my snoring spray. Oops! Another reason why our "landlord" hated us.

This past Sunday night I went to bed early. Roger came to bed about half an hour later, but only because I was already there, not because he was tired.

About fifteen minutes after he climbed in bed, I woke up to him telling me to stop snoring. Five minutes later, "Sweetie, will you roll over?" Three minutes later, while I SWEAR that I was still awake, but apparently not, he reached over and rubbed my arm, hoping that the gentle motion would cause my sleep to be disturbed long enough for him to fall asleep. It didn't work.

Roger grabbed his pillow and a blanket, and slept on the couch. Sad! My husband had to sleep on the couch because I was snoring! I woke up all throughout the night, only to find him still in the living room. Isn't this somewhat of a role reversal? Shouldn't it be HIM who is snoring? The next morning Roger asked me if there was some sort of surgery that would correct the problem.

Within the last six years, since gaining a significant amount of weight, I have started snoring. The two must be related. And until I lose this weight, I'm afraid nothing will change. So tell me if YOU also snore, especially if you are chunky, or plump, or obese, or just plain fat.