Chirky

This weekend, I learned some very important lessons that I would like to share with you. Please take note:

That a precious old woman making buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz noises and running around a stage talking about how much God loves me is incredibly alluring, and makes me want to do the same thing when I am her age. Including the buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz noises.

That I really like Nichole Nordeman's music, and upon learning that she lives in Dallas, I immediately upgraded "really like" to love. Now I have her contact information and I'm trying to decide whether I should wait outside her home so I can meet her. Would that be considered stalking, and would I get a restraining order? I imagine that we will be very good friends one day. Don't you? She'll come visit me and we'll talk on the telephone between plates of glass, and she'll admire my orange jumpsuit that I've accessorized with pearls, beads, and puff paint.

That I am every marketers dream. If you tell me it is organic and it will clean my ring better than anything else on the market, and it comes in a cute little hourglass bottle that I can turn upside down and watch all the cleaner drain through while it cleans my jewelry, I'll believe you! And I'll buy it! For only $25, PLUS it comes with an extra bottle of cleaner. And what is in the hourglass bottle will last for two years alone! And when it gets dirty, I just need to strain the cleaner through a coffee filter and then I can REUSE it. Plus, if my dog (I have none) or children (I have none) were to get into it and drink it, it wouldn't harm them! Because it is organic! How convenient and thrifty of me! And now my diamonds are so sparkly!

That (after someone said the word) when I continually ask, "What is a scrotum?" and the people sitting at dinner in my home are laughing so hard they can't breathe, then perhaps I should stop asking and go look it up in the
dictionary rather than wait for husband to say, between gulps of breath and laughter, "It's _______________, sweetie." Bwahahaahahahahahahaahahaahahaaha! Snort! (As an exercise in creativity, I'll allow you to fill in the blank with your own assortment of adjectives and nouns. It may resemeble something about a guy and a sack and a couple balls.)