Chirky

My mom's refusal to read my website on a frequent basis has been a bit of a
trial for me. I gave up asking her to read it after she responded, "But,
Jessica, you're my daughter. I already know everything about you."

At that, I scoffed, thinking, "Ha! You don't know everything about me. And I can
prove it, because YOU DON'T READ MY WEBSITE. Only the Internet knows everything
about me."

Little did I know, she has been silently stalking me through a routed ISP
address in Washington state. She thought she could throw me off her trail, BUT
SHE DIDN'T. Today, she gave herself away. She left a comment.

After I called her three times in twenty minutes, leaving only one voicemail,
she finally called me back:

Me, answering the phone: "Hi Mom."
Mom, nonchalantly: "Hi. How are you?"
Me, accusingly: "MOM. You were on my website today."
Mom, testing me: "Oh, what do you know?"
Me, smugly: "Mom. You left me a comment."
Mom, giving herself up: "But, I left the comment anonymously."
Me, laughing: "Yeah, but I know things. Mom, it almost brings tears to my eyes,
because I've wanted you to read my site for so long."

She told me she reads it sometimes, just not regularly. My new goal in life is
to get my mom to read my site regularly.

She likes the site, and after telling me that I exaggerate a lot she only had
one question: "Jessica, WHY IN THE WORLD were you smelling your armpits?"

Me, sheepishly: "Oh, gaawww-shhhh. I don't know. I don't even remember."
Mom, questioning my sanity: "Well, was there any exchange of conversation?"
Me, laughing: "No. He just turned around and walked back out."
Mom, embarrassed that she gave birth to such a vile creature: "Oh, Jessica."

And then we both started laughing.