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Should I Marry Him?

April 19, 2005

Recently, I have noticed a theme in the stats on my site. I have had a number of visitors who get to Chirky.com by searching "Should I marry him?" or "Should I marry her?" or a similar phrase.

Should I marry him? Her? How do I know when I should marry, or whom? These questions are rampant among dating couples, even among people who are just friends.

In my opinion, your spouse should be your best friend. That doesn't mean that women and men don't have other best friends or close friend of the same gender. It just means that when you marry, that person should know you. The REAL you. The inescapable you. It is a friendship that is natural, and that builds over time - not something rushed or forced.

Your spouse will know more about you than your parents, your closest friends, and sometimes, it will seem like your spouse knows you better than you know yourself.

So, when do you know? How do you know? What qualities do you look for in a man or in a woman? In a spouse? I'm not an authority on the topic, but I do have opinions. Strong opinions. I am also married, which gives me a TINY bit of knowledge on the subject. I spent a wonderful year in a courtship with my husband before we married. He
still pursues me. He still dates me. Our love continues to grow, and though we have been married just shy of a year (married May 2004), I am confident that our marriage is built to last.

Because so many people have accessed my site expecting to find this information, I have decided to create a list of qualities that I believe are important in marriage. This is not a conclusive list. This list is not in any particular order. Please note that all listed qualities should also exist in reverse. Not only should he love you, but you should also love him.

Ergo, I present to you...

CHIRKY'S TOP 10(+) REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD MARRY HIM (or Her, whichever the case may be):

1. He respects you.
2. He is a man of integrity, honesty.
3. He is gentle, tender with your heart, emotions, thoughts, feelings.
4. He encourages you to become a better person.
5. He is a leader in your relationship.
6. He enjoys spending time with you.
7. He communicates with you - not just on a superficial level, but on a deep level.
8. He supports your interests, activities, and hobbies.
9. You trust him.
10. He continually pursues you with love, romance, kindness, respect and communication.
11. He has a forgiving spirit.
12. You are attracted to him physically, emotionally, intellectually, his humor.
13. Your religious beliefs are the same.
14. You are headed in the same direction in life. (Example: desire for children - if the man eventually wants children, and the woman does not, this relationship does not seem to be headed in the same direction.)

Not to be cliche, but love is an art. Not a word, not a ceremony, not an official document. I think that Tommy Nelson said it well:

"The way a woman spells love over time is tenderness. The way a man spells love over time is respect.

Show me a woman who feels that her husband deals with her tenderly - with kindness, good manners, generosity, genuine affection, and understanding - and I'll show you a happily married woman, regardless of external circumstances that may come against their union or family. This woman will have no desire to seek tenderness from someone outside the marriage.

Show me a husband who feels that his wife deals with him with respect - admiration, appreciation, upholding his dignity as a man, thankful for his protection and provision - and I'll show you a happily married man, regardless of the stress he may feel from the outside world. This man will delight in coming home and closing the front door behind him so that he can be with his wife and family."

Do YOU have anything to add?



I knw it's an archive but still...having the same religious beliefs is not a prerequisite. My fiance is Christian and I, a Hindu. We'll have a few problems along the way but nothing that love can't solve.

Thanks for the others though!!


Thank you for posting this. I want to marry him, but I've been stalling. It's been six years. I have an engagement ring in my wallet that I've had for 8 months. I'm supposed to be "thinking" about it. The truth is, if I have to google an anonymous person to tell me this, it's because I'm not listening to my heart. He's a wonderful man, but he's not the man for me. I have to break my own heart.



Eddo said...

Jes, that is a great list!

Did you guys already watch the DVD's I gave you? It sounds like you did and you took notes!

Well, the list is wonderful, and perfect and at the moment I can think of nothing to add.

jes said...

Nope, haven't watched the DVDs yet. Just tried to make a list based on things I think are important.

However, after we watch the DVDs, I may just post another rant! :)

girl from florida said...

This is a fabulous list! Very important stuff.

As a married woman, I would like to note that it's important to be able to compromise during fighting, and to have wonderful sex with your partner :) In addition to everything else. I'm sure I could think of some more later...

jes said...

GFF, you crack me up! Yes, the ability to compromise is absolutely a necessary trait.

And the sex? (Laughing) TOTALLY AGREE.

bianca said...

but the post was great...i liked it a lot!

Ben said...

Once again, Right on. ;)

GFF... you too. lol.

Willow said...

OK, I dont think I have ever heard you use or say the word SEX.....

I only have one thing to add....If the man is the leader in the relationship, he should be a capable, fair and equal leader. I know God says man is the head of the household, but man needs to be capable and caring in that role, knowing he is leading not a corporation, but a family....

Heidi said...

Jes your list is great & Willow I absolutely agree about the man knowing he's leading a family and not a corporation - you couldn't have said it any better. GFF - it's not sex, it's LOVEMAKING ;)

SquareSlant said...

Great List! Your number one was right on - I always said without it the others don't follow.

Melissa said...

Great post! :) I'm feeling less than creative this week....maybe I'll come up with something later today!


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