My body, like a squishy white marshmallow, is much in need of toasting.
March 28, 2005
A couple weeks ago, I was standing in my bathroom admiring my belly. A few minutes later, Roger walked into our bedroom. I turned toward him, lifted my shirt to expose my stomach, and said, "Don't you think I have a good tan?"
The expression on his face reminded me of a deer in headlights, and I knew he was trying to figure out how to answer the question without getting himself into trouble. His eyes began to dart between my eyes and my stomach, and he slowly said, "Ummmm..." with a questioning look as he pursed his lips, twisting them to the side, and tilted his head.
In those few seconds that Roger was deep in thought, I clarified, "I know it's winter, and I know I'm not as dark as I am in the summer, but for being winter, and for having my skin hidden for several months, I still think I'm pretty tan.
Well, maybe not ta-aannnn, but certainly not pasty, don't you think?"
He furrowed an eyebrow and glanced toward the door, planning his escape route.
"Roger, don't you think?"
"Ummm, yeah. You don't look too bad."
* * *
Today I ate my lunch outside, since it's nearly 80 degrees. In hopes of getting toasted, much like you toast a marshmallow to a golden brown perfection and not like you seek help in the bottom of a bottle, I propped my pantyhose-less legs up on the next chair.
After a while, I noticed that the color of my legs faintly resembled my napkin. As I continued to stare at them and twist them in the sunlight, I realized with horror that my legs, indeed, were pasty and in desperate need of mass quantities of sunlight.
* * *
In hindsight, I now understand that I should have interpreted "the look" from Roger a bit differently. I think he was actually trying to say, "Sweetie, I don't want to hurt your feelings. But you must remember that you are only 1/8th
Romanian, and your skin tone has faded through the generations. You are not pasty, but you are not tan. Please never ask me this question again unless you have just spent four weeks in the South Pacific and no one can tell if your brown shirt is long sleeve or short sleeve. Then, and only then, will it be appropriate for you to ask me this question."
