Chirky

Today Mel and I went to lunch to celebrate her last day at work. We walked over to Campisi's and ate out on the patio, soaking up the sun rays and laughing as we gossiped about our lives. Eating on the patio is always fun because Mel and I both like to people-watch. There were lots of interesting people.

Like the tall, thin dwarf. Or "little person." Most little people that I have known have been sort of short and squatty. And they made their own clothes, which is so cool because I don't know how to sew. But this guy was different. It
was obvious that he was a little person, but he was very thin for a dwarf, and tall. Maybe 4' 10". He's probably one of those guys who lies on his personal ads, and says he's 4' 10" but truthfully he's 4' 8 1/2". (Okay, fine, all guys do that.)

A friend of mine recently put an ad on match.com. We always talk about the guys who contact her, and she shows me their personal ads and I read them and tease her about most of what they say. Then I tell her which one I think she should go on a date with. It's been entertaining. But it seems men have an issue with lying about their height.

Then Mel pointed out this woman in jeans and an enormous plaid shirt. To clarify: the shirt wasn't enormous, just the plaid print. And Mel says, "Isn't that the lady who got fired because she kept stinking up the bathroom?"

And I immediately snapped my head around and my eyes darted back and forth trying to figure out who she was talking about, because I remembered it being a serious issue among the women in our office, and I remembered the rumors that someone finally got the can for it (ha)! I also remembered the stinky bathroom and I remembered the rose-colored bottle of air freshener that was always in the bathroom. And I cannot forget how disgusting it smelled when the two scents were mixed together.

"Where? Which one? I never knew who it was!" I exclaimed, and Mel pointed her out to me. And then I stared at her as Mel confirmed to herself that she is infact the one that always stunk up the bathroom. When she turned the corner, I couldn't help but stare at her butt as she walked away, wondering why it was so stinky.

Since I was already staring at Stinky's behind, I started noticing other people's too. And this man walked by in jeans, and he had the most gigantic butt i've ever seen on a man. It was round, like his jeans had been stuffed with balloons. Like two big rump roasts waiting for the crock pot. Except you'd never want to season it and sink your teeth into that. Sick.